Everything
by Infragilis Dea
Summary: Sirius thought he had found the girl of his dreams...that was until she turned him down, rejected him. But when hope returns and happiness finally settles in old wounds, tragic pasts are torn open once more. SBOC.
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I do not claim to own the characters, plot, or anything else from the Harry Potter books. They belong to J.k. Rowling.**

A.N.: Alrighty, I always forget to put on those disclaimers so I am very proud of myself for remembering. Anyway this is only my second fic. The idea just came to me a few days ago and I decide to run with it. It's not a Lily/James fic cause I'm sure there is enough of those out there already. It's the story of Sirius and how he falls in love. His love is later tested when the girl who he fall for asks him to make the extreme sacrifice for her and give up everything he has and knows. I'm not quite sure what is going to happen exactly yet but I have a lot of plans and the start of a great ending. Your info is greatly appreciated though and I would love to hear any suggestions you have about the story or my writing. So please enjoy and r&r!

Chapter 1: As the moon rises

The moon dominated the sky as four friends trotted happily over the vast grounds surrounding the castle. Bright yellow it gleamed and its light draped the grounds with a majestic beauty that it held only upon a full moon. Stars danced merrily about the large orb of light, trying diligently to out do its splendor, but failing abysmally in attempt. So brightly did it illuminate the magnificent castle, the backdrop of a perfect scene, and break the blackness the lay all about the silent lands around.

If anyone had looked out of one of the windows encrusted into that great castle they would glimpse nothing but the loveliness of the moon and the perfect night around her. The lands would seem still and soundless and utterly perfect and picturesque. No one would glimpse the four figures moving about below, masked not only by a guise none could see through, but also by the black of shadow.

They met under the shadow of the deep woods. One stood waiting, a ghastly shape was he, outline against the trees beyond. Three others crept near to him, though to the eye they looked but two. Two great shapes they were that crept ever so silently, careful of any ears they may be listening for their secret was best left unknown. But in their presence, there was in fact another, small and quick, he scampered ahead to the friend that stood waiting. Animal like was their movement, for they were indeed animals, but human also. They crept with stealth as only animals could and met together under the radiance of the moon.

A great howl escaped from the great form of a werewolf and met the ears of the others. The sound, chilling and frightening to those who knew it not, also held a great beauty to it. It was indeed a call of joy from the man turned wolf. It was the joy of seeing his friends, the joy of knowing he did not bare his burden, his pain, alone.

"Moony please keep it down! Do you want some one to hear?" Only a tiny squeak escaped the form of the little rat but his words crossed the minds of all those present.

"Relax, Wormtail. No one is around." The Stag pawed playfully at the ground as he tried to calm his friend who had all too much anxiety.

"Yeah, no one's going to hear." A loud howl escaped the great dog's throat as if it was his proof to his nervous friend. The howl rang long and matched the intensity of the one that had sounded only minutes before. "So how you feeling Moony?" The dog further questioned his friend after silence had again been restored.

"Much better now that you guys are here," the wolfman answered truthfully. The pain of becoming a werewolf once a month was harsh and bitter. As the moon began to rise its presence was ever felt by the boy his friends had dubbed Moony. As it came to its height he could feel his appearance beginning to change, ever so slowly, ever so painfully. His senses became heightened; his hearing, his smelling, and sight. But the one thing that truly mattered, the one thing that kept him human, became clouded. His brain could no longer focus on anything but the silvery sphere, the way it gleamed and shimmered. His wolfish thoughts conquered his own and the beast took over. He knew not what he did on these occasions as his memory of them was very clouded and dim. The only part of his transformations he could afterward recall were the memories made when he was with his friends. They alone seemed to bring him back to himself and drive away the wolfish instincts. They made him human again.

Padfoot looked at his friend. His heart became heavy and poignant as it did every time he looked upon Remus when he was transformed. When they were with him he became less violent and much happier, but still not himself. Sirius could see it in his eyes. The pain of those transformations and of the life he had led, remained still in those deep green eyes. It was not fair, Sirius thought for Remus to be fated such. It was not fair for him to have to suffer so when all he offered the world was great love and passion.

But the world was an unfair place. He had learned that long long ago. Life was cruel to him, cruel to him just as it was to everybody who dwelt on the earth. But was it cruel to everyone? Sirius looked at Prongs beside him. James Potter did not see the brutality of the world; he did not see the harshness and pain. He had a family, one that cared. He was loved and had some one to love and trust and run to in times of need. Sirius had no one. But he could not condemn James because of that. James, Remus and little Peter Pettigrew were the only family he had; the only family that loved him.

"So what are you up for tonight, Moony?" Prongs cantered along side Moony joyfully. Full moons were his favorite time of the month as they were to all the members of the infamous Marauders. They meant freedom; freedom of rules, freedom of school, and the freedom to truly be themselves, unmasked and exposed.

"I'm not much in the mood for a trip to Hogsmaede, so how about a walk around the lake. The moon may be a curse but even I must admit I find it quite beautiful on a perfect night like this."

A faint growl escaped his lips but the others heeded it not, for when they had all transformed they could communicate with out words. Whether by a queer supernatural force or by a unique bond of friendship or some other unknown cause, they could understand perfectly what the others were saying without words or voice. This, although quite unexplained by either magic or muggle theory, was a very handy tool when all the Marauders were transformed.

"Good idea Moony," agreed Padfoot. "While we're down there Prongs could probably jump in and have a quick bath. By the smell he is giving off he hasn't had one in a week."

"Well hey now Padfoot, if I need a bath then you most certainly need a haircut," Prongs said in his defense. "That uncontrollable mop of yours is quite out of hand. Your mother would be ashamed."

"She already is." Sirius hung his great furry head as the though of his mother entered his mind. Ashamed was too kind a word to describe the feelings of his mother. Hatred was probably more true, or loathing. Whichever it was, was not very pleasant. Years of negligence and beating and shame filled glances whenever he entered a room was more than enough to make Sirius feel the same about his parents. He held a hatred for them that could not be known to any who had not suffered as he had. James knew but he did not rightly understand Sirius' feelings, he just could not. He could not know the pain his beast friend's heart housed.

"Sirius mate, I'm sorry," James began.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it. I know you didn't mean it."

James looked upon his best friend. Even then, in the form of a dog, Sirius was handsome. He had a charm no other could match, not even James himself. He was the envy of the school and every girl strived tirelessly to capture his attention, which was not very hard as he indeed had a great love of pretty girls. But also present, though not clear to all, was the sorrow in his eyes, in his face, in his language. Sirius put on a fake persona of strength and determination and was resolved to proving himself so, constantly. James had no doubt that Sirius was indeed the strong person he claimed to be, but also he knew that inside that tough guise was but a meek boy wishing to find the love he had long been denied.

"Come on," Padfoot continued. "I'll race you down to the lake for that swim!"

The stag smiled as well as any stag might, but Sirius sensing his joy let out another howl before racing down as fast as he might to the edge of the lake. He watched the moon's reflection dance upon the water as he waited for Prongs to catch up to him. All was still and silent and Sirius stood motionless and just gazed out across that lake and up toward the darkened castle. His eyes lay unfocused and his mind void of thought. He just let the peacefulness and tranquility of the night wash over him like the small waves below breaking upon his feet.

As he glanced across the lake he thought he saw a slight shadow against a large rock on the opposite shores of the lake. He peered hard in that direction but the darkness strained his eyes and he was unable to discern for sure what it is he saw.

Sirius shook his head and brought himself back to attention as thudding footsteps behind him told of James' approach. "It looks like you won this time Padfoot, but you won't be so lucky next time."

"While I guess if I decide to finally let you win," Padfoot smirked. "I always win Prongs. Not to disappoint you or anything."

"You flatter yourself Sirius, dear friend. But come on. We still haven't had that swim. Care to join us? Moony, Petey?"

"Ah, in there? It's probably freezing!" complained the tiny rat with a squeak. "I think I'll pass."

"How about you, Remmy? You always like a good swim." Sirius moved on to Moony, who stood just on the edge of the water.

"Sorry, Padfoot. I'm afraid I have to agree with Wormtail tonight. You two are going to end up in Madame Pomfrey's care if you go in that lake. It almost winter." Remus refused the offer with his usual warning of carefulness. He most among the Marauders thought about the consequences of actions before doing, while Sirius and James preferred to dive right in and sort themselves out later.

"Suit yourself," Sirius said as he followed James deeper into the water.

"Yeah, the water is lovely. You don't know what you're missing." James called, though Sirius was sure he was only saying it to prove a point, because the water was indeed very cold and had chilled Sirius within minutes of its exposure.

The next hour passed joyfully as Sirius and James ran back and forth between the icy water and their dry friends. The four engaged in numerous conversations that ranged from Quidditch to Sirius' latest girlfriend, Angalie, as the time passed, and just like time the shore of the lake was passing all too quickly.

"We're almost back up to the castle. I think it's time to call it a night," Moony advised when they had again fallen under the massive structure's shadow. Sirius knew that though Remus had made the suggestion of retiring to their beds, he dreaded the moment they would leave. Without them he knew the wolf would take control again, the pain would return and the agony. But he loved his friends dearly and knew that they could not stay any longer and avoid both trouble and revealing their secret. He knew they had to return up to the castle and stay not with him. But still he wished they could.

"I suppose you're right Moony," agreed Prongs as the walked along the side of the lake nearest the castle. "It is getting late."

"Wish we didn't have classes tomorrow. Then we could stay out in the Shrieking Shack with you," Padfoot agreed.

"S-s-st-stay, in the S-s-shrieking Sh-shack? Are you mad? That place is haunted," stuttered Peter as if he thought the idea ludicrous.

"How thick are you, Wormtail? You know that they only say it's haunted because of..." he trailed off as he looked at the friend whose name he had been about to say. His face had gone rigid and he twitched violently. His eyes lay focused on a spot some distance ahead. Sirius feared he knew what lay in his friend's vision.

Slowly he turned his head to the spot where Remus gaze fell. There sat a girl, no older than he and indeed no younger, as far as he could tell. She sat upon a large rock, arms wrapped around her knees, staring aimlessly out across the lake. The moon illuminated her face and revealed a look of deep thought mixed with intense sadness. At her side, he noticed lay a guitar, and he wondered if she had come out that night to play quietly into the darkness, as he often did.

Sirius did not wonder this long because a long howl erupted from his friend beside him. It rang long and chillingly, unlike the first he had sung that night. This howl was not a call of joy but a mark of the wildness retaking the heart and mind of Remus even as he fought it. It was a fight he could never win.

"James look! A girl!" shouted Sirius to the stag. "We must hold him back! We must warn her!"

James eyes too filled with fear as Sirius' heart had. They knew what could happen if they did not keep their friend from attacking. It would not only be the death of an unsuspecting victim, but ultimately the death of Remus himself. For surely the ministry would show no mercy to a werewolf, a half breed, a monster. They would pack him up and send him to Azkaban without trial or appeal, and there, the dementors, would devour him.

"Peter, hurry, and warn that girl! Change back if you have to! Just get her out of there and into the castle!" Sirius ordered.

"Me?" questioned Wormtail, obviously scared near enough to death. "Why me?"

"Because you great smelly rat, you would be no help to us trying to fight off a werewolf!" spat Sirius a little too harshly. "Now go before I tear you to pieces and feed you to the first cat I find!"

The rat ran off into the night squeaking madly. Little did his friends know that little Peter Pettigrew was already corrupted by the dark side.

The wolf then lunged. Remus was unable to fight himself off anymore. James leapt up on his hind legs and knocked the beast backward. He stumbled slightly and moaned but jumped again forward, wanting only to catch his prey.

To see Remus like this nearly broke Sirius' heart in two. To see the pain and torture of the curse he was destined to live with forevermore. To know that no matter what he could never help his friend, was grief beyond any other to the heart of Sirius, who had no others to love. To have to fight and his friend like this seemed too much like mutiny to be love, but Sirius knew it could not be helped.

He felt his teeth dig into the flesh of the werewolf as he attempted to pull him back away from the girl. He knew not if Peter had yet warned her and if they had reached safety but he could not let go, he could not risk it.

He felt one of the wolf's paws crash heavily upon his side. His howled as he felt the claws scrape across his back leaving behind long gashes that went deeply past the skin. The wolf threw Sirius from him and his already bleeding back crashed against a tree. Sirius moaned in pain as he watched James take over the duel with the beast, who only mere hours ago had been the image of Remus Lupin, one of his best friends, a Marauder, a handsome boy with ambitions and dreams. And now, now under the moon that he had deemed beautiful, was the full effect of his curse felt. He had become a beast, a monster; he was no longer human, but animal, cruel and vicious. As Sirius lay he cursed the moon and never again did he see its beauty, but only its evil, to turn those of kindness, fowl and horrid.

Sirius knew he was in pain but he couldn't feel it. In fact all his senses, usually heightened when he was transformed, were numb. He watched James hold off the wolf, but it was as if the world had slowed its pace, for they moved slowly and their images were distorted. Behind them he could see the castle, still dark and glorious, but it offered no salvation from the reality surrounding him. No one inside knew where they were and even if they did they would offer no help, but only more pain if their secret was found out.

Suddenly a loud neigh of defeat met the ears of Sirius, followed by a thud. He looked to where seconds before James had been fighting off the werewolf. Now the stag lay on the ground. He moved not and Sirius was unsure of whether he was unconscious or, dead. His fear was too great. He did not want to know, because if James was dead, then he too would be dead inside.

A scream echoed across the grounds. A sudden knowledge awoke inside of Sirius. The girl was still in danger. Remus was advancing her. Sirius moved as quickly as he could to his feet and as he did the strength that had momentarily left him, mounted again.

He passed the form of James' limp body with a glance. He could not bring himself to look at him just yet. Remus fast approached the girl. She let loose another scream and retreated further until her back lay against a giant rock jutting up from the ground. She held still the guitar Sirius had glimpsed earlier.

"Stupefy!" she shouted her wand pointed at his chest, casting the only spell she could think of. Red sparks hit him directly in the heart. The spell worked to no avail. The power the moon had wrapped around Remus was too great. The spell did nothing stop the beast from creeping ever closer.

She cried out again, no words did she seem to have, for fear has taken control of her mind. "Please don't hurt me!" she begged losing all her sense.

The wolf stopped momentarily. He held his head high to the moon and let out a great howl. Loud and long, it pierced the night sky. She sank to her knees against the stone wall blocking her way behind. Tears streamed down her face as she realized she had met the end of her short life.

The howl wavered and ended. The beast was now so close she could see the green of its eyes. Cold they were and animal like, but she would have sworn she had seen the before. They reminded her of something or someone. However that though gave way as she then glimpsed the huge teeth jutting from its mouth, barred and dripping with drool. Its fur, a dark brown stood on end as it was now so close to snatching his prey. A horrible growling met her ears and the tears poured forth more heavily. "Please, I don't want to die. Please," she begged. But her only reply was but another snarl from the beast.

She watched the horrendous creature crouch slowly as if to pounce on her. Knowing this was the end she did the only thing she could possibly think of. As the wolf sprang forward, she swung the guitar in hand heavily and smote the werewolf upon the head. The monster fell backwards and moaned loudly. The guitar had smashed upon impact and she now held but half the fret board while the rest of the fine instrument dangled uselessly below.

Her only weapon was now spent as she watched the beast climb slightly disoriented to its feet again. Anger was now etched across its ghastly face as it made to pounce once more. This time she knew for sure that this was it. She took one last glance at the castle before cowering as far down as she could and waiting for death. She hoped it would be painless, but she trusted not to that hope.

Sirius had seen all this as he raced as fast as his legs might to her aid. He saw Remus set himself to jump a second time. He forgot the pain in his back and thought of nothing but reaching that girl. He leaped just as Remus did, and crashed into the wolf in midair. Both crashed to the ground painfully. Remus growled at the dog that had stopped him from reaching his prey. Anger grew in the beast as Sirius attempted to drag him backwards again and stood between him and the girl he wanted. Remus swung madly and Sirius felt many blows break against his body.

He lost track of time as he held off the raging wolfman. He knew not whether the girl had escaped or James lived, all he knew was that he had to hold Remus off, he had to.

The beast lashed against him again and again, but he could feel no pain. Pain had left him long ago. He couldn't feel his skin tearing and his bones cracking under the pressure of the beating, but beatings were nothing new to him. Hadn't his father beat him just for the knowledge that he was his son? Hadn't his brother, Regulus, beat him for the shame of seeing his face? He hated them all and as the blows kept coming, his hatred mounted. Greater and great did it come until something awakened inside him.

Quite suddenly, and unexpectedly, he found a new strength from within himself. It was indeed the same strength that had helped his push his father off him, the same strength that made it possible for him to fend off Regulus. It was the same strength that encouraged him to forget about that disgusting people others called his family and dwell not on the pain they inflicted into his life.

He leaped in the air and caught the wolf off balance. They toppled backwards and when they hit the ground the head of the beast smashed against a rock encrusted in the ground. Sirius watched as Remus' eyes flicker shut as the blow had knocked consciousness from him.

Padfoot climbed tenderly off his friend, who now that the presence of the moon touched not, looked peaceful. The anger and hate that had built inside of him, now waned like the night at daybreak. As it left him, the pain, that blessed was at absence, finally came upon the dog. He moaned and stumbled as he tried to walk back to where the girl had stood defending herself.

He tried to navigate the rocky shores as best he might in the form of a dog, but his paws slipped on the wet stones and he staggered until, coming to him senses, he returned to human form. When he reached the rock, he saw that she lay unconscious beneath it. She was not wounded but fear had taken its toll upon her, and lifeless her body lay.

Sirius was able to see her face then, for the cursed moon illuminated it. She was beautiful. Her long brown hair was sprawled across her face and Sirius gently brushed it away. Her face though quite understandable pale, was softly carven and feminine, but also it also held a look of strength and even some would go so far to say a fierceness. Her soft cheeks were shaded a slight pink and her lips divinely red. She was slender and slightly tanned and Sirius estimated at least as tall as he. Her long eyelashes fluttered slightly in the wind and gave her a lovely look of one who was just waking.

As he scanned her face, though beautiful as it was, a slight frown creased his own. He had never seen her before, and most certainly she didn't go to Hogwarts. But where then did she come from and why was she about the grounds so late at night?

He wondered this question as he glanced at her face so fair, and the cool wind blowing through his hair, as dark as his name. The water splashed lightly upon the rocks and the trees filled the night with the soft sound of their rustling as the wind blew gracefully through them. Sirius was awed by the peacefulness of the grounds that only moments ago were filled with screams and the vicious sounds of battle. The last thing he remembered wondering was if James was alright.

* * *

James smiled as he looked down at Sirius. How like him it was to be found with a beautiful girl? His hair lay messy and robes torn and stained with his own blood. He looked terribly pale and not at all well, but still James smiled.

_Ah Sirius, _he thought, _Will you ever change?_

He crouched beside his friend, who lay draped over the girl, and muttered, "Enervate."

Sirius woke with a start. The memory of what had happened seemed far away and distant and he could not rightly remember how he had gotten to where he lay. He turned over and pulled himself up and as he did so he saw who had revived him.

"James!" he exclaimed at the sight of his friend, "I-I thought you were de..." He trailed off as he could not bring himself to say the words.

"Nope, only knocked out," he smiled. "Wormtail here came and roused me. You've only been out for a few minutes I think."

"What happened to Wormtail?" questioned Sirius. "How come he didn't warn her? How come he didn't get her to safety?"

"R-r-remus was already at-ttacking her," Peter whimpered in his defense. "I c-c-couldn't sa-save her s-so I h-hid."

Sirius angered at his small friend. "So you hid, you cowardly rat! You did nothing to save an innocent life?" You fled when-"

"Sirius." James now spoke calmly but firmly. "He couldn't do anything. It's not his fault."

Peter stood slightly behind James, as using him as a shield to fend off Sirius' anger. Peter short, squat and mousy when not transformed was the opposite of the rest of the Marauders. Fear was his middle name and Sirius had often wondered why the sorting hat had put him in Gryffindor. He had never really like Peter or fully trusted him. In fact he only called him friend because he pitied him. At the command of James though, Sirius dropped his anger and spoke not again of the cowardice of Wormtail.

"What happened to Remus?" questioned James.

"He's over there. I had to knock him out," Sirius pointed, as he replied once again composedly.

"What happened to her?" Peter questioned as he looked at the girl. She lay unconscious and still and on her face was etched a look that seemed to hold both fear and peace.

"Fainted," answered Sirius looking again at her pretty face.

"What should we do with her?" questioned Peter.

"We can't leave her here," said Sirius a little more strongly than he had intended.

James smiled crookedly at him. "Of course not," he agreed. "We'll have to take her up to the hospital ward. Madame Pomfrey will take care of her."

Sirius nodded. "But what about Remus?" he questioned.

"I don't think there is much we can do for him," replied James. "He won't be dangerous once the sun comes up and when he wakes he'll have enough sense to go back to the Shrieking Shack."

"It starting to get light out," observed Peter.

"Yeah, do you think you can stand, Sirius?" asked James. "I think we better hurry and get back inside."

"Yeah I'm fine," Sirius lied but was revealed as he pulled himself to his feet and uttered quiet wail as the pain in his body stung violently. He was surprise to see how much blood stained his robe and the ground around where he lay.

"You're not fine," protested James knowing full well that he would not persuade Sirius to visit the matron if he didn't want to. "You must see Madame Pomfrey."

"No, it's okay. Don't worry about it," Sirius replied a look of Pain etched on his handsome face. "Come on, let's go. She needs to get to the hospital ward more than I do."

James muttered a spell and the girl lifted elegantly into the air and drifted slightly ahead of him supported by his wand. He started slowly to maneuver his way back up to the castle. Peter followed his closely.

Sirius lingered though, for he glimpsed a few feet away the remains of the girl's guitar. He walked to where it lay broken and smashed, yet still it was charming and held still the beauty of the craftsmanship of which it was carven. Most would have deemed the instrument useless and left it but he could not for he had too great a love of music and song. Only those who knew the passion of music could know why he cared so about that instrument. He took out his wand and muttered, "Repairo." Obediently the ruined pieces of the wood reattached themselves to each other and the acoustic guitar again began to take shape. Sirius picked up the guitar, returned again to its former loveliness, and followed the others back up to the castle.

A.N.: Oh, I know how terrible this is. It's so cliché. I mean what Marauders story doesn't have a chapter where Remus almost kills some one and Sirius and James come to the rescue? I'm sorry but I thought this was a good way to introduce the characters on an emotional level instead of on a day to day level if you know what I'm talking about. The next chapter will be more creative I promise. Oh, and if you're confused by the guitar/music stuff don't worry, it will be explained next chapter. Please r&r! Thanks!


	2. chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything! I'm not talented. J.k. Rowling is. So if talent is what you're looking for sorry but you're in the wrong place. Go read J.k. Rowling's story. I can assure you it is much better than this. But you can still read this if you want.**

A.N.: Howdy all! I'm finally done. Wheww! It took awhile but here it is. So anyway, your questions should begin to be answered in this chapter. I'm not promising anything cause this story is only just getting started but you will find out all about the music stuff here. But anyway ya here it is. Enjoy and please review!! REVIEW PLEASE!! I LOVE GETTING REVIEWS!! Ok sorry had a little break down there. Lol! But seriously if you don't review this, _I will hunt you down!! _Peace out!

Chapter 2

"Hey! Hey! Alright stop!" Sirius shouted to be heard over the music. James stopped drumming and Remus let the last chord he had strummed ring to a silence. They both looked at him knowing why he had called an abrupt end to the song.

Peter did not notice the others looking at him as he kept steadily playing the bass part of the new song Sirius had just written. The problem wasn't that he kept playing so much as it was he kept playing the wrong notes. And he couldn't keep up with the melody line that Remus played on guitar or the drum beat the James supplied. Evidently absorbed by the sheet of music set in front of him, Sirius doubted whether he could even read it.

"Wormtail!" he shouted into the short boy's ear. "You can stop now!"

Peter gave a little jump and scowled as Sirius grinned down on him. James and Remus too failed at the attempt to hide their smiles. Ever since they had started their band, needlessly to say called the Marauders, in fourth year, Peter had been a shameful addition to the otherwise talented band. Though they would never say it to him, he was only added to the band out of pity, for before they had inducted him he was quite friendless and unpopular.

Three boring days after their quite eventful night, the boys were gathered in the private heads common room. This room was shared by both Lily and James as they were the head boy and girl. It was a large circular room almost exact in likeness to the one that belonged to the rest of the Gryffindors, except for one difference. Unlike the regular common room this one held a large stage, consuming half the room, while the usual furniture of red and gold couches were pushed far to one side of the room so they took up as little space as possible. There were a few chairs and couches that still remained in a position suitable to sit on in front of the stage or the handsomely carven fireplace, but most were piled against the wall of the room leaving free area to move about the rather crowded room. The stage itself was crowded with countless amps, five guitars, two bass guitars, a drum kit, and many other things such as jack boxes, distortion pedals, music stands, microphones, and not to mention all sorts of cord running everywhere, connecting everything to everything else. It was almost chaotic, but the members of the band insisted that it was completely organized.

The morning after the full moon, Remus had returned to his friends demanding to know what had happened. He knew that he had blacked out and he remembered little of the night. He knew that if he had no memory of what had taken place then it almost certainly wouldn't be good. After a lot of pleading, Sirius and James had broken down and regretfully told him what his memory did not. Remus did not take the news of his attack well. He blamed himself for nearly causing the death of not only the girl but also Sirius and James. He spent the whole day being utterly ashamed and disgusted with himself and hardly talked to anyone, answering any questions with only a simple yes or no. That night when he failed to come down from his dormitory, James and Sirius began to worry. They went in search of him and found that he was sitting silently on his bed, a packed trunk beside him.

"What do you think you are doing?" demanded Sirius when he realized what Remus was thinking.

"I can't stay," he replied. "Dumbledore trusted me and look what almost happened. I could have killed you both!" Sirius could tell his friend was close to tears and it tore at his heart to see Remus that way.

"Don't be ridiculous," said James sensibly. "You're not going anywhere. You never hurt anyone and you belong here."

"Don't try to stop me," Remus replied a slight and reluctant anger rising in his normally calm voice. He brushed his sandy hair away from his handsome face. He avoided making eye contact with either of them because he knew they would never let him leave. But he knew he had to do what he must.

"What do you think Dumbledore will do when he finds out you're gone?" questioned Sirius. "Do you really think he will just left you leave? Do you think he doesn't care about you? Do you think we don't care about you?"

Remus knew he was hurting them but he just couldn't stay. If he had killed them he would have never been able to live with himself. He would never be able to forgive himself. It would be pain far beyond that which was eating at him as he took his first steps toward the door. "Don't you think I know Dumbledore cares? Don't you think I know you guys care? Don't you think I care too?" he shouted at them. "That is why I have to go! I care about you too much!" He walked quickly across the room without looking at either of them.

"Remus Lupin," said Sirius as his friend's hand was on the knob and he was prepared to leave the room, "don't you move a step further or I swear I will tie you to that bed and turn all you belongings into giant man eating spiders."

Remus stopped in his trek and smiled slightly. Behind his back James and Sirius knew they had prevailed and smiled too. He knew in his heart that he could never leave them. They were all he had. Where else would he go?

"Do you want help unpacking?" James asked with a smile as Remus turned back to look at them.

* * *

Sirius' questions of who the girl by the lake had been were answered by Remus the same day he had nearly left.

"Her name is Riley," Remus told him when Sirius had pointed her out to him in their charms class. She had shown up in the classroom just after them and was accompanied by none other than Lily Evans and another girl that he was quite sure was names Summer. "She is the one you having been causing all this fuss about? She had been in all of our classes this year. I think she transferred from somewhere else but I don't know where. She talks with a sort of accent. I don't think she's from England."

"She's been here since the start of the year!" Sirius proclaimed. "When were you planning on saying something?"

"When were you planning on noticing?" Remus shot back in return. "She's a Gryffindor too."

"Oh," said Sirius defeated.

He spent that class, while actually that whole day staring at her. Damn she was gorgeous. The moon light did her beauty no justice. Her hair fell beautifully and soft around her face and stopped just passed her perfect shoulders. Her cheeks still held a slight pink blush to them that enhanced the splendor of her amazingly constructed face. Her eyes, which had been closed before, were however, the real loveliness of her face. They were deep and hazel like honey and the powerful green of a pine tree fused together to form one color whose magnificence was never before seen in the eyes of any. But their color was only half their brilliance. The held an intensity unlike Sirius had ever seen before. They were fierce and cool yet warm and perhaps even sad. They seemed to house so many emotions that he could not pick out any one in particular. But they were powerful and beautiful and caught his glace each time he looked at her face. Her lips were charming and luscious and Sirius often found himself drifting away from the boring drowning of his teachers and imagining himself kissing those gorgeous lips.

* * *

"Why have you all stopped?" Peter questioned as if they had been the problem and not he.

"Well sorry to tell you Petey, but it kind of hard to make the song sound good if the bass player can't play," Sirius said bluntly but truthfully.

Peter looked around at the others as if looking for someone who would defend him, but all he got was an amused smile from James and a nod of agreement from Remus. Sirius felt bad for him but he was indeed very tired of Peter ruining the songs he wrote and making a mess of them each time the Marauders performed in front of the school. Sirius, James, and Remus would always make playful jokes to disguise the poor performance of their so called bass player but ever did their annoyance with him grow.

"Are you saying I'm a bad bass player?" Peter questioned with offense.

"No I'm saying you're a horrible bass player," Sirius corrected and Peter's face fell. "You couldn't play music if Voldemort came and put the Imperius curse on you and ordered you to."

"No, he probably would be able to then, but you never know," disagreed James with a smile.

"Well what do you know? You have got to be the worst drummer at Hogwarts. We only keep you because those stupid giggly girls think you're so cute." Sirius laughed at his friend.

"Hey what can I say?" James laughed too.

"Well I have to agree with Sirius about James, but don't you think you are being a bit harsh on Peter?" Remus questioned. Sirius knew he was only saying it to be kind to Peter.

"No," Sirius replied simply. He knew he was being an asshole but he thought it a crime to hear his songs destroyed so violently by the likes of a bass player who thought that a guitar was a type of vegetable until Sirius had shoved one in his hands.

"Are you kicking me out of the band?" Peter asked, his face had gone quite pale and Sirius knew he had indeed gone too far.

"Well, no," he replied, finally taking pity on the poor boy. "Well at least not until we can find a replacement." Remus frowned at Sirius as he added the last bit. Sirius shrugged and Remus shook his head.

"Peter, don't listen to Sirius," Remus said calmly. "You know he's full of-"

"I am not!" exclaimed Sirius.

Peter shook his head. He uttered a loud sniff before looking up at them. Sirius was sure that he had started to cry, but when he spoke he was angry rather than upset. "No Sirius is right, I am terrible! And you know what? I don't care! I don't care about your stupid band! I don't even know why I agreed to join in the first place!"

He roughly threw the bass he held into its stand at which point Sirius had roared, "Be careful, with that! It's worth more than you've got!" to the further scowls of Remus. He stormed from the room without a second look back at them even as Remus called, "Peter, wait. He didn't mean it."

"That boy has got quite a temper," Sirius smirked after Peter was out of earshot.

"You are horrible sometimes, Sirius Black," Remus shot back at him. "We all know he's awful but did you really have to be so cruel?"

"Don't worry. He'll forgive us," Sirius replied. "He always does. I mean who else does he have?"

Remus scowled again but said, "I guess you're right. He won't be angry for long."

"But what do we do in the meantime?" questioned James. "We don't have a bass player anymore."

Sirius picked up the guitar that he had found beside Riley three nights before and threw himself into one of the red colored chairs. He plucked a few tuneless notes and replied, "That is a slight problem, isn't it?"

"I suppose we could ask around," suggested Remus.

"I guess there is bound to be someone who can decently play bass guitar somewhere in this school," James put in.

"Yeah, but it might be some Hufflepuff loser like Nathan McDonald," said Sirius with a mock look of disgust. "Or worse, Snivellus."

"Can you imagine old Snivelly with a guitar?" laughed James. "The great greasy git would probably think it was broomstick and try to ride it."

The remainder of the band broke into laughs at the thought of Snape trying to ride a guitar like a broom. Sirius thought that if they did indeed tell him that one of their guitars was the latest racing broom it would make for a great prank. He could imagine that thick idiot trying to push off at the start of a Quidditch match and then cursing the guitar into oblivion when it refused to lift into the air.

As Sirius laughed he quietly started to strum the chords to one of him favorite songs by a muggle band called the Hives. The song itself was called Walk Idiot Walk. The song didn't sound great played on acoustic guitar because it was mostly power cord driven and it needed distortion to get the right effect, but he didn't really care at the moment. He often spent time just sitting quietly playing whatever came to him mind. That was actually one of his favorite things to do. When he was alone with a guitar he suddenly got really creative and all sorts of lyrics come pouring out of his head. It was his favorite way to write songs because he could just think and play and be reflective and inspired.

Suddenly though something popped into his head and he stopped halfway through the chorus of the song. He accidentally hit a stray note and the chord he played sounded flat and wrong with the rest of the song.

"What's wrong?" questioned James, but then he too fell quiet as the same realization that had just hit Sirius entered his mind. Remus on the other hand had been waiting for the other two to notice since Sirius had begun to play. All three boys smiled because they knew they had found the answer to their problem.

"Yes," shouted Sirius, the bass notes to the song flowing steadily from Lily's dormitory penetrating his ears. "The day we would ask Snivellus to join the band would be the last day on earth. But now it looks as though that day is still a long way off."

"Shall we go meet our new bass player?" laughed James.

"I think so," replied Remus.

The three Marauders raced up the short flight of stairs, that thankfully did not turn into a slide at their first step, which led to the head girl's dormitory. Sirius, the first to reach the door, pounded heavily upon it and pushed it open without waiting for a response.

Inside were three girls. One of course was Lily. The other, he noticed, was the girl who he had seen with Riley named Summer. And last, much to the delight of Sirius, was Riley herself. She turned to face them and her face broke into a slight smile. Sirius followed the suite when he saw that it was she who held the bass guitar. Right behind him James and Remus were also beaming happily at their discovery as well.

"James Potter!" shrieked Lily at the sight of him. "What on earth do you think you are doing? You're not allowed up here!"

James' face fell a little then, for he had only just gotten Lily to stop hating him as she had since the very first day they had met. He indeed had fallen in love with her on that day and still loved her very dearly. Until the start of seventh year, though, she had avoided even talking to him because she loathed him so much, much to the misery of James. But now she was beginning to show signs that perhaps James stood a chance to win her over. They had most definitely become at the least friends and she had stopped yelling insults at him each time she saw him in the common room. Sirius was quite sure she had fallen as deeply in love with James as he had with her and it was only a matter of time before they were happily married and having little messy haired babies.

"What are you smiling at, Sirius Black?" she then shot at him.

"I believe I am smiling at the new Marauders bass player," he smirked in reply before returning his focus on Riley.

"Yes," James agreed, "I trust that it was your superb talent we heard coming from here a few minutes ago."

"Yeah, the Hives," she replied simply. "Great song."

"So..." Sirius prodded.

"Yes..." she replied.

"Are you going to join or not?" he questioned hardly containing his anxiousness.

"Well if you tell me where you got that guitar," she smiled, a gleam of amusement in her eye.

Sirius looked down at the guitar he still clutched in his hand. He had forgotten to put it down in his haste to dash up the stairs and find the producer of the song. He knew it belonged to her but what was he going to tell her about how he had come by it?

"Um...this guitar?" he motioned to the one in his hand.

"Yes," she replied.

"I found it," he replied not quite truthfully.

"Where did you find it?" she further questioned with a smile at how uneasy he looked.

"Outside," he replied again shortly, not wishing to reveal more than he had to.

"Are you sure?" she questioned.

"Yes, but I can see that this fine instrument clearly belongs to you so take it and that will be the end of it," he said quickly with out taking a breath.

"Thank you," she replied as she took it from him and propped it up against Lily's bed.

Sirius looked at her slightly amazed. She wasn't wearing the traditional Hogwarts uniform, but a pair of faded and artistically ripped jeans and a fitted hoodie with the name Billy Talent scribbled across the front. Her hair was pinned messily at the back of her head and many stray strands fell about her face. Also he noticed many streaks of black present in the deep chestnut color that he had somehow missed even after his time spent staring at her. About her waist was a belt embroidered with many metal studs and spikes and about her wrist a band to match it. The bass guitar she held in hand had stickers baring the words NOFX and Ramones and Rancid and many other punk bands. It took Sirius a moment to digest her change in appearance. She looked so looked so hot and so unlike any other girl at Hogwarts. Hardly anyone but himself and James and Remus ever wore anything but their Hogwarts uniforms. It was a real shock to see her dressed like that; so cool and hardcore. He was in love with her already. She looked as if she had been born a Marauder.

He found it sort of odd that of all people, she would be friends with Lily and Summer. He knew they were both over achievers, not so unlike himself but in the bad way. Both girls had perfect attendance records, both had been prefects, they studied practically non-stop throughout their time at Hogwarts and they were constantly fussing over their grades. She looked so different compared to them in their perfectly manicured uniforms and neatly done hair. Sirius was unsure of why she had chosen them as friends when she was so obviously Marauderish and unlike them.

"I would kindly ask you to stop starring at my cousin, Sirius," Lily said in the Professor McGonagall like voice which she had mastered incredibly quickly in there first year and usually reserved for telling James off.

"Your cousin?" he questioned slightly confused.

"Yeah," Riley herself replied. "Just started here this year. I used to go to this boring all witches school in Canada, but thank god I transferred here this year. I swear I was about to jump off a bridge if had to stay there any longer."

"Canada?" questioned Remus, who had been quite silent throughout the entire conversation so far. "You're from Canada?"

"Yeah," she replied. "My dad was an Auror. He worked for the ministry here though. I was actually born here in England, but dad was sent to Canada six years ago. Something about Voldemort and his supporters, you know, all that good stuff. But anyway I've lived there for the last six years. In Toronto. I was fun but I always wanted to come back home."

"Why did you come back then if your dad was there on ministry orders?" asked James, a look of interest and curiousness present in his eye. He dreamed of becoming and Auror after he left Hogwarts. He was always interested in hearing more about what it was like to be one and what it was like to be out there fighting against Voldemort."

She didn't answer immediately. "Because Lily and her parents are the only family me and my sister have left now, I suppose." She hung her head. She didn't want anyone to see her eyes, because she knew there, she was exposed. There they could see her weakness. She didn't want anyone to see her weakness. She didn't want to have a weakness. She looked up quickly and formed her face back into the smile she always wore, the smile she knew she could hide behind. She forced the pain from her eyes and fierceness back into them. But she didn't move fast enough.

Sirius caught her eye and held her gaze for a moment. For a moment he didn't see her beauty, he saw her pain. He saw her exposed and naked, unmasked. Her eyes hid a secret, deeper and darker than his own, and in that moment she let him glimpse that secret. She had been hurt, perhaps worse than he. He could see it. It was buried, buried deep past her exterior. No one could ever see it, but he did. In that moment he could feel her pain, unlike his own, yet not totally different. Inside she was scared. She was scared by a danger no one else knew, no one else could ever know. She was weak, weak like a child, yet masked by a guise of strength. But Sirius could see her. He could see her because he knew what her life was like, what real pain was like, what it was like to have no one.

She blinked and when he looked again it was gone. Everything he had seen, everything he had found, was gone. There was nothing now, nothing but a slight fierceness that masked those secrets. Her face was again formed into that smile that could melt his heart. Her moment of weakness had passed and she was strong again. Disguised, hidden, everything was hidden, everything about her was hidden.

The room fell silent for a moment and everybody knew James had touched on a bad subject. Sirius looked at the ground for a moment wondering what he had just seen and remembering his own hurt. Beside him he heard James mutter," Sorry, I didn't know." Sirius then smiled, for he recalled the night three days passed when his best friend uttered those same words to him. James did indeed have a thing for saying the wrong thing.

"Don't worry about it." Sirius looked up again and could see that Riley was wearing a look of slight sympathy toward James. "You didn't know," she said wishing he would stop looking at the ground. She didn't want him to be sad for her. Her loss was her own pain to bear and he didn't need to be sorry for her.

Sirius could see that nobody else was going to speak, so he being the great tension breaker that he was said, "So how about it, Riley? Going to join the band? We're the best Hogwarts has to offer."

She smiled at him, pretending to contemplate her answer. "Okay, I'll join," she informed them, to the great joy of all three Marauder boys.

"Great!" erupted Sirius, whose heart jumped at this opportunity to spend a lot more quality time with Riley.

"Splendid," said James, also quite glad as he saw this as a possibility to see a lot more of Lily as well.

"When do we start?" she questioned.

"Right now," supplied Remus. "Down stairs, in the common room."

Riley followed the boys down the stairs and into the adapted rehearsal room. She smiled at the set up, for it was the perfect place to just come and hang out and jam without the possibility of having either Professor McGonagall of Filch come and yell at her to stop disturbing the peace and quite. She had already had the unfortunate opportunity of encountering both in the month she had been at Hogwarts. Filch had nearly confiscated one of her guitars believing it to be a cleverly disguised stink bomb timed to go off at any given moment. She had been dearly grateful to the aid of the head master on that matter as he spent the better part of an hour convincing Filch that it as indeed a muggle instrument.

Sirius quickly grabbed a jack for Riley to plug her bass into an amp and James tossed her Peter's sheet of music for the song they had been practicing before their rehearsal had been called to an abrupt stop. She read it through quickly, her eyes moving steadily across the page and her foot drumming on the floor as if she were keeping the beat of it.

"Who wrote this?" she questioned when she had finished.

"Sirius," Remus replied, using an electronic tuner to make sure his guitar was tuned just right.

"Yeah, Padfoot writes all our songs," said James.

"What's a Padfoot?" asked Riley looking slightly confused.

"Oh, it's Sirius' nickname," answered James.

"Messed up name," she said. "Does he have weird feet or something?"

"Something like that," smiled Remus.

"So what do you think of the song?" questioned Sirius, hoping to steer the conversation away from his feet.

"It's great," she replied truthfully. "But it needs something."

"What?" asked Sirius, wondering if he had left out a line or something.

"Well two things," she smiled. "First a title and second, how about another singer?"

"A duet?" said Sirius, James, and Remus at the same time. Everyone looked at Sirius, as he was and always had been the singer. No one had ever suggested a duet before because no one but him had even the slightest vocal talent.

"Um, why?" asked Sirius.

"Well don't you think it would be totally different and creative to have two have two people sing it?" she questioned, a twinkle in her eye suggested she knew exactly what she was talking about. "Not your average rock song. Like Broken by Seether and Amy Lee. Would make the song about twenty times more original."

"Well who else would sing it?" questioned Sirius, with a smile back at James and Remus. "Have you ever heard them sing? If you haven't you're one of the lucky ones. Ever wonder why dinosaurs are extinct? They had the unfortunate displeasure of hearing James one morning in the shower."

"Well how about, um let's say, me," she replied sarcastically.

"You," said Sirius for lack of anything else to say.

"Yeah," she said. "I'll sing the verses cause they are short and you can take the choruses and the bridge. That way no one will think I'm trying to replace you. And when you're not singing play the chords on acoustic guitar. It will give the song a bit of a soft edge. A nice effect."

She smiled with a slightly devilish look to her. "We'll try it," he agreed because her smile made his heart melt like butter on a hot stove. "But only because you're so pretty."

She gave him a look as if he were pathetic but it quickly formed into a smile. "I think you're pretty too," she smirked and he replied, "I know."

She threw a gold pillow at his head and he grabbed it quickly out of the air before it made contact. "Sorry, love," he said. "Quidditch reflexes. Nothing hits me."

He threw the pillow back at her and she snatched it even more gracefully than he. "Sorry, love. Keeper reflexes. Nothing gets passed me." She smirked at him and he thought the look made her all the more beautiful.

"Alright, you two, break it up," James ordered, startlingly almost McGonagall like. "We still need to practice."

"Yeah," agreed Remus. "You are acting like children."

"You two should lighten up a little," retorted Sirius. "You work too hard."

"We work too hard?" said James with a smile. "You're the one who called this practice."

"Oh," said Sirius knowing he had been defeated, "well everyone back to work then."

He hopped up on the stage and took his usual place, center stage, behind a microphone, all attention focused on him. He loved to be in the spot light. That was why he had wanted to start the band in the first place. Not to mention why he spent so much time thinking up and performing the most extreme pranks and practical jokes that Hogwarts had ever seen. He gripped his own acoustic guitar in hand and strummed lightly the first few chords.

"Alright, one, two, three, four, go!" James counted one measure and each count was accompanied by a tap on the snare drum. As soon as he said go nothing could be heard over the music, amps turned as loud as they could go drum beat steady but creatively complex, as the intro to the yet untitled song sounded through the private common room and into the dormitories below.

The song sounded perfect, unlike it had with Peter on bass. Not one note of the intro was flat or sharp or behind. Sirius could have shouted with joy. The distortion driven song was softened slightly by the subtle touch of acoustic strumming that Riley had suggested, but still it sounded edgy and hard. Sirius was amazed at how right she had been. He guessed that she had been both playing and writing music for a long time to be able to pull suggestions like that out of thin air and have them work so perfectly.

As the intro came to and end he was almost sad because he had been so used to having to go over intros over and over again so Peter could catch on. And now they had to go through it once. Only once! Never in as long as he could remember had they gone through an intro only once before making it sound perfect. When the verse began though, all his attachment to the intro vanished with a beat on the high hat symbol.

"_Darkness is all around. _

_I am lost and never will be found._

_I am left out in the cold,_

_The pain that plagues me is getting really old_

_My heart is breaking, I'm held and bound._

_Can't you see what you have done to me?_

_Alone!"_

Sirius was awed by her talent. God she could sing. He was about ready to jump in front of her and demand that she sing the whole song and announce his resignation from the band just so he could keep on hearing her voice. But that was before he realized that then she would probably think he was crazy and would that ruin his chance to ever go out with her. But her voice was amazing. It was soft and pleasant yet held a hardcore edge like a mixture of Celine Dion and Tim Armstrong from Rancid. No, she was like Brodie Armstrong, but better, about one thousand times better. Actually he was quite sure that Brodie herself would be so impressed with Riley that she would induct her into the Distillers faster than you could say distillers. He only just managed to shake himself from the spell of her voice as she came to the last line.

"..._Alone!" _His own edgy and intensely passionate voice blended with hers on the last note and they held it together for a full measure before he finally broke away and took the lead of the song.

"_You tore my heart out. Why did I love you? _

_And you left me with nothing!_

_All I have left are your scars so new,_

_Cause you've beat me and broken me._

_You hurt me and kicked me and left me to die _

_And I may be alone but I'm still Alive!"_

Most songs that Sirius wrote were passionate and powerful, but this song was particularly strong. He had written it the night after the full moon attack. He didn't know why but he had the inspiration to write about his feelings, his hurt, his pain, his parents, his life. All his angst of the passed ten years flooded back to him and he had to write it out. He had to turn his story into a song.

Remus and James had come to the conclusion that the song came out of a bad break-up. Though they were quite wrong, it was indeed a very good guess considering that the day he had written it, his girlfriend, Angalie, had made a very public scene in the Great Hall dumping him half way through dinner. Sirius as usually had pretty much ignored her and put on a very clever face he used to win the sympathy of the many other girls present in the hall that night. In fact most of the girls present that night were thrilled to see the break-up because they knew that one of them would be the next girl envied by the whole school as Sirius Black's girlfriend.

The rest of the song played out with perfection. Not a spoiled note or off key chord met the ears of Summer and Lily, who enthusiastically applauded the first release of the newest favorite song of every girl in Hogwarts, as was every Marauders song until it was replaced with the next. James and Remus too looked quite ecstatic with the out come of the song. And Sirius and Riley beamed with satisfaction.

"See, I was right," Riley smiled, her head sloping ever so slightly to the side, cockiness present in all her features.

"Actually it was my song, and that was why it is so good," he protested but knew he was wasting his time and breath because her additions to the song were what had really made it amazing.

"Sorry, Sirius, you're beat," laughed James as he could see the fancy in his best friend's eye. "Just admit defeat. She's right"

"Hey whose side are you on anyway?" he questioned with mock offense.

"Whichever side had the best chance of winning," replied James with a smirk, "and I think that's Riley's side."

"Okay, okay," Sirius shouted throwing both hands into the air in exaggerated annoyance. "You win! Your ideas were wonderful! Because of you we will be informed shortly that our Grammy is coming with the morning post! And our life time achievement award for writing the best damn song the world had ever seen! Are you happy?"

"Yes," she replied simply with a smile.

"Well, I think it's almost time for dinner," said Remus glancing quickly at his watch. "How about ditching practice and getting something to eat?"

"Sounds good," agreed James, sticking his drum sticks into his back pocket and ruffling up his hair.

"Must you do that James," Lily said with exasperation but also with a smile at him.

"What?" he questioned looking openly confused.

"Mess up your hair like that," she smiled wider. "You look like a hobo. Use a brush."

"Ah, you like it Evans, don't you," James replied as he wrapped his arm around her.

"Sorry, Potter, but I don't," she replied failing to hide her smile as she ducked underneath his arm.

"Don't lie," he smirked and the two left the room.

Remus, Sirius, Riley, and her friend Summer all exchanged amused smiles as the couple left the room. Sirius could see that they all knew what he did. He had debated whether he should tell either about the others feelings but decided watching them figure it out for themselves was much more fun.

The three remaining band members replaced their instruments in stands and followed their friends out of the room and down the stairs that led to the main Gryffindor common room. Sirius smiled widely as he walked with Riley beside him. The Marauders had a new bass player, Lily and James were finally realizing their love, and he had the most beautiful girl in the whole school at his side. What more could he ask for? Well maybe hot fudge sundae and a bottle of fire whiskey, but hey he could live without those things. He was content. He was happy.

A.N.: Not bad if I do say so myself. Well actually I think it is pretty bad. But I don't really care what I think. I want to know what you think. SO REVIEW!!! NOW!! I'M WAITING! GO! Okay I'm done. Good day. I said good day!


	3. chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. No characters, no plot, no anything. Oh, wait I bought the Harry Potter books. Good story. But they belong to J.K. Rowling so I don't own them. Okay, do you understand? Good, cause I don't.**

A.N.: Hey! Wow this took a long time. I wrote it over like three times before I really figured out what I wanted it to say. And the site wasn't working so I couldn't post for like three days. Ahhh! It was driving me crazy. But anyway here it is. I think it's okay but hey my opinion doesn't really count. So review and tell me what you think. PLEASE!!

And to some of my reviewers who don't like my descriptions cough Lynelle cough you suck!! Okay I'm just kidding but hey I like to describe stuff. I think it makes the story better and makes you understand the characters better. But hey whatever floats you boat. Isn't that a cool saying?? _Whatever floats you boat._ It's so kick ass! My friend told me it once and now I say it lots. It rocks!! Anyway here's the story…

Chapter 3

"Oy! Can't you little brats be quiet for two minutes?" Sirius called across the room. He, Riley, and the others were seated around the fire in the common room and a noisy bunch of first years were excitedly trying to turn a large table into a pig. They had been at it for nearly half of an hour. One small boy had suggested that if they pooled their magic together that they may be able to accomplish their feat, but all they had managed to do was make the table squeal loudly every so often. "If you don't shut up, I'll turn one of you into a pig."

The ones who heard his threat over the howling of the table looked scared for a few moments, knowing full well that Sirius was capable of transfiguring them. Lily, however, calmed their uneasy faces as she scolded, "You will not, Black, unless you want detention for a month."

"You wouldn't put me in detention," Sirius challenged, smirking.

"Oh, you don't think so," Lily said menacingly.

Beside Sirius, Riley laughed and James said, "I think she would, mate. She's pretty horrible sometimes."

"Yeah," agreed Riley. "One time she locked my in a closet for an hour because I stole her doll and threw it in a tree."

"Really?" questioned James. "I was kidding. That really is horrible."

"I did not!" protested Lily.

"Yes you did," Riley corrected. "I remember, at Christmas time. And when they found me I hit you with the plunger and you pushed me in the bathtub and then our parents got all mad and said that if we didn't stop fighting then Santa wouldn't bring us any presents and then we spent the next hour crying because we were afraid he really wouldn't."

"You hit her with a plunger?" laughed Sirius. "That's horrible too. I can imagine Lily's face. Must have been hilarious. How old were you two?"

"We were five," Riley explained still laughing at her own story, "and we didn't really like each other, did we Lils?"

"No," she agreed from beside James, laughing almost hysterically. "And then next day I hid all your presents outside in the yard before you woke up and you thought Santa Clause had forgotten you."

"Yeah, and then I hit you with grandpa's walking stick and stuck your doll down the toilet," Riley laughed harder.

"Wow. You guys are really mean," laughed Remus along with the others. He and Summer sat together, rather closely, opposite Sirius and Riley. During supper Sirius noted that they seemed to be staring at each other rather a lot, and he guessed he knew what was going on. Or at least, what would soon be going on. He could see it in Remus' eyes as he sat across from him, laughing. Remus had a crush, or maybe even something a little more than a crush.

"Somehow I'm not surprised that you two are so terrible," laughed James. "You've always been a little trouble maker under that pretty face haven't you Evans?"

"Well Riley started that fight," she protested through laughs.

"But you start most of them," defended Riley, in much the same state of mirth as her cousin.

When the laughter had finally died down Sirius said, "Is there anymore stories that involve you two, a plunger, a toilet, and a walking stick that we should be aware of?"

"Oh, you don't know the half of it," replied Riley slyly and Lily nodded. "We've had some good times."

"So has anyone seen Peter," questioned Remus after a few seconds. "I mean since band practice?"

"He wasn't at band practice, was he?" asked Riley in return.

"He was," said Remus rather coolly, "until Sirius kicked him out."

"You kicked him out?" said Riley with a smile, despite Remus' frown. "And you say I'm terrible."

"Well I didn't really mean it," protested Sirius. "He just took it the wrong way."

"There's another way to take 'you're a horrible bass player and we're kicking you out as soon as we find a replacement'?" questioned James with a smile at his friend.

"Well…you have to admit…I know I was a bit harsh," Sirius said to the look Remus was giving him. "He was terrible."

"We all know that, but really Sirius, you were cruel to him," Remus replied.

"I think I saw him down stairs," said Summer. "After dinner, in the entrance hall, talking to some Slytherin losers."

"Peter was talking to people in Slytherin?" James raised an eyebrow.

"Why would he talk to them?" asked Sirius, also wondering why he would possibly need to say to them. "Doesn't really fit in with that crowd, does he?"

"What does it matter?" replied Remus.

"Yeah, I guess he can talk to whoever he wants, but Slytherins, really?" said Sirius.

"I don't know," said James with a shrug. "Doesn't really matter. It's kind of loud in here, anyone want to go for a walk?" He looked around the circle of friends. "Remus, Sirius, Riley? Anyone?'

"Sorry," said Remus, "homework, you know. Arithmancy, it's a killer. Care to join me Summer?"

"Yeah," she replied. "I need help with that chart thingy anyway." The pair walked away waving to the others that remain behind in the common room. When Summer turned her back Sirius gave Remus a slight smirk. Remus smiled hopefully in return, knowing his friend had guessed his feelings.

"Sirius, you coming?" asked James, now turning his focus to those who still remained.

"Sorry, can't. I'm busy," Sirius replied with a grin.

"Doing what?" questioned James, fearing he knew the answer.

"Keeping the hottest girl at Hogwarts company," he smiled as he put his arm around Riley.

"Oh really," she said as she struggled out of his playful grip.

"Well I'll come then," said Lily standing. "I don't really want to be left here with those two. They are bad enough one at a time."

James smiled and said, "You sure Evans? Alright, let's go." He and Lily walked toward the portrait hole and waved as Remus and Summer had before them. Sirius watched as they exited and left him and Riley alone.

As soon as the portrait closed behind them, a slightly devious grin crossed Riley's face. "Come on," she said as she took hold of Sirius' hand and led him up off the couch and toward the door that led to the girls' dormitories.

"Okay," he replied slightly sarcastically as he followed her closely.

She let go of his hand when they reached the flight of steps that curved their way up to the girls' dormitories above. She started up the stairs but stopped shortly when Sirius, behind her said, "Um, I can't go up there."

"Why not?" she questioned looking back down at him.

"Because I'm not a girl," he replied as if the answer were obvious.

"I can see that," she replied.

"The stairs turn into a slide if any boys try to climb them," he said exasperatedly. He knew she had only been at Hogwarts for a month, but he was sure some one would have told her about the enchantment put in place to ensure that no untrustworthy boys could get up to the girls' dorms.

"You mean you don't know how to break the spell?" she smiled slightly.

"You mean you do?" he questioned slightly confused. No one had ever been able to get up those stairs before, not for lack of trying though. James had once ended up in the hospital wing with a broken leg for his mistake of thinking that he could scale the slide.

"You haven't figured it out yet have you?" She laughed slightly.

He shook his head. "I'm supposed to know?"

"It's so easy. I would have thought that the smartest and most popular guys at Hogwarts would be able to figure it by now." She smiled at him, the same cocky smile she had worn earlier. "All you have to do is point you wand," she did, "and say stationaio."

Sirius watched her flick her wand slightly. Nothing appeared to happen, but she said, "Go ahead. See for yourself."

She walked slowly up looking back at him. She wore a smile as if daring him. He liked it. He smirked back at her and put his foot on the first step. Nothing happened. He took another step up. Nothing happened. He took another step. Nothing happened. He ran up the stairs, jumping two at a time, caught Riley around the waist and half carried her up the rest of the stairs until they reached a landing with a door labeled seventh years.

She struggled against his strength, product of many years of hard Quidditch training, and tried to break free. "Ah, Black, let go." She stomped on his foot and he finally let her free.

She turned to glare him and molded her beautiful face in to a type of Professor McGonagallish look. "What do you think you're doing," she said almost exactly as Lily had said those same words to James earlier.

Sirius looked taken aback. He thought that she would take his flirting a little more lightly. He didn't expect her to get angry with him.

Her face lifted and she smiled. "Don't look so serious, Sirius. I'm only kidding."

"I know," he said though he thought for a brief moment that she was indeed serious.

"Come on," she said, "we're going to miss them."

"Who?" asked Sirius confused as he followed her into the dorm.

"Lily and James," she replied as if the answer was apparent.

She led they way to a large window in the far wall. She pressed her hands against it and peered out. Sirius on the other hand, looked around at the room. It was large and circular just like the dormitory he slept and decorated in the Gryffindor colors of red and gold. There were four four poster beds with red hangings draped around them. Sirius could pick out which one was Riley's immediately as it was accompanied by two empty guitar stands, one occupied with a checkered, pink and black electric guitar, and a large amp. At the far end of the room there was a door that led to a private bathroom, which he thought was unfair considering there were no bathrooms in the boys' dorms but one large bathroom at the top of their tower that had to be shared by everyone. Part of the wall was devoted to three large windows that looked out over the front of the Hogwarts grounds and the lake.

"Nice room," he said, joining Riley by the window.

"Isn't yours exactly the same?" she asked.

"No way. This is way nicer than ours. We don't even have a bathroom," he protested. "They must like girls better here or something. That's why they don't let us come up here. So we don't all decide to complain and start a campaign to rebel against not having a bathroom."

She smiled and said, "So you're going to start a protest now?"

"Maybe," he smirked. He looked out over the empty grounds. "What are we looking at?"

"Just wait," Riley replied with a slight gleam of a smirk etched on her face.

"And what are we waiting for?" questioned Sirius deciding to play along with her secretive game.

"Them," she replied simply pointing.

Sirius turned and saw James and Lily emerging from the castle door many floors below. Dim light spilled out onto the lawn before disappearing quickly as the doors thudded shut behind them. He watched as they walked slowly and James grabbed Lily's hand lightly. He was surprised to see that she did not pull away as she regularly would have but cuddled closer into his shoulder. Sirius looked at Riley, who smiled as if she had been expecting this. He too smiled and continued watching now knowing why Riley had insisted on rushing up there.

"Aww, aren't they sweet?" Riley mocked, as James took off his coat and wrapped it around Lily's shoulders.

"So sweet," Sirius mocked along and he couldn't help hoping that one day it may be them walking together across the grounds in the moonlight.

Below, James and Lily walked under the shadow of the castle, becoming visible every few seconds as they passed a square of light, cast upon the ground by a window in the great school. They were now cuddled so tightly that Sirius was acting like a first year, issuing fake gagging noises to make Riley laugh. The pair was dancing around immaturely pretending to imitate James and Lily far below.

"Ooohh, James, I'm sooo cold, can I please have your jacket," Riley did a very high pitched imitation of Lily.

"Why sure gorgeous," replied Sirius following along with the joke. "I'll hold your hand too, to keep it from getting too cold."

"Oh, thank you sooo much," Riley continued. "Hey what's going on down there now?". Their friends had stopped in a square of light almost directly below them and were now looking at each other passionately. Riley knew what was going to happen next and she wasn't about to let them get away with it.

"He's going to kiss her," said Sirius with a devious smile.

"Oh really," Riley said. "We can't just let them have their first kiss without a little bit of a prank, can we?"

"I don't think so," agreed Sirius. "Accio water." A jug full of water from the bathroom came speeding at his command. He caught it gracefully and said, "Shall we dump it on them, or do you have something more creative in mind?"

"Just dumping it should be prefect," she replied with a wide smile. "It's a classic. It will be great."

They pushed the window wide open and the chilly early October air rushed in to meet them. Below, James whispered something in Lily's ear and she laughed slightly. He put his arms around her slender waist and hers were around his neck. Their heads neared and Lily's long vibrant hair blocked her smiling face from view. They both shut their eyes and felt their lips brush ever so slightly.

"Now!" shouted Riley and Sirius let loose the water.

The grounds below echoed with Lily's shrieks as the cold water hit her head. "I swear to God I'm going to murder you both! You won't live to see the day you get out of detention!" Her threats sounded clearly above any other noise that night and many students stuck their heads out of windows to see what had caused the commotion. Lily was clearly seen, soaking wet and shaking her fist in rage up at the two laughing friends locked safely in the castle. James stood, a smile crossed between some sort of amusement and some sort of annoyance was etched in his face. He did nothing to stop Lily rousing the whole school but rather watched her enjoyably. "Sirius Black and Riley Evans you are not going to get away with this!"

Riley and Sirius, on the other hand, were laughing historically at the couple below. Riley fell over from laughing so hard and Sirius was failing at the attempt to help her back to her feet. He too gave up and they both lay on the floor laughing so hard they could hardly breathe let alone talk.

"That-was-great," gasped Riley, laughing into Sirius shoulder.

All he could muster between snorts of mirth was, "Yeah!"

"Did-you see-their-their faces?" she chortled.

He nodded and huffed, "Classic-absolutely-priceless! James-hilarious-Lily-so pissed-off. Great."

They continued on for a while unable to stop, or even stand. Tears streamed down both their faces long after the threats issuing from Lily died away. They couldn't stop. Every time one of them would finally be able to quiet them self they would look at the other and fall victim to the hilarity again. Long after everyone had stopped looking out their windows and chuckling quietly to themselves, they still couldn't stop. Long after the humor died away, they still laughed. It was just like one of those times when laughter seems uncontrollable and you can't stop.

They finally managed to restrict their humor to a few short chuckles, though, and regained use of their legs.

"Wow, that was good," said Riley wiping tears from her eyes.

"Yeah," said Sirius looking out the window again. James and Lily were no where to be seen. He guessed they had gone back inside to warm up and get dry.

He noticed that a dull pain was present once again in his back. It was the product of the three long gashes he had gained from the hands of Remus on the night of the attack. Remus and James had been urging him to go to the matron since that night but his pride willed him not to do so. He was sure that the pain would fade. He didn't need any help.

"You okay?" asked Riley from beside him as he had caught a quick glimpse of the ache on his face before he hid it.

"Yeah," he lied, "I'm fine." He smiled at her and she heeded him though she knew he was not being completely truthful.

They both took seats on her unmade bed, which contrasted greatly with the other three present in the room as they were all neat and smooth. "What about a title for that song?" Sirius questioned, noticing the many sheets of music scattered about the floor around her bed. "I was thinking about Alone. You know it's the lead in to the chorus and all. It's the obvious choice I guess. What do you think?"

Riley looked at him, her splendid and deep hazel eyes boring into his own gray ones. "What about Alive?" she asked in return.

"Alive?" he looked at her wondering if she picked up what others did not.

"Well it's not just about being alone, is it? It's about surviving, making it through hardships and pain and all that stuff. It's about not giving in to adversity and suffering. It's about staying alive, isn't it?" she looked at him, no longer laughing but looking serious. Her eyes once again, though not fully exposed, leaked a crack of their emotion, sadness and pain and fear all in once glance.

"Yeah it is," he replied. "I didn't think any one would pick up on that."

"It's not about a break-up, is it?" she continued.

"Well, no," he answered. He knew she was the only one who had been able to see past the exterior of his song and into its very heart. She was the only one who had seen his very heart and feelings, as the song echoed them. It echoed his life, and he knew she could see the pain of it but she could not see the story quite yet. And though he could see the longing in her eyes to know what had caused him such great angst and grief, he could not bring himself to tell her just yet.

She smiled then, breaking the heavy mood of past hurt and present memories. "A hidden meaning?" she asked, with a note of suspense in her voice and a gleam of amusement in her eye.

"I guess you could say that," he replied, returning the playful smile. He looked into her eyes again and then added, "But I'm not the only one hiding something, am I?"

Her face formed into a look that said he had clearly caught her off guard but she said truthfully, "No."

The room stayed silent for a moment. Riley looked at the wall across from them, eyes unfocused and staring. Sirius looked at her. He didn't know what it was she was hiding or why she did, but he did know her past held pain, just like his own had. Her family was dead, that he knew, but somehow he knew too that that was only the beginning of her anguish. Her past held something else, something worse than death. But he couldn't see it, just like she could not fully see him.

Riley looked up again, her face once again smiling, "So what should it be? Alone or Alive?"

Sirius scanned her lovely face, smiling gently. "I think you're right again," he replied softly in tone.

Her smile turned into a jesting smirk. "Of course I'm right," she agreed with fake conceit.

He smiled and laughed lightly. He couldn't help it. She was so beautiful and wonderful. Each time he looked at her he could feel the love in his hearth growing. It was amazing. He had never been in love before, or really ever wanted to be. But now, so unexpectedly, did it find him and he was glad that it did. The way she smiled and smirked and talked and laughed and even the look of mysterious sadness locked in her eye made his heart swoon with joy and warmth. What he felt for her was beyond that of lust or love of beauty, but was that of pure love, far greater than any feelings he had for any other girl. The only thought then, that darkened his heart, was the thought that maybe she didn't love him back.

"What?" she asked as he laughed slightly at her.

"Nothing," he replied smiling at the amusedly confused face she now wore.

"Don't lie. What so funny?" she questioned.

"Well if you really want to know," he answered slowly with mock suspense, "you'll have to catch me!" He jumped up and ran to the other side of the room ducking behind one of the perfectly made beds.

She gave him a look as if his flirty antics were pathetic and childish and said, "Really Sirius, do you think I'm going to chase you?"

He smirked and nodded.

She smiled too and said, "I think you're right." She ran across the room to where he stood, but he jumped across the bed and raced in the other direction.

"Come on, Evans, you can do better than that!" he prodded her and stopped behind her own bed.

"Black, you're pathetic!" she dived across the bed and tried to grab one of his legs and pull him to the ground. She managed to catch a piece of his t-shirt, but he pulled it quickly from her grasp.

He sprinted away again, stopping in the middle of the room. He threw his hands up in the air with in mock defeat. "Okay, Riley, since you're so slow, I'll stand right here and not move and you can see if you can catch me." He smiled widely, daring her, knowing that she wouldn't refuse a dare.

She smirked in return. She grabbed a pillow from her bad and walked slowly toward him. He watched her steps, anticipating both her movements and when he would dive away. Their eyes locked together, amusement present in both. He grinned wider, cockiness becoming more prominent. Her face remained steadily determined and mockingly fierce.

She was four steps away and kept coming. Now three, he would jump away soon. Two steps, almost time. One step, not just yet. Her foot lifted for the last time…now! He sprang into action. He jumped aside from her as she too pounced. He managed to escape her body check but wasn't so luck when it came to the heavy blow from the pillow she landed on his head.

"Hey!" he shouted as he dashed away again.

"You moved!" she exclaimed as she rushed after him.

He took cover behind a chair. "You're not allowed to hit!"

"Who says?" she replied as the pillow landed on his head again.

"I do!" he replied running over to an empty bed and snatching up another pillow. He ran forward and brought the pillow down on her own head.

"Oww!" she exclaimed jokingly.

She hit him in the stomach in retaliation. And he hit her again. Before they knew it the room was full of feathers flying everywhere and coating the floor.

"Ahh!" shouted Riley as another blow landed on her head and Sirius shouted, "Hey!" as her pillow hit him in the face.

Sirius grabbed Riley's pillow and wrenched it from her hand. "Hey!" she exclaimed. "No fair!" She then dived forward and caught Sirius around the waist, tackling him to the ground. They both fell to the ground among the feathers like snow. Sirius' back took the force of the blow and he cried out briefly in pain.

"What's wrong?" she asked concern coming over her face for the second time that night.

"Nothing," winced, also for a second time, though this time the pain was much more intense and it felt as if the wounds, that had only just begun to heal, had broken open again. But Sirius forced that from his mind and smiled again, though his back throbbed excruciatingly.

He rolled them both over and pinned Riley to the ground. She smiled and said, "I thought I was supposed to be catching you."

"Yeah," he replied, "but I think I caught you instead."

She smiled and as he looked into her eyes he felt like he had never before. He was so happy. He had never really truly been happy before, but now, in her eyes he found actual happiness. He loved her. Those words rang in his head. He loved her, he loved her. They sounded so weird to him, to him who had only truly loved James and Remus before. But he was in love or at least falling fast into it.

He wanted to kiss her, to bring his lips to her own. But he did not just want to kiss the way lust requires, but the way love requires, with passion and gentleness, and purity. He felt his lips unworthy of her fair kiss though, as they had beheld so many before and her lips seemed so innocent. He felt unworthy of such love that she could give, him having before so many others that he had claimed to love. But had he really loved any before her? He could not tell and that brought doubt into his mind. What if he didn't really love her? What if all he was feeling was really only love of her beauty? The doubts that he held, made him hesitant to express his feelings with a kiss. Sure his feeling felt different and true, but how could he really be sure. He didn't want to hurt her, ever. He didn't want to see her in pain and tears. He didn't ever want to see her in angst from pain he had caused.

He laughed again seeing her try to struggle out of his grasp. He knew she was quite strong, but his muscles, toned from so many years as a star chaser, were under matched against her.

"Now what's so funny?" she questioned looking up at him.

He smiled. "You."

"Me?" she questioned.

"Yeah," he replied. "The way you laugh and smile and look at me, it makes me laugh."

"Thanks," she replied sarcastically. She knew what he meant, but he was awful at saying what he did mean.

He released one of her hands and she tried to push him off with it. When she failed to make any difference she sighed and placed her hand on his back, which was still aching heartily.

He twitched slightly when her hand made contact and a brief wave of pain crossed his face again. But she was so close that she caught the look and saw the hurt he was hiding from her.

"Are you okay?" she asked a look of concern and worry crossing her face. "What's wrong?"

He finally released her as the ache intensified and he was unable to restrain her. He sat up breathing heavily. She sat up too seeing the now exposed pain on his face and movements. She then saw the proof of his wound when she saw her own hand.

"Sirius, you're bleeding," she revealed, seeing the blood that had soaked through both bandage and shirt and stained her hand scarlet. Indeed blood was soaking his black t-shirt and dripping down onto his creatively faded jeans.

His face was turning pale as the blood leaked from his back. He lifted a hand up to touch it and he grimaced as his hand emerged red and shaking. He looked faint and sick and Riley was sure that the amount of blood he had lost was hurting him greatly. She wondered how long he had been bleeding and guessed that the fall was what had started it.

Sirius began to wobble as if he was on the verge of fainting. "Don't faint," she whispered calmly into his ear as she took his head in her hands. "Don't fall asleep. You have got to get to the hospital ward. Don't faint."

He blinked up at her, lightheadedness distorting her lovely face. He could hardly control his shaking limbs. He didn't know what was going on. All he knew was he was in great pain, horrible pain, pain worse than death.

The wounds spilled blood faster and faster and Riley couldn't stop the bleeding. "Don't pass out Sirius, please!" The she was beginning to become frantic. She couldn't lift him down the stairs and she couldn't leave him to go for help. So she did the only thing she could think of. She tried her best to stop the perfuse bleeding, putting pressure on the wounds and trying to remember any useful spells that she had learned in her Healing classes last year, as Healing was a required class at the school she had previously attended.

"Help!" she called as Sirius started to fade. "Someone please help!"

The door then banged open and Lily came in followed by James.

"What's wrong Ri-Oh my God! Sirius!" Lily exclaimed seeing both her cousin and him sprawled on the floor.

"Thank God you're here!" cried Riley, her own face quite pale by then and her eyes nearly leaking tears.

James rushed to his friend's side and Lily closely followed wrapping her arms around her shaking cousin. "What happened?" James demanded.

"I-I don't kn-know," Riley said as she finally let loose the tears that she had been fighting.

"Sirius, don't faint," James continued looking into Sirius' pale face. "Why didn't you go to Madame Pomfrey before, you stubborn idiot! Now look what's happened!"

"What happened?" asked Lily, also quite white.

"It was um…a Quidditch accident," James lied quickly.

Both Lily and Riley were too worried to see what a feeble lie it was and accepted it with out objection.

"Quick we have to get him to the Hospital ward," James instructed, being the only one who still seemed to have control of rational thinking. "Lily, go find Remus and tell him to come quickly."

Lily rushed out of the room red hair flowing behind and left James and Riley to look over Sirius, pale and bleeding, and on the edge of unconsciousness, or even…death.

She returned a few minutes later, Remus right behind. His face fell into a look of ashamed pain and shock. He rushed to Sirius' side and whispered, "Oh my God."

"We have to get him to Madame Pomfrey," repeated James to him. "We'll have to carry him."

Remus nodded and got to his feet. He saw Riley, white and worried, staring at the wall opposite her. He went and put his arm around her in an attempt to comfort her. "It's not your fault," he said soothingly. She looked up at him and he could see the tears present in her eyes, her eyes which he could see had not shed a tear in a very long time. "He'll be alright. Madame Pomfrey will have him better in no time, believe me." He pulled her into a tight hug and broke away to help James lift their friend down the stairs and to the hospital wing.

Riley followed behind, shaking and white. She was scared for him, scared only as she had been once before in her life.

A.N.: Whoa what's gonna happen???? No one knows except for me. I've already written half of the next chapter. So the faster you review the faster I will write. jk. I'll write it as fast as I can. But please r&r!!


	4. chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything!! I swear!! **

A.N.: Hello all my awesome readers and reviews. You guys rock!! Especially Mistina and xxxsapphiretearxxx, and I guess Fun-wait let me get this right… FuNnY cIdE is pretty cool too. Just thought I would get that out of the way first.

So were you worried? You didn't actually think I would kill Sirius off did you? I mean duh he's the main character!! But wait maybe I will and Peter will make a come back and be the new main character! lol! Just kidding everybody, nothing to worry about. So new chapter. Um, I think it's okay. The next one I think will be more interesting but this one is still good. For those of you who do not appreciate the creativeness and thought that goes into my well planned descriptions (Funny cide) then I am sure you will be glad to know that there are more of them in this chapter. Okay just kidding I don't actually plan out or even think too much about them. I just write em. So if you don't like em don't read em. But I don't think even you will mind these Lynelle. Thanks all and please review. Peace out!

Chapter 4

The next morning Sirius woke, stiff and tired, but quite painless. He blinked at the early morning light streaming in through the window opposite him.

"Ah, it's too early to get up," he mumbled. "Someone shut that light."

When he finally brought himself to lower the blankets from over his head, he saw that he was not in his dormitory at all, but in a large room he recognized eventually as the hospital wing. The early morning sun filled the room and gave off a cheery light, but the overall mood in the room seemed quite tense and worried.

He noticed finally that he was not alone in the room as he had first thought. Behind a door at the far end of the chamber he could hear a voice which undoubtedly belonged to the matron, Madame Pomfrey. She was loudly tutting and fussing over something as usual, but what, Sirius could not tell. Also his bed was surrounded by none other than James, Remus, Lily and Summer. Lily and James were settled together in a large armchair, Lily's head against James' breast. While Summer and Remus were seated in two chairs beside each other, Summers head on Remus' shoulder. All were fast asleep.

He wondered why they were all there and why indeed he was there. The last thing he remembered the night before was himself and Riley engaging in a playful pillow fight. Also present in his mind though, were short bits of memories that he wasn't quite were dreams or reality. He could remember his friends' faces, pale and worried, begging him not to faint not to, die, and pain, excruciating pain, and blood red as death. He tried to remember the night but the more he wondered the more the memories seemed to fade and he could remember no more.

As he glanced around again he wondered where Riley had gone. He wondered why she had left him. He could feel his heart longing to see her again, longing to hear her voice. It was an odd sensation. He was worried about why he was in the hospital ward and how he had got there, but he knew if he could only see her face, he would be okay. He remembered her face, clearest. Tears streamed down it as she stood pale and ghostly. He knew she had been there, but why did she leave? She had been with him, never leaving his side, but now she was gone.

He tried to brush his long hair out of his eyes but found his hand was held tightly. He turned his head slightly to the left and saw that it was grasped rigidly in the grip of Riley. When he saw this his heart, dashed and worried, lighted and he smiled. She hadn't left at all, and the part of his heart that knew she would never leave, was glad.

Her grip was tight from worry and anxiety and her knuckled white. Her hands were warm, but for the very tips of her fingers that stung his own hand lightly with chill. Her head rested softly on the edge of the bed, eyes shut, hair messy, and face slightly pale but still her cheeks glowed softly pink. He thought she looked beautiful as ever as she lay there. Sleep did not hide her worry but gave her an innocent pure look like a young child and Sirius watched her lovingly and longingly. He wished he could watch her sleep every night.

He reached his other hand over and lightly touched her face. It was warm and soft. She stirred slightly, eye lashes fluttering for a moment. Then suddenly her eyes popped open with a flash of hazel and she woke with a jump.

"Sirius," she said quietly but startled and surprised. "You're awake."

"Yeah," he grinned, "I just woke up."

"Are you okay?" she questioned. "Last night was awful."

"I know, but I don't remember any of it," he replied, still aware that his hand was still clutched in her own.

"You don't want to," she said looking away from his eyes. "It was awful. You almost… died."

He looked at her. How could he have ever accused her of leaving him when she was clearly so worried and shaken over what had happened. He eyes, still fierce, were also warm and relieved to see him awake and well. He knew though they had only truly been friends for maybe a day, she cared greatly for him, as much as James and Remus did.

"So," he said breaking the silence, "shall we wake them?" He nodded at the others still sleeping soundly and a wide smiled stretched across his face.

"I think we should," she replied forming a smile to match his.

The talked quietly for the next ten minutes devising a cruel but cleverly funny prank and when all was done there was no doubt in Riley's mind that Sirius had indeed returned to perfect health and insanity. The prank was sure to cause quite a rouse out of everyone. They didn't stop to think about how the other would react but launched right into their devious mischief.

"Oh my God!" she cried loudly. "Somebody, Madame Pomfrey! He's gone rigid and cold! I think…I think he-he's…dead!"

The others woke swiftly, jumped to their feet and rushed to Sirius's bed. They had all gone white and their faces held looks as if their worst nightmares had come true. Riley helped the situation along greatly, playing her role perfectly, weeping silently, tears streaming down her face, shaking as she had the night before.

"Sirius!" shouted James. The look on his face almost made Riley repent their joke. "Please God, no! Madame Pomfrey!" He was so pale and he shook more violently than any. Sirius couldn't be dead. Never. He was too strong, too brave, too loyal and loving. He couldn't be gone. James couldn't be without Sirius, he could never live without him.

The matron came running as fast as her short legs could carry her. "What is this nonsense? Who's dead? Surely not him…" She trailed off when she saw him. Sirius did play the part of death very well.

"Oh my God," muttered Lily who had once again wrapped her arms lovingly around her cousin. Riley herself was laughing into Lily's shoulder, but her cousin thickly mistook her laughs for cries of fear and sadness.

Remus gripped the end of the bed tightly. His jaw was clenched and he was dangerously close to tears, as was James. He knew that if Sirius was dead it was all his fault. He was disgusted with himself as he looked upon his friend's falsely dead body. No he was not disgusted, for it was too fair a word. He hated himself. He hated himself so much. Words could not describe the hatred that he felt in his heart. How could he have done it? How could he have killed Sirius?

Summer stood behind Remus. She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. He shook it off. He didn't deserve it. How could he? He killed him. He killed him. Those words echoed horribly in his head. He did it. It was him. Remus couldn't stand it any longer. Tears leaked from his eyes and he turned away. He wanted to run, run away from everybody he loved and knew, and never be found again.

Summer looked at him. She saw his pain and hurt. She tried again to console him but he would not have it. She gave up and stared forlornly from Remus to Sirius' act on the bed. God life was cruel she thought to herself as she wiped a tear from her own eye.

Sirius himself could hardly contain the smile that was bursting to come out. His cheeks burned trying to conceal the jest but he couldn't hold it any longer. He opened his eyes and a wide grin formed across his handsome face. His laughs filled the room and all eyes, none still dry, returned to him.

"You!" shrieked Lily after a moment of stunned silence. "How could you? Look at everyone. James, Remus, Riley-"

"Hey, she's not innocent," he laughed.

Riley puller her face from Lily's shoulder and her mirth was revealed. Tears streamed down her face but they were nothing more than those of joy. "Your faces," she laughed. "That was awful."

"Yeah it was!" shot Remus. "How could you two let us believe you were dead? How could you do that to us, your friends?" He turned away and headed toward the door of the ward.

"Remus wait!" called Sirius. "I'm sorry." He was now somber. Seeing the pain in his friends' eyes made him regret the joke and filled him with much despondency. "James, Remus, everyone, I'm so sorry, I swear."

Riley too had fallen silent. Her expression matched Sirius'. She nodded her agreement to the room.

James looked solemn. He didn't say a word. He seemed both relieved and mad. But whatever it was that he felt, it seemed to be taking all his efforts to contain his words. He stood and left the room despite Lily's cry of, "James wait." She followed him out of the room and Remus left fast behind them. Last Summer left, with a last glance back at the cheerless and regretful expressions Sirius and Riley wore.

"Bad time for a joke," said Sirius, breaking the heavy silence with a sigh.

Riley nodded.

"Right you are, you horrible, foul, awful…" Madame Pomfrey struggled to find a word to call Sirius. "Boy!" She gave him a swift hit across the side of his head and stormed back to her office. "You're free to go!" she shot as she slammed her door behind her.

Sirius and Riley looked at each other and smiled slightly despite the situation.

"Shall we be going then?" he asked quickly.

"Yeah, let's get out of here," Riley replied.

The next few weeks went by in a blur of school and Quidditch and band practice and pranks, and for Sirius a dire longing to be more than just friends with Riley. Constantly she was on his mind. Her smile and laugh and voice were ever etched in his thoughts. He had fallen passed the point where he could doubt his feelings for her but still he couldn't bring himself to tell her because he was afraid she would refuse him.

They were friends now, amazing friends, like only he and James and Remus. They were together always, in class, in the common room, at dinner. They were closer than any brother or sister and that filled Sirius with dejection because he couldn't stand being so close to her and not having her and touching her and kissing her. It was driving him crazy.

"Ahhhh," he cried to James one afternoon.

He smiled at his friend. "Still haven't told her?"

"Nope," Sirius replied simply. He and Riley had managed to gain the forgiveness of almost all of their friends. James, Lily and Summer had let their anger at the cruel joke pass after they had spent an entire afternoon listening to Riley and Sirius beg and plead and make many ludicrous promises to regain their friendship. And to say the least, everyone was going to be receiving amazing Christmas gifts that year.

James had come back to himself very quickly, realizing he could not possible stay infuriated with Sirius. He loved him too much. They had been friends for as long as he could remember, even before their coming to Hogwarts, and everything about Sirius made James happy. He was so funny and kind and creative and strong, James could never be without him. He was more than a brother, he was a best friend greater than any other.

On the other hand, Remus still had not said a word to Sirius. He had tried many times to apologize to his dear friend and each time met Remus' back rather than his face. He could not count the number of times he had uttered the words I'm sorry and gotten no response. It hurt him not to speak with Remus and pained even more to know how much his stupid childish prank had hurt his friend. He feared the end of an age old friendship and knew that if it did indeed come to that, his heart would break.

"Why don't you just ask her out?" questioned James. "Just ask if she wants to go into Hogsmaede or something. I think she'll say yes."

"But what if she doesn't?" he moaned.

"Well you'll have to deal with that when you get to it, mate," James replied. He and Lily had been fully exposed thanks to the water prank, but James could not complain. Lily was his girlfriend. He had been dreaming of that moment since he had first lain eyes on her. He was the happiest her had ever been before.

"If she turns me down I'll kill myself, I swear," Sirius threatened.

"That's okay," smirked James, "then I would be the best looking guy at Hogwarts."

"Don't get too excited," Sirius said, "she hasn't turned me down yet."

"It's only a matter of time," James replied.

"Hey I thought you were supposed to be helping me?" Sirius proclaimed.

"I am," replied James.

Sirius threw a pillow at his head.

Later that afternoon Sirius went up to the heads common room to retrieve a guitar as he had a new idea for a song. When he entered though he found none other that Remus sitting alone, strumming away tunelessly on an acoustic guitar. At first he didn't hear Sirius enter but looked up when he said, "Hey."

He proceeded to turn away from his friend as if the greeting had been nothing other than the wind blowing outside the castle. Sirius was too used to this by now to let it bother him, so he strode wordlessly to the stand where his guitar lay and sat opposite Remus. He didn't look up.

"Look Remus," said Sirius, a knot in his stomach, "I know what I did was horrible and I know how much I hurt you, but what I know most is that I'm sorry."

Remus stopped his playing. Slowly, for the first time in nearly two weeks, he looked into Sirius' eyes. "You know what, Sirius," he began his soft and gentle voice holding a hard edge. "I don't think you do know."

"What?" asked Sirius, slightly taken aback.

"I don't think you really know how you made me feel," repeated Remus. He paused for a few brief moments and a tense silence hung. "I thought I…I killed you Sirius! Do you really know what that feels like?" he demanded at his friend and stood setting his guitar aside.

"Remus I…I'm sorry," Sirius replied with a new understanding of his friend's anger. "I'm just…sorry."

"How can you sit there and apologize? You don't know what I was thinking when we all thought you were dead! You don't know how guilty and disgusted and angry I was at myself!" Remus shouted. Sirius could see the hurt in his deep green eyes. "I thought you were _dead,_ Sirius! I thought I had killed you! It was the worst moment of my life. You and James are the only people I have left that care about me. That love me and can see past the beast that I am…and to see you, dead…it's worse than you could ever imagine." Remus sat again, his voice softening as he spoke. His sandy hair fell across his face as he placed his head in his hands.

Sirius didn't speak, partially because he didn't know what to say and also because the image of both Remus and James' dead cold lifeless bodies, lying stiffly upon the unforgiving earth, had entered his mind in that moment. He could see how Remus felt now. He felt hurt, not just because of the childish prank, but because he felt that he really could have killed Sirius that night. He felt responsible for the wounds and near death experience that he had inflicted on his friend. He felt as if by loving them and having friendship with them he endangered their lives because he could not truly control the monster that he was. As Sirius scanned Remus, he could not shake the harsh new understanding of his friend's fears and pain from him. He knew that Remus lived daily with the terror, that one day, someone, some friend, would die at his vile beastly hands.

"Remus," Sirius said gently, "You didn't kill me. I'm fine. You could never truly hurt me unless you refuse to forgive me. James and I both love you and know you for who, what you really are. You are not a monster. You are kind and gentle and smart and loyal and brave and the best friend anyone could ever possibly imagine. Don't let yourself be in pain over an accident. We were all careless that night and if anyone should be blamed it should be me."

Remus looked up at Sirius. He knew he could never keep up this anger toward him. Outwardly he was so strong and handsome and brave, yet arrogant and cocky at most times. But underneath he was so hurt and imprisoned by his own pain and past, all he wanted was to be free. He was so much more loyal and gentle than any Hufflepuff. He was bolder than any other Gryffindor and more intelligent and knowledgeable than any Ravenclaw. The only way Remus could describe him was Sirius, Sirius Black. He was a rebel to his family, loyal solely to his friends, full of wisdom that none would ever deem him to have, more playful and fun loving than any child, and a greater friend than any other.

Remus looked up at him, his determined anger failing as he glimpsed that handsome face, framed with the ever consistent messily striking hair that was blacker than jet. His eyes, gray, surrounded by long lashes, held desperation, wishing only to reconcile the strife and tension between himself and Remus. His face held worry, as if it were bracing it self for a final blow of refusal. His lips were silently uttering the same words they had been for the past weeks. I'm sorry, they spelled without movement or sound.

"Sirius," Remus finally said and a gleam of hope entered the eye of his friend, hopping only that their friendship would not end in this last conversation. "I'm sorry."

Sirius now looked confused. "Huh?" he said quite forgetting the lengthy lessons given by Lily to impress on him that huh is not even remotely a word and that people with manners should say pardon.

Remus smiled. Sirius had a way of making not only him but everyone smile without meaning too. Whether by his charm, boyish and fun loving, or by his striking good looks, he never failed at the task to make anyone smile or more likely burst out laughing.

Sirius eventually caught the look on Remus' face and his own cheeks mimicked the suite and formed into a vast grin. Slight dimples appeared but Sirius always denied them.

"So you're sorry?" he smiled but still said with a hint of confusion. "For what?"

"For being a stupid idiot and not realizing how much I was hurting you in return," Remus replied.

"Oh," said Sirius. "Well. Since this is mostly my fault anyway, I guess, I could forgive you for being a stubborn ass."

Remus laughed.

A week later Sirius has still not managed to ask Riley even to go into Hogsmaede with him or on any date for that matter. But with the start of the Quidditch season he had good reason not to. His mind was focused on helping James pick the Gryffindor team. James was captain and he was assistant captain and almost all of the team had dissolved at the end of the last season.

"Okay, we still need a keeper," said James to Sirius and Remus. "You guys and Laine are our chasers, I'm seeker, Annsely and Jacob are beaters, but we still need a keeper."

"We know James," said Sirius much calmer than his friend. "I'm sure there's a keeper here somewhere."

"Yeah," agreed Remus, "but I don't think there is anyone who can replace O'Rielly. He's playing for England now I think."

"Don't say that. We need a keeper, a good one. You've seen how good the Slytherins are this year," James nearly hyperventilated. He had been obsessing over the house team for the last week and their lack of any sign of a talented keeper. Sirius and Remus were sure if they did not find someone soon James would be likely to be found drowning himself in a toilet. So all three boys had been looking tirelessly to round up any person they could to come to the team tryouts that day.

Sirius was sure they would find someone by now but still there seemed to be no one who could fill the gapping void that Thomas O'Rielly left when he graduated at the end of the year before. James' fanatics over the passed week were not only driving himself crazy but everyone else. Lily had even threatened to stop talking to him if he mentioned anymore tactics or game plans over dinner.

"Any luck yet boys," Riley's voice called across the pitch.

"None yet," answered Remus as she joined them, "but we've only just begun tryouts."

"Why do you have a broomstick?" questioned Sirius seeing what she held in her hand.

"I heard you were looking for a keeper," she replied cockily.

"Really," said James his face rising along with his spirits. "You're up next then."

"Johnnsen!" called Sirius. "You're out!" A small boy, who looked as though his dreams were shattered to pieces, fluttered slowly to the ground and walked off toward the locker rooms.

"Better luck next year!" called Remus.

"Let's go," said Sirius with a smirk. "This is going to be fun."

The three of them and another sixth year boy Jeffery Laine mounted and flew into the air. Sirius felt the cool fall air rustle his hair and he could smell the excitement only Quidditch could bring. James threw him the quaffle and he tossed it to Remus.

"Ready?" James called to Riley at the far end of the pitch.

"Me?" she smirked. "I was waiting for them."

"Well go then!"

Sirius, Remus and Laine had been playing together since third year and they could read each other amazingly. Remus dropped the quaffle down to Laine without even looking at him. Laine passed quickly to Sirius who smirked widely as he approached the goal Riley defended. He quickly threw the red ball to Laine who he saw out of the corner of his eye and flew ahead closer to the goal. Laine faked a pass to Remus ahead of him, but then turned his aim at the last second toward Sirius and hurled the ball into his outstretched hands. Sirius did not hesitate at all when the ball reached him but chucked it with all the strength he could muster toward the left goal post. He watched it soar and knew he had Riley beat. He was disappointed that they hadn't found a new keeper in her but smiled as he knew he had won their friendly competition.

"Are you dreaming over there Black?" Riley grinned over at him, ball held under her arm. "That was a pitiful shot!"

She threw it back to him. "Take another one."

He caught it, still amazed that she had managed to save the last one.

"Lucky save!" he shouted as he dove forward. "Let's see you stop this one!"

He threw the quaffle even harder this time, aiming now for the right post. But like a blur of color she was there and caught it gently in her hands as if the spectacular save she had just performed was nothing.

"Impressed yet?" she laughed at the stunned look on his face.

"Not quite!" he replied. "Let's see you do it again!"

In fact she had to do it 23 more times before he finally gave up. Every shot was either caught, blocked, or kicked away by Riley leaving all those watching and waiting for their own chance to try out, impressed and slightly disappointed.

"I think we've found your keeper James," said Remus joyfully.

He was grinning from ear to ear. "Right. Okay everyone, as you can obviously see we have our keeper so you can go now! But don't forget that there are still plenty of positions left in our cheering section! See you all at the first game!" The many disappointed faces scowled up at his joy. They marched from the pitch dissatisfied and upset, brooms slung over their shoulders, but nothing could dampen James' spirit.

As the team walked from the pitch Riley ran up behind Sirius, throwing her arm around him and said, "Don't look so disappointed about being beat by a girl." He actually wasn't disappointed at all, but was pretending as to gain perhaps a little sympathy out of Riley. But obviously none came.

"Yeah," agreed Remus, "it's nothing to feel bad about. She is very good."

"Hey," he laughed in return, "you got beat by her too."

Remus laughed too as he nodded. "I know."

James was on top of the world. "This is great!" he burst out. "Lily will be thrilled!"

Riley laughed. "Yeah, she used to cry all the time when we were kids and I beat her whenever we played. Good times."

Sirius laughed. "You and Evans were weird kids."

"Yeah," Riley agreed simply.

That night all but James were gathered at the Gryffindor house table in the great hall for dinner. He had gone to tell Professor McGonagall of the completion of the house team and set up a training schedule. The others ate hungrily the vast meal displayed in front of them as the Quidditch practice had given them quite an appetite.

"Wemus, pwass da podados pwees," Sirius said with his mouth stuffed full despite the sickening look he was getting from Lily.

"You know that's gross, right Sirius," she scolded with a frown.

"Wa," he nodded and continued on.

Riley smiled slightly.

"So where's Peter?" questioned Sirius after he had swallowed his massive bit of roast beef. "Hasn't been around much lately has he?" That was very true. Peter had been seldom seen in the Gryffindor common room and even in the boys' dormitories. He had not spoken a word to Sirius, James, or Remus since Sirius had harshly told him of his lack of musical talent. And his appearance with the Slytherins was becoming less and less of a rarity. The rest of the Marauders were beginning to wonder if kicking him out of the band had done serious damage to his brain. Why on earth would he want to hang out with devious sneaky foul Slytherin gits like Snivellus?

"He's down there," said Lily pointing down the far end of the table. He was sitting among some first years, quite an uncommon place for a seventh year, and Sirius was sure the only reason he was seated there was to put as much distance as possible between himself and the rest of his ex-band mates.

"Looks like he's found himself some new friends," smiled Riley. Remus frowned slightly at her. "Sorry. Just a joke Remus." His looked lightened. He and Riley had quite made up too. He liked her a lot. She was fun and creative and just a little bit crazy, a great friend. She was a bit like a female Sirius.

"Wonder why he hasn't even tried to make it up with us yet?" wondered Remus aloud.

"Probably got a thick head on his shoulders," remarked Sirius. "Don't worry about it. He'll realize all those Slytherins are gits soon anyway."

Their conversation about Peter ended there though because then James entered the hall smiling for some reason. When he reached the table he sat down and began to pile his plate with food.

"So…" prodded Sirius. "What are you so happy about? Haven't been snogging McGonagall again have you?"

James laughed. "Nope," he replied, "but I do know when our first show is."

"Really?" said Remus as James' excitement spread.

"When?" Sirius asked.

"Halloween," James replied simply. "Dumbledore told McGonagall and she told me. He wants us to play at a kind of dance thingy. Something new they decide to have instead of just the feast. They'll be costumes and everything."

"Sounds cool," said Remus.

"Yeah," agreed Sirius. "How many songs does he want?'

"I don't know," replied James. "Didn't really say. I guess about a six song set. Maybe an encore or two."

"Sounds good," agreed Sirius nodding. "Guess we'll be premiering Alive then."

"Yeah for everyone who can't already hear it," said Lily. "I mean if you have those amps turned up any louder they will probably hear you practicing in London."

"Yeah," agreed James between mouthfuls of food, "probably."

"Halloween is on Saturday," said Remus. "We'll need to come up with a set and practice it this week."

"Yeah," agreed Riley. "Let's get started."

A.N.: So what do you think???


	5. chapter 5

A.N.: Howdie all. I decided to rewrite some of this chapter in case anyone is interested. I promise there will be new chapter soon. Sorry about the wait.

It's almost exaclty the same until you get to the end where Riley and Sirius leave the dance. Alrighty enjoy and peace out!!

**Disclaimer: Man do these things have to go on every chapter?? Anyway I own nothing because I am an untalented messy disorganized person who is trying to pass myself off as an aspiring young writer, okay? So I suck alright, do you really have to rub it in? (bursts into tears) God the world is cruel! Okay, I'm alright now.**

A.N.: Hello to all my wonderful readers. Thank you for the reviews! So here is my new chapter as promised. I like it a lot. It may be my favorite one so far. It has laughter and drama and sappiness. But anywho just read and you'll find out.

Just a quick note, you need some imagination to read this. Pretend it happens in modern time instead of in like the 70s or 80s when the Marauders were probably at school. There are some pretty wacky Halloween costumes going on in this chapter too and I am proud to say I thought of them all. Hey don't laugh, it takes effort. Anyway I will now shut up and let you get on with your reading. I'm going to eat supper now any way. It smells good!! Anyway toodles and don't forget to review!

Chapter 5

The days to Halloween were being counted down not only by the Marauders, but by every student at Hogwarts. The rumors of the dance started immediately after James had informed the rest of the band of the newly adopted event. They guessed that some nosey little first years had overheard their conversation and just happened to leak the information into the rest of the school. But however the rumors had started, by the Wednesday prior to Halloween excited conversations of the party to be held were heard in every corner of the school and the teachers could no longer restrain secret that was supposed to be a surprise. Dumbledore made the announcement, much to the pleasure of the eager students. Indeed as soon as it was a certainty that there would in fact be an Extravagant Ball and Halloween Gala, as Dumbledore had dubbed it, every girl's attention was focused solely on that who was Sirius Black and waiting ever so impatiently to find out who would accompany him to the ball. They didn't know that he had already chosen.

"Come on Siri. Tell us what you're wearing," Riley whined to her friend as they sat in the heads common room. "You know what we are all going as."

"You're so cute when you do that face," he joked, "but I still can't tell you."

Remus, James, Lily and Summer were all present too. They sat in the small circle of chairs around the fireplace and were talking yet again of the ball the next day.

"Why are you guys being so secretive?" Lily questioned James, in whose lap she sat. "You can tell us."

The three Marauder boys had let no word slip of their planned costumes for the ball. And Riley, Lily, and Summer had not managed to break them despite a weeks worth of prying and guessing. They had been trying tirelessly to inch the secret out but the boys just wouldn't tell.

"Sorry Lily. Just can't tell," James smiled sweetly back at her. She gave him a fake pout and he kissed her.

"Well how about you Remus?" Summer questioned him. "I don't suppose you're going to be nice and tell us."

"Sorry but my lips are sealed," he smiled.

Sirius and Riley smiled at each other. They could both see through the friendly act Summer and Remus were putting on. Every time they were together they seemed not to be able to keep their eyes off each other and they were constantly flirting, very politely though, whether or not they were aware of it. Also, they seemed to be doing a lot of _homework _together and Sirius and Riley often wondered why it was never done in the common room or in the presence of the rest of their friends.

"Pleeease?" Summer prodded sweetly.

"Can't," Remus said simply with a slight shrug.

"You guys suck!" Riley exclaimed and Sirius only just managed to duck before a pillow was thrown at him.

"Now, Riley do we really have to go through this whole pillow fight thing again?" he laughed throwing the same pillow back at her.

"Maybe," she replied snatching it cleanly out of the air, "if you don't tell us what you're going to dress up as."

"Well then, everybody, PILLOW FIGHT!" he shouted.

James and Remus instantly joined in and slowly and reluctantly but ultimately happily, Summer and Lily too joined the battle a few moments later. Pillows and feathers and people were flying all over the place as the friends savagely thrust the pillows at each other. And the calls of "watch out" and "I'm going to get you" rang out through the room. Chairs were thrown aside and many instruments were nearly ruined as they friends chased each other around the confined space.

Sirius and James managed to pick up Riley and carry her up to the Lily's dorm, but a few seconds after they had locked her in she came running down and tackled Sirius to the feather strewn floor. She grabbed a stray pillow from beside her and took her revenge.

"Alright, alright," he said through the playful blows to the head. "You win."

"So you're going to tell us you're secret?" she questioned with the smile that drove Sirius crazy.

"No!" he exclaimed pushing her from her seat on his stomach and stealing the pillow from her surprised hands. He managed to hit her two times before she found another pillow and began to fight back.

James, Lily, Remus and Summer were also beating the stuffing out of their pillows in hand. While James and Sirius had been capturing Riley, Lily and Summer had managed to corner Remus and were nearly beating him into telling. But thankfully James came to his rescue then and the pair fought off the girls and chased them playfully around the room. Through all the commotion they didn't notice another enter the fray.

"Potter! Evans! What is going on here?" the uptight and demanding call of Professor McGonagall sounded through the room.

"Wow, you're getting really good at that Lily," Sirius said not seeing who had just spoken. "Do you practice at night or someth-" He stopped abruptly as he came face to face with the real Professor McGonagall. "Ahh! Sorry Professor…just thought…you know…um sorry."

Riley beside him, had also stopped and was laughing slightly at the look on his face. The rest had dropped their fight and were staring at McGonagall standing angrily in the doorway.

"What is the meaning of this, Black? Evans? Potter?" She scanned each of their faces, which were evidentially trying to hide amusement and smiles. "Use of this room is a privilege and can be taken away."

"Um, sorry Professor," James spoke for everyone. "It was just a bit of fun."

"You think it is fun to destroy school property?" she questioned sharply.

"Yeah, kinda," replied Riley. Professor McGonagall gave her a very scary look and opened her mouth to continue but it was Lily who cut her off.

"We can fix it though," she spoke up. She never gotten into trouble before and now that she had she wondered why James and Sirius loved getting into so much of it with their silly pranks.

"You certainly will," McGonagall pronounced.

"Alright, then let's just clean this up quickly and get to practicing then, shall we?" Sirius said with a grin.

"Without magic," she finished with an edge of sharp authority.

"Aww, come on Professor," James pleaded. "We time to practice for the show tomorrow."

"That was why I came up here," she informed. "To see how your rehearsal was coming and it doesn't appear as if you need anymore time since you are using this valuable time to ruin the furniture."

"But-" began Sirius.

"No buts, Black," McGonagall cut him off. "I want this room clean." She left and as the door closed behind her the boys and Riley all broke out laughing.

"That wasn't funny," Lily said though she too was trying to hide a smile.

"Yeah it was," laughed Riley. "Did you see her face? God she's hilarious when she's mad."

"I thought she was going to murder you when you said that it was fun," Sirius laughed.

"Well I suppose we really should get to work cleaning this up," said Remus. "We really do need some time to practice before tomorrow."

"No problem," replied Sirius. "Scourgify." He flicked his wand and all the feathers and ruined pillowsdisappeared and with another flick all knocked over chairs and furniture was returned to their prior state of neatness. "And we're done. Let's practice."

The next day the Gryffindor common room was in utter chaos. It was worse than a wedding when someone forgets the ring and a fanatic bride would have been calmer than all the girls running around. Everyone was calling for make-up or their dress or shoes or some other object important for their costume. It was like witnessing a parade with everyone dressed in brightly colored costumes running back and forth across the room. Riley was glad she was ready.

She was relaxed on one of the couches in the common room watching the hysterical Gryffindors scurry about. She herself was wearing a retro 80s costume complete with neon jelly bracelets, many beaded necklaces, leg warmers, gaudy shoes, and a ripped short blue jean skirt over a pair of hot pink spandex pants. Her baggy blue t-shirt had been ripped and safety pinned back together and held the slogan _punk is not a crime_. It was slung off one of her shoulders and she wore a white tank top beneath. Her hair felt horribly crunchy as she had used a massive amount of hairspray to give it the classic 80s look of being ten times its original volume and she had pulled it naturally into a side pony tail. Huge plastic electric blue hoop earrings dangled from her ears and placed atop her head was a matching thick headband. As she had surveyed herself in the mirror before going down to the common room she thought that she had indeed captured the essence of the 80s very well.

She had seen no sign of Remus, James, or Sirius since she had arrived in the common room and no one else had seen them either. So she waited for the rest of her friends to get ready. For once she was the first one ready and that didn't happen a lot.

She carelessly watched a pair of fifth year girls talking animatedly in the corner. One was dressed up as what Riley supposed was a fairy and the other was unmistakably a princess or damsel in distress. The sole element to each of their costumes seemed to be the large amount of make-up applied on both their faces. As they talked they kept throwing eager glances toward the boys' staircase as if waiting for someone.

"Do you know if Sirius Black asked anyone to the ball yet?" the fairy asked her friend enthusiastically.

"No," the princess replied. "Some people are saying new seventh year girl. The one he's always hanging out with. The pretty one with the cool clothes."

"Oh." the first girl looked disappointed at this news but Riley smiled. She and Sirius were indeed going together but most definitely as nothing more than friends. There had been many rumors about them dating and she noticed that since they had started she had gotten many angry and jealous looks from girls she had never spoken to before. But she didn't care. Sirius was her friend and that was that.

Lily and Summer came down from the girls' dormitories. Lily was dressed for the 50s in a long pleated pink poodle skirt and a white chemise top with a matching pink scarf tied neatly around her neck. Her hair was tied neatly with another band of pink fabric and she wore old fashioned black high heal shoes. Summer on the other hand appeared to have changed her costume at the last minute. Her dark curly hair was pulled back in a tight bun and she wore a pointed witch's hat and a stern look on her face. Her usual Hogwarts robes were replaced with plain black ones which were very neat and orderly. Also she bore a pair of fake glasses that match professor McGonagall's exactly.

"You look great Lily," Riley greeted her cousin. "Wow, Summer. I totally thought you were going Hawaiian, but this is so rockin. You look more McGonagallish than McGonagall does."

Summer smiled. "Thanks. Have you seen Remus or the others yet?"

"Nope," she replied. "Still no sign of them. They're probably planning some big entrance or prank or something. Don't worry about it they'll be downstairs soon anyway. If you guys want you can come down with me now. I have to go set up our stuff and make sure everything is ready for the show."

"Yeah, we'll come," replied Lily.

"Okay. Let's go," Riley said and led the way out of the common room.

In the great hall they found that the long house tables had disappeared and instead there were many small round ones around one large table creaking under the weight of a massive amount of food. Teachers were rushing about putting up last minute decorations and making sure all the food and drinks were ready. The hall had been decorated in orange and black and the usual decorations of enormous jack-o-lanterns and hundreds of bats flying overhead. Along the right wall, where the Gryffindor table would usually sit, there was a large stage jutting out of the wall. All of the Marauders instruments and equipment was heaped messily upon the stage and had not the slightest sign that anyone had tried to set it up yet.

"Damn," Riley said when she saw this, "James said he was going to start setting up this afternoon but the idiot just left everything here for me to do."

Lily went slightly red. "Sorry about that. It wasn't entirely his fault I suppose."

"What were you two up to?" Riley questioned exasperatedly. "Never mind I don't really want to know. But now you guys can help me set up then."

She began to delegate tasks among them and took the instruments out of their cases. She set everything in its proper stand and then began running cords from each instrument to a vast assortment of amps, distortion petals, and jacks. By the time she was done Lily and Summer were utterly confused by the criss crossing checker board of wires and had absolutely no idea which cord went where or how Riley knew where everything was supposed to go. She then set up James' drum kit and then her own and Sirius' microphones, running even more wires from each mic to an amp. Last she had Lily and Summer, who had other wise been quite useless and confused, go around and tape down all the cords so no one would trip on them while she made sure all the guitars were tuned properly and plugged in to the right amps.

As they finished the first people began to arrive. There was an immense array of different and creative costumes. Most people were dressed up as usual things such as pirates or ghosts or cheerleaders but some had taken a much more creative road. One boy wore a large clear bag full of different colored balloons with a sign that read "Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans" and a girl was wearing a black suit with many items pinned to her such as drama masks, a directors hat, a couple of pages torn form scripts or plays and atop her head she wore a corn that said "Drama Queen". One boy was even dressed unmistakably as Dumbledore.

"Wow some people are really creative," admired Riley as they sat on the edge of the stage waiting for the rest of the Marauders to arrive.

"Yeah," agreed Lily I wish I had though of something more interesting."

"You look great Lils," said Riley.

"Yeah, but there are ten other people here who look just as great as me," she pointed out.

"There are not," Riley retorted.

"I guess we could have put more thought into our own costumes than into what Remus, James, and Sirius were wearing," smiled Summer.

"Yeah," agreed Riley, "but our costumes are still great. I don't see any other McGonagalls or people who look like they are from the 80s and seriously Lils there's only one other person dressed like you. So let's go get something to eat while we wait for the boys."

Lily and Summer nodded and they jumped down from the stage and walked toward the food table. Almost every one was assembled in the hall by then. The room was lit only by a dull orange glow from the immense jack-o-lanterns and candles floating overhead. Creepy Halloween music was playing magically through the hall and most people were standing in small groups waiting for the ball to really begin when the Marauder started to play.

The three girls filled themselves cups of dark red punch and grabbed a chocolate frog apiece before heading back to their seats on the edge of the stage. But just as they sat down there was a sudden call to silence by Jeffery Laine the Gryffindor chaser.

"Can I have you attention everyone! Can I please have your attention!" he called to the room. When everyone's gaze fell on him and the room quieted he continued in a very cheesy and game show host sort of voice, "Thank you and now I am here to introduce to you the finalists in the first ever Miss Hogwarts Beauty Competition!"

"Oh no," said Lily knowing what was about to happen.

"Would you please put your hands together for this year's contestants…The Marauderettes!"

The door to the great hall burst open and James, Sirius and Remus stalked proudly into the room to the great cheers, shouts, laughs, and thundering applause of every student at Hogwarts. All were wearing short tight dresses and were walking quite well considering the huge stiletto shoes they were attempting to wear. Each had magiced their hair into fancy up doos and their faces were applied with a considerable amount of make-up. They were waving and smiling and acting very much like beauty contestants do and gaining an even louder applause from the whole school.

As they walked passed Professor McGonagall, whose jaw had dropped almost to her shoulders, James attempted to curtsey but ended up falling flat on his face. He jumped up again, brushed his hair out of his face, and giggled cutely much to the pleasure of all the students and teachers.

"Oh my god," muttered Lily. "That's my dress."

She and Summer were both staring at the ground wishing the whole scene would evaporate into thin air. But Riley on the other hand was standing up on the stage cheering and shouting along with the rest.

"Yeah, Sirius!" she called. "You rock those heels!"

He looked over at her and winked. "Vote for me!" he called back as he followed James and Remus as they toured around the hall.

They eventually reached where the girls sat waiting. Riley jumped down from the stage and exclaimed, "That was great! You guys rock! That was the funniest thing I've ever seen!"

Remus' cheeks, though manicured with a large amount of blush, still glowed a genuine red and he looked slightly embarrassed. Riley was sure he had only agreed to pull this stunt because of the influence of Sirius and James. They on the other hand look very pleased with the results of their antics. Sirius was scanning the room joyfully and James was laughing at the look on Lily's face. He walked over to her and said, "Sorry I didn't ask about the dress Lils." She gave him a pathetic look. He laughed.

"You look great, Sirius," Riley said to him. "You really should try out for a beauty pageant. You could win. That dress is too hot."

"I know," he replied. "It's Lily's as well."

"Wow you got everything set up," observed Remus kicking the uncomfortable shoes from his feet.

"Yeah," said James. "Sorry about not helping but it takes a lot of time to get ready for a beauty pageant." He fluttered his eyelashes now much fuller due to a surprisingly good mascara job.

"I'll forgive you this time," she replied, "but only because you're so hot in that dress."

He smiled and did his girly giggle again. Lily gave him another pathetic look. He kissed her.

"So when are we supposed to play?" asked Sirius.

"Whenever you are ready," answered Dumbledore right behind him. Sirius jumped slightly as he was not expecting the headmaster to answer right into his ear. "And I applaud your hilarious prank. It was quite entertaining." He himself had swapped his wizards robes for an old bathrobe, slippers, shower cap, and hair curlers.

"Alright," said Sirius rubbing his hands together. "Let's get started."

The four Marauders waited at the side of the stage while Dumbledore introduced them to the crowd of students. All the candles had now been extinguished and the room was drenched in darkness but for the stage that was illuminated by magic spotlights. Dumbledore now stood behind Sirius' mic and spoke loudly into it. "They have already provided us with a wonderful prank but now it's time to hear some of their music. So here they are the Marauders. Or is it the Marauderettes?"

The band ran on stage and picked up their instruments. James drummed out a short beat and Sirius shouted, "What's up!" Cheers met their ears and a few confused voices also as no one but Lily and Summer knew that Riley had replaced Peter.

"Alright guys our first song tonight is new. It's called Alive," Sirius said as he picked up his acoustic guitar.

The confused faces that stared up at the band instantly disappeared as the song began. It was played, just as it had been the very first time, with perfection. Riley and Sirius' voices sounded melodically together yet still with the same rock edge that the softer song possessed. Some of the boys in the crowd were attempting to create a mosh pit to the great displeasure of the teachers and their idea was quickly stamped out. Many girls, very unlike the boys, were waving their hands back and forth slowly above their heads and mouthing the quickly picked up words to themselves. Sirius always loved the watch the audience when he was on stage. He always thought it must be more interesting to watch the people in the crown than to watch the actual band on stage.

When the song ended there was a long applause and James quieted it with a long drawn out drum roll at the end of which Remus played a short guitar solo. Another round of thunderous clapping rang out for him.

"Alright this one is a classic," said Riley into her mic. "If you don't know it where have you been for the last thirty years? This one is by the first punk band in America. The amazing and one and only…Ramones!"

She began to play the first bass run in the song driven totally by bass guitar.

"They're forming in a straight line" Sirius sang. "They're going through a tight wind…"

This song was one of the best ever written according to him. The Ramones were an amazing band and the Blitzkrieg Bop was one of their best songs. It was totally played on bass guitar and that suited him just fine as Riley was playing it amazingly well. They had adapted it so Remus played an accompanying part on guitar but this song was all Riley.

Most of the students had heard the song at one time or another but anyone from a pure blood family had no idea who the Ramones were. But by the end of the song everyone, even as Sirius was shocked to see it, Professor McGonagall, was singing along to the "Hey ho, let's go" part of the song.

They ended the song with another complicated bass run from Riley and a clash on the cymbal from James. Their fellow students cheered again and they started a new song. They played a few more covers but mostly their own songs that Sirius had written. They played for about another hour before ending the show with a song by the widely known wizarding band, the Weird Sisters.

"Thanks everybody!" Sirius shouted as the rest of the band set down their instruments and gave a last wave to the crowd. "You guys rock!" James, very conceitedly threw a drum stick into the audience, though most seemed not to mind his hotheadedness as two girls fought over the treasured item and had to be broken up by Professor McGonagall.

"That was great," said Sirius as they hopped off the stage. "Great job on Blitzkrieg Bop, Riley. I think everyone really enjoyed that song."

"Yeah we should do it more often," agreed James. "And the guitar addition sounds good too Remus."

"Yeah the show was great," Remus approved, "but I really have to get out of this dress. Now!"

James and Sirius nodded and the three boys ran from the room as well as they might in the high heels shoes. Riley laughed and Lily and Summer soon joined her.

"Great job, Riley," beamed Lily. "I'm starting to wish that I had got Uncle Jerry to teach me how to play guitar now too."

"Yes," put in Summer, "and you and Sirius sound amazing together."

"Thanks," Riley replied.

"The boys go to change?" Lily questioned.

"How did you guess?" Riley replied sarcastically.

"Well the whole time James was on stage he looked like he had a horrible wedgy and every time Remus tried to walk in those heels he looked like he was going to fall over," she chuckled slightly.

"Yeah," agreed Riley, "but the scary thing is Sirius seemed to be doing just fine. I don't even think the lips stick and panty hose bothered him."

Lily and Summer laughed slightly. The room was once again illuminated by the flickering orange light and music sounded. Now that the concert was over people were beginning to dance and eat. The table, full of every type of junk food known to wizard or muggle, was beginning to dwindle but was replenished in a flash as every plate was refilled magically with treats prepared by the servant house elves. The music that filled the air was no longer creepy and Halloweenish but fast paced dance music. The bag of Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans was a attempting to dance but he kept running into people and popping his beans.

The boys returned soon void of make-up and stilettos and instead attired in their usual clothes of t-shirts and ripped jeans.

"That was really a horrifying experience," Remus said looking much more comfortable now that he wore a pair of bleached blue jeans. "I don't think I will ever be wearing a dress again."

"Never say never," said Sirius. "You never know when you will be required to wear a formal dress. You know in the future men may be the ones wearing the dressing. I mean look at the Scottish. They already wear those kilts, but everyone knows that that is just a fancy name for a skirt. "

"Speaking of that, you seemed to enjoy the experience, Sirius," said James. "Thinking of becoming a cross dresser?"

"No thanks. I think I'll leave that pleasure to you," he replied.

"Alright," said Riley smiling at the interesting conversation. "I think that's enough of that. Does any one want to dance?"

"Sorry," replied Sirius. "I don't dance. That last time I tried I knocked a poor old lady over and she nearly broke a leg."

"Good," Riley proclaimed looking slightly relieved. "Me either. I'm terrible."

"Well you two can suit yourselves," said James. "Care to dance, Lily?" He extended his hand to her and she took it. They walked slowly into the crowd of people already dancing and began to sway to the fast paces song.

"How about you Summer?" asked Remus politely. "Want to dance?"

"Sure," she replied and they began to walk off toward James and Lily. "You guys don't know what you're missing. It's is easy to dance."

"Yeah, if you have been taking lessons since you were four," Riley muttered bitterly.

"Since she was four? Really?" asked Sirius. "I guess she would be good then. Want to get a drink?"

"Yeah," replied Riley. "Let's go."

The couple poured themselves a glass of punch each and grabbed a stack of goodies from the table hardly noticing what it was they took. The found an empty table, which wasn't really hard to come by as most people were dancing, and seated themselves. They talked cheerily for the next hour eating the candies they had obtained from the large table and often went to find more. They were joined every once and a while by their friends, red faced and taking a breather between songs but then hurrying off again as they next one began. The dancers did indeed look as if they were having fun but Riley and Sirius were quite content to sit instead of shame the room with their poor dancing abilities.

"More punch?" Sirius questioned as yet another song ended.

"Sure," Riley agreed.

They walked over to the table and poured yet another glass of the fruity red liquid. Sirius guessed they had already consumes more of the stuff than any other people in the room and was beginning to dislike the tangy taste of it.

The next song began as he took a first drink from the new glass. He watched Lily, arms wrapped tightly around James, as the slow ballad played. He wished that Riley would hold onto him like that, like he was the person she loved most in the world. Silently he made a decision then. "Riley do you just want to dance one song and get it over with? I'm sure we will never hear the end of it from them if we don't dance at least one song."

She smiled. "Yeah, I think you're right. Sure let's dance. It's a slow one anyway. Not much movement involved. You just sort of have to sway back and forth."

They both set down their glasses still full, and Sirius took Riley's hand gently and led her out in to the middle of the floor. James and Lily smiled at them, and Remus and Summer also, but everyone else in the room, especially the many girls present, seemed to be scowling and wishing it was they with the handsome Marauder. Riley slowly moved in toward Sirius and he lovingly wrapped his arms around her slender waist. She placed her own arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder.

It was pure bliss just as he imagined it. They swayed softly back and forth moving their feet a little. The sweet smell of Riley's hair filled his nose and he smiled. Her warm arms around his neck filled him with a deeply satisfying warmth and a loving security. He felt like he never wanted to let her go or indeed wanted her to let him go. He could feel her heart beating slowly in her chest and his own, he was sure, didn't match its calm beat as he could feel its heavy drumming as the pleasure of the moment washed over him. God he loved her. He wished he could tell her. He wished he would summon the confidence to say those three short words that meant so much.

He got another brief wave of the scent of her hair. He decided then. He was going to do it. No more procrastinating. He was going to tell her. Riley, I love you. It was easy enough. In fact it was too easy. Why had he ever been worried about it?

"Riley," he said and her head moved from its resting place on his shoulder and her deep eyes bored into his own. "I…I…I think you smell really good."

Damn! He chocked. And he had said the stupidest thing imaginable as well.

"Well," she said slightly confused but also amused, "I think you smell good too Sirius."

She replaced her head and he felt as if she held him tighter. The song continued as his face glowed a genuine red. James and Lily who were dancing near had caught his pitiful attempt to express his feelings for her and were laughing slightly to themselves. He scowled at them but felt his embarrassment growing.

As the last notes of the song faded Sirius asked, "Do you want to get out of here?".

"Yeah," she replied instantly. "It's kind of boring. "

He smiled and said, "Not to mention the dancing. Who really in their right mind wants to spend Halloween dancing?"

She smiled and nodded in agreement.

They walked out of the hall and into the entrance hall, the smirks of their friends following them. From the entrance hall the walked through the great oak front doors and out into the chilly October night. They saw a few other people walking across the vast grounds but the nearest were far beyond shouting distance.

They walked in a straight course talking lightly of Quidditch and homework and other things. The wintry air bit at Sirius slightly as their path took them toward the lake, but he didn't really notice petty things like the cold when he was with Riley. She, he noticed, shivered slightly, having only a skirt and t-shirt for protection against the chill. He took off his hoodie and handed it to her.

"Does this bring back any recent memories?" she questioned with a smile as she thought about their prank on Lily and James.

"Just one," he smiled. "Kind of like déjà vu, isn't it?"

She smiled and pulled the sweater tight about her. "Thanks."

He nodded.

They soon found themselves on a familiar scene. The moon, a nearly full silvery orb of light, shone across the lake and a sharp rock jutted up form the ground. There was no trace of the attack that had taken place there not quite a month ago. Sirius assumed that Riley remembered nothing of the night because she had not spoken of it to anyone. Not even Madame Pomfrey knew how she had come to be left outside the hospital ward door unconscious. Sirius guessed the shock of seeing what happened had wiped the memory from her mind.

Riley climbed up on the rock and seated herself motioning for Sirius to do the same. When he joined her she spoke. "It sure is beautiful."

Sirius glanced up at the moon. It gave off a majestic glow to the land as it had the night nearly four weeks before, but Sirius saw only a shadow of its glory because its beauty was masked by his knowledge of its great and horrible power. He knew too well the hideous power that moon had to inflict pain upon his friend.

He made no sign of agreement to her statement and she did not prod him for one.

"This is where I come to think," she continued. "To play and write."

He nodded then knowing how the darkness and splendor of the empty and soundless grounds at night, long passed the last person had fallen victim to sleep, could inspire a song.

"This was where I lost my guitar," she said and Sirius felt a sharp knot enter his stomach. Was she going somewhere with this he wondered. "But then you rescued it and gave it back. I never really did thank you. That was the first guitar I ever owned. My dad bought it for me when I was seven years old and just learning to play."

Sirius looked at her. She wore an odd look on her face, one which he could not read. She looked as if she wanted to keep speaking, as if she was letting him in on a childhood secret, a precious memory, but it looked as if she couldn't find the right words. He knew her thoughts had strayed back, back to her memories and what they held, back to what had hurt her so. She stared out over the lake, her eyes straying every once and a while to where Sirius had found her guitar broken.

She looked up at him again but when she caught his eyes she looked away. "Sirius I…" she said hardly above a whisper, but then trailed off as if she had decided to keep what she had been about to say to herself.

"What?" Sirius questioned gently.

"Nothing," she replied as the memory of the summer flooded back to her. She had been about to tell him, but something held her back. The pain perhaps, the fear? Was it just too soon to recount the things she had seen, the things she had done? She let silence fill the air and surround them as the horrible scene played over and over again in her mind.

Sirius contained his curiosity. Since he had seen that tiny crack of emotion in her eye the first day they met he had been fighting it. He had questions. Why, what, when? What had happened to Riley to infuse that bitter emotion, that fear, that pain, that sadness that he had seen that very first day? What did her past hide? But he suppressed these questions knowing that he could not force a story out of her. She would be ready to tell it someday, just like he with his own bitter story.

She did not speak for awhile. The waves lapped at the shores carrying sand away with them each time they retreated and still she did not speak. When Sirius looked up at her again he could see she was lost somewhere deep inside her own mind. Her lovely face was contorted into a bitterly fierce look as if what she saw, what she remembered, disgusted and angered her.

"The world in cruel, isn't it Sirius?" she asked suddenly.

Their eyes met, Riley's an intense hazel and Sirius' a strong yet hurting gray. Her eyes bored into his own as if scanning him. He felt the ache in her words but more so, the truth in them. The world had rarely been anything but cruel to him, unforgiving and ruthless. Riley had fared the same. There eyes held the same story, one of harshness and cold, but more so they held the same answer. The world was and would always be cruel.

He drew his eyes away now reflecting upon his own hidden tale. The silence surrounded again and was broken by another unexpected question.

"It was Remus, wasn't it?" she questioned quietly, her eyes focused not on him but the moon, a dazzling white against the dark clouds behind.

"What?" asked Sirius, his voice notably shaken.

"The werewolf?" she elaborated as if they were talking of nothing more than the weather.

"Wha-what are you talking about?" he asked uselessly knowing her memory had told her more than he guessed.

"I know Sirius," she answered her hazel eyes boring into the deep gray of his own once more. "I know what you are."

He looked at her. His voice seemed to have left him. He was exposed and there was nothing he could do.

"Padfoot," she continued, "Prongs, Wormtail, and…Moony." She slid down from the rock and walked to the edge of the water. Sirius could do nothing but watch her. "A dog, a stag, a rat, and a…werewolf."

"I saw you…you and James and Peter. I didn't know why you were sneaking out, but I guess I found out soon enough, didn't I?" As she spoke he watched her stoop to pick up a rock. She threw it far out over the dark lake and continued after a satisfying plop was heard as it dived into the water. "I never even saw him coming. I heard the howls from across the lake but I thought it was just you, scaring Peter or something. Before I knew it I was cornered. It was horrible. He had fangs and claws, and hideous eyes. His eyes were worst. Vicious and wild, animal like…but as he trapped me, I knew them. They weren't inhuman; I could see Remus behind them. I could see him fighting still even as he was snarling and gashing his teeth like some kind of beast. I could see his struggle, his pain as he fought the monster that controlled him."

She fell silent them for a long time and turned her back to Sirius. He watched her and she quivered slightly as if she had begun to cry soundless tears, but when she spoke again, there was no quaver in her voice, and when she looked again on him, there was no tear in her eye. "Why? Why did you do it Sirius? I saw what he did…he nearly killed you. But you still came to me, you still saved me…why?"

He looked at her. She looked fierce and cold, distant yet so near and strong. She looked independent and intense as if all the years of her life had trained her and molded her into a warrior, avid and harsh. She looked passionate and intimate and ardent all in one look. But in a blink all of that was gone and she looked frail and delicate and scared, not strong at all. And Sirius looked at her, he fell in love with her all over again.

He too slid down from the rock and walked to her side at the water's edge. Taking both of her hands tightly in his own he looked deeply into her eyes and saw both fear and boldness. "I did it, Riley, because I love you."

She looked back at him, taking in the words he spoke as if one at a time. She let herself be pulled into his warm embrace at first at unawares and then with desire. He held her closely, closer than he had held any other. Her head rested on his shoulder. Though the cold night still stirred around them they alone stood unaware, unaware of the howling wind or the biting cold or the lapping water freezing their feet and legs where they stood. Warmth spread through them, the warmth of love, for she too loved him. All was made clear in that moment. They felt connected, fused as one, bonded, united, but still they wanted to be closer.

Their heads moved, as if in unison, inching toward their craved goal. It felt a year and longer before their lips finally met and as they converged a wave of burning passion was released like a bomb. Sirius was hardly aware of anything but the warm moist lips that touched his and the quick slip of a tongue every few seconds. His hands he thought were in her hair but he was never sure. Perhaps they were on her waist, slender and desirable or some other desired part of her body that he did not remember. His head was clouded with so many things. Joy, relief, longing, and love. Mostly love for he knew then that she loved him too.

Quite suddenly though, he was aware of something else. Her hands were placed firmly upon his chest pressing slightly against him. He had felt them make their way intimately up his body, caressing as they went, but now there was a force behind them as if she was trying to suppress him. Unexpectedly she shoved him away with a force that broke their bond. Sirius backed away, breathing slightly heavily, confusion and hurtful rejection taking over his previously blissful mind.

He looked at her. It almost hurt to do so. She had rejected him, she of all girls, the one he loved, the only one he had ever loved. But as he scanned her face and saw the early traces of tears his heart softened. He saw the love in her eyes and also a deep hurt. He went to her and wrapped her once more in his arms and held her once more with the love that he was sure was present in both. He didn't know why she had pushed him away, just like he didn't know many things she kept secret and deep, but he knew love and he could feel it pulsing in her as they stood in tender embrace.

"It's okay,' he whispered softly in her ear feeling her warm breath on his face.

"No," she replied, "it's not." She paused before continuing. "I love you Sirius. I love you so much. But I can't…I-I just can't."

"Can't what?" he asked gently.

"I can't, hurt you," she replied her tears running onto his soothing shoulder.

He puller her head up again so he could look into her eyes. "You could never hurt me," he said. "I love you, Riley." Passion and desire overcame them once more and their lips met again, gently caressing, each letting their deep love serge through the other. But once again a familiar force separated the tender union of lips and Sirius felt himself being pushed away.

He saw a slight severity now etched on her face but an even more fierce hurt. Tears still stained her cheeks and ran from her eyes that were aching with the refusal of his love and longing for his kiss. "I said no," she said harshly. "You don't understand. I will hurt you. I can't help it. And I love you too much to see you hurt or killed. I can't love you. I can't love anybody."

Then she did perhaps one of the hardest things of her life. She turned away from him, away from his love, the same love that she felt consuming her heart and gripping her mind, and she walked away, across the grounds and back toward the castle. She uttered no word after that and didn't look back, even when Sirius called, "Wait! What are you talking about? Why?" He fell to the ground confused and pained, wishing only for an explanation. But none came.


	6. chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Argh! Do I really have to say this again? I don't own it, none of it, well except Riley and now Mackenzie and Summer. If you really think that I do own the Harry Potter series then where have you been for the last ten years? J.K. Rowling owns them. Duh! Geeze I thought everybody knew that. **

A.N.: Hey everybody. Whew that took a long time. I rewrote it because the first version really really really sucked. Not kidding, it was terrible. Anyway I made some changes to how I originally saw this chapter in my head but I really like it now. It's kind of an angsty chapter so read with caution. But anyway sorry about the long wait. Been really busy lately. But now its Christmas vacation so I should have a lot more time to write. Well I guess that is if I finish reading To Kill A Mocking Bird before Christmas. Can you believe that my English teacher is making us read that entire book over Christmas vacation?? Man talk about scrooge and a half! That book has about a billion chapters and it is soooooo boring! It might just drive me crazy. lol. Well anyway sorry about the ranting and here's the chapter. Enjoy and please review. I haven't got one I a while and I really really want one. Peace out.

Chapter 6

Sirius sat for a long time under the cursed moon, confusion washing over him like the waves of the lake crashing upon its shores. He didn't understand it. How could he? What the hell had she been talking about? How could she hurt him? How could she kill him, for God's sake? He couldn't answer any of the thousands of questions rushing through his mind. It gave him a head ache just replaying the scene over and over again let alone trying to find a plausible answer to the complicated new questions he had about her. He felt like he didn't really know her even after the countless of stories they had shared of their childhoods and families. But Sirius knew that those stories told of his youth had concealed much more than they told and he feared Riley's stories did the same.

Why did she fear love, or was that even what she feared? Like all the other questions swarming in his head like a group of bees in a frenzy, Sirius could not answer this, but it stood out to him. Like a rogue flower, stained with the red color of death, in a field where all its brothers remained the content color of jovial pink, this question caught his attention. What was she really afraid of? How could he ever know? Her past, darker than his own, was a daily haunting and he had no idea why. What fear did her days long past hold?

Then a sudden new thought conjured in his head. She was not alone in her fear, her dark past, her hurt. She was not alone in facing the cruelty of the world. So why then did she let that shadow of past days linger and manipulate her so? Had her life really been worse than his own, which gripped pain and tears and torture and an ever burning but unreachable desire to better himself and become accepted in the eyes of a cruel people? He didn't know, but he did know that he bore the scars of a brutal past, but that was all they were, scars of a past life, something to be forgotten and never looked upon again. But she still bore her wounds fresh for she gave them no chance to heal. She bore the wounds too proudly and let her days that should be forgotten consume her future and desires. Why was she entitled to such a cause? To draw sympathy for herself from those who could not see through her guise? To draw pity and compassion from fools?

He found a comforting anger in these thoughts. It seemed to ease his ache and confusion to be angry at someone, anyone, Riley. He wanted to be angry, to shout and to kick and to punch something with all the strength he could muster. But he encaged these desires with another thought, the truth. He couldn't be angry at her. He knew her and her fate far to well to be bitter. He had suffered, but he deemed that she had seen a far greater glimpse of the malice of the cold earth than he had ever had to endure. She feared something, that he knew, but he guessed she knew something as well, something he didn't know, something she didn't intend on letting slip. She chose to face her fear alone and independently, as her father had before her. But his mistakes had cost him his life, would hers do the same?

Sirius didn't know this about her father. Riley never spoke about him, or her mother. What little he knew about her family was what she had told tell of upon their first introduction. Her parents were dead and only she and her sister remained. Mackenzie remained. He had told long tales of her as Riley loved her dearly. More dearly than any other did she love and care for her younger sister. Mackenzie had only seen eight very short years of the world's harshness. Sirius guessed that though she may not have been spared the cruel fate dealt to both her and Riley, she seemed to have endured it diligently or perhaps only naively. Her appearance shone vividly in his head. Her golden hair and deeply beautiful blue eyes, so unlike her sister's, and the mischievous yet innocent smile that was ever etched on her face. He had seen the many pictures Riley kept of her and had read some of the many letters that connected the pair thought hundreds of miles lay between them. He knew that if anything happened to this dear child, the wounds Riley bore would be likely to tear open again and never see the day that healing would come upon her.

He finally stood, dazed, confused, wondering the feelings of Riley and hoping they would find a way to rekindle their friendship. He stooped, not minding the cold Halloween night chill despite not having any protection against it, and picked up a smooth rock nestled in the shallow sand. He ran his hands over its flat faces and with a last look up at the moon shining haughtily overhead he cast the rock into the immeasurable depths of the lake for the water to consume. He turned toward the castle and made for his unmade and unfriendly bed and he knew he would sleep little that night.

Remus woke the next morning to see Sirius sprawled messily in his bed. His blankets had been kicked to the floor and a single red sheet was wrapped about him. Remus smiled as he caught the slight appearance of dark bags under his friend's eye. He guessed Sirius and Riley had had a late night after leaving the dance early. He, Summer, James and Lily had known for a long time that the pair had been falling for each other, even since the moment they had first met. Remus guessed that the secret they kept only from each other had come out the night before and the couple had enjoyed a round of playful snogging or such things. He smiled to himself as he dressed and went down to breakfast. He decided not to wake Sirius as he was sure they would hear all about the fun had the night before soon enough.

So Sirius woke alone. Thought the sun, unusually bright for the time of year, flowed into the room and gave off a cheery warm glow, Sirius felt oddly cold. He pulled the sheet wound tightly about his waist up over his exposed chest in an attempt to find warmth from the cool chill that lingered in an uncertain place. His night had been spent in a sleepless sequence of pacing, a slight habit of his while thinking, and wondering the events passed and the many questions that had not leaked out of his mind through the course of the night. The cycle though had been broken by heated debates in his mind about whether to go in search of Riley. He found himself many times heading for the door and stopping only when his hand reached the knob and his mind reached the decision not to go to her yet. He wanted desperately to talk to her and apologize and perhaps get and explanation. The latter he guessed would not be a reality but just to be able to know that their friendship was not lost would be a great comfort to his heart which had gotten its first taste of what he suspected was heart break. As morning and the light with it approached, sleep finally took its hold on him and he fell into a restless slumber and tossed until long passed the time Remus awoke.

He dressed quickly and headed down the twisting stairway into the nearly empty common room in an attempt to escape both the solidity of the dormitory and the words of Riley echoing in his head. The large clock on the opposite wall told him that it was nearing noon and he figured that the school would be gathering for the second meal of the day in the great hall shortly. So he left the Gryffindor tower by means of the concealed portrait hole and walked slowly through the many hallways not really heeding his feet and trusting them to lead him.

When he pulled himself from his thoughts he saw another figure looking as though she wasn't paying a great deal of attention to where she was walking either. In fact it looked as though she was going to walk into the wall opposite her. Despite the occurrences a few hours prior Sirius smiled slightly as he watched Riley ahead of him miss the corner and walk straight into the wall ahead. She muttered something about damn walls and watching where they are going before she realized there was another present.

When she turned around their eyes met for a brief moment. Sirius would have sworn he saw a slight smile cross her face quicker than a flash of lighting but when he blinked it was gone. He knew he had seen something though and he was sure that if she had not actually been smiling then there must have been something in her eyes that told that she was not angry but sort of pleased to see him. That gave Sirius a slight mounting confidence and he grinned at her.

"You didn't just see that did you?" she asked with a slight groan which he was quite sure was fake.

"Yeah," he replied walking over and helping her to her feet. "Very graceful."

"Thanks. I know," she replied.

Sirius was surprised at how normal things seemed. He would have guessed that she would be angry at him but she seemed to be acting as if nothing had happened at all. Sirius couldn't really tell if he was happy about this or upset. They were friends again but did he really want to be just friends? And how could she just shrug off what happened like it was nothing? Hadn't they both confessed that they were more than just friends or wanted to be? And now it was as if they were pretending nothing had happened. He didn't push the subject thought. He guessed there would be time enough later to discuss the happenings of the night before. He was contented to know that they were still speaking to each other.

"Going down to lunch?" he questioned. Things still seemed slightly tense and Sirius was sure they were talking much politer than they would have normally been.

"Yeah," she replied. "I'm starving."

"Me too," Sirius said his appetite, which wasn't all that great before, growing. "Let's hope James hasn't got to the table yet. There won't be much left if he has."

"Yeah," she agreed as they descended the stairs one floor above the great hall.

A stiff silence followed that and Sirius and Riley walked passed the Charms class room uncomfortably. It was so weird to be with Riley and not be joking around or laughing stupidly at something. He wished then that the night before had never happened because he realized that things wouldn't go back to the way they were. If every time they were together it would be silent and tense he wished that he had never told her he loved her because loving someone and not being able to love them openly is worse than not loving them at all.

As the marble stairs that led into the entrance hall were disappearing behind them Sirius decided to break the stifling silence. "Riley, last night-"

"I know, I was stupid," she replied cutting him off.

"No," he protested, "I meant me. I'm sorry. But I was confused, I am confused. I have no idea what you meant at all last night. But I'm sorry."

"For what?" she questioned. "You shouldn't be sorry. It was my fault. I know you're confused, but so am I. I can't really explain right now. I just really can't commit myself to you Sirius when I'm so uncertain about my own future. I told you I don't want you to get hurt. I told you I love you and I do more than you know. Isn't that good enough?"

"Good enough?" he retorted loudly. What she said did not give him any sort of an explanation but fueled his confusion. How could she ask if it was good enough for her to love him without being committed and openly sharing their love? "How could it be good enough? I love you Riley. Don't you understand that? That means I want to be with you and hold your hand and kiss you and whisper things in your ear. Is that not good enough for you? Do you know how long I have loved you and wanted to tell you? Do you really know what love is because I love you Riley and if you don't love me then…"

They had stopped in their descending and stood ten steps from the bottom where the few scattered student that had not yet gone to lunch stood and stared opened mouth at the couple towering over them. Riley herself gazed at Sirius opened mouthed. Her eyes held hurt but on her face was etched anger. He could see his words had hurt her and he almost instantly regretted them.

"Look you don't know." Her voice echoed the anger and fierceness that his shouts had accomplished but she spoke hardly above a whisper. Also present in her soft tone though was a sorrowful note of pain mingled with regret. "You can't know. Do you think you have suffered? Well you have to live in my shoes to see what hell really is. I said no because I love you too much Sirius. I don't want to see you hurt. I have seen too many people I love hurt. You think you know what love is? Well you can't know what love is until it has been taken away. You have never lost anybody you love. You can't know what it is like to be alone and hopeless and heartbroken. So don't tell me what love is because I know all too well the hurt hidden beneath love."

Sirius scanned her expression which did not waver but remained strongly intact and ever fierce upon her face. His own expression had fallen into a look of regret and apology. He knew that she had a reason and even if he didn't know it he knew of its validity. Ignoring the staring faces of those below he uttered his apology sincerely in an attempt to save their dying friendship and chance at the love which his heart longed for. "Riley I really don't know what happened to you? I'm really sorry, but why can't you tell me. Maybe I could help. What is going on?"

She shook her head. "No. You can't help. I need to face this alone." Her cold voice had subsided and she looked straight into his eyes as if trying desperately to show his the seriousness of her words. "I didn't lie Sirius. I do love you. But you can't help, no one can. No one knows. But I promise that when this is done I can be with you, but I don't know what that will be. I promise I love you."

"When what is done?" he asked desperately trying to know what it was that kept them apart.

She shook her head. "You can't know. You can't help Sirius. Stop trying to play the hero. Just promise me what I promised you."

"What?" he asked softly not really noticing that he took her hand in his own.

"That you love me too. And not just love me but really and truly love me with all of your heart," she replied already knowing his answer.

"You know I love you Riley, really truly with all of my heart and mind and strength. But why can't we be together then?"

"Not now but someday."

"I know," he replied trying to make himself contented with this promise from her. A long silence followed theses words before he spoke again. All eyes in the hall were turned up toward the emotional scene taking place above them. Sirius did not heed these curious faces though and spoke again not understanding any of what Riley had told him but also not wanting to lose her forever. "But we can still be friends right?"

She smiled then and not just any smile but the same sort of cocky and playful smile she had worn before any of this had ever happened. "Wouldn't have it any other way."

He smiled in return. "Shall we go to lunch then?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I think if we wait much longer then we might find that James has eaten everything."

Then looking down at the audience they had attracted, they linked arms and walked happily but slightly jokingly down the stairs and passed the stunned faces into the great hall. As they walked passed Jeffery Laine he smiled widely and said, "Lovely performance, very dramatic. A bit like a soap opera wasn't it?"

"Sure Laine," Sirius replied and they continued on their way as he smiled after them.

When they reached their usual seats at the Gryffindor table they saw that their joking fears of James were not true as he was no where to be seen. In fact only Remus and Summer were present and both wore forlorn and foreboding looks. Riley and Sirius' faces fell as they reached their somber friends sitting alone in silence as the room around them was full of the cheer and talk that they lacked.

"What's wrong?" questioned Sirius concernedly. "Has something happened?"

"Yeah," agreed Riley. "Where's Lily and James?"

Remus looked at Summer beside him who did not give him a comforting look as there was no comfort in the news they were about to give. He slowly as if procrastinating pulled a letter from his pocket and held it in his hand for a long time before making his mind up.

"This came with the post this morning," he elaborated on the envelop that he held purposely so they could not read the name. "Lily received one too and she is with James. They are from her mother. Something has happened." As he spoke it looked as if with each word there was a sharp stab of remorse jabbed into his kind heart but he continued diligently knowing painfully what would happen once Riley had read the horrendous words enclosed inside the envelope.

He reluctantly held it out to her and she nervously grabbed it. Sirius watched her read the name scribbled on the front in what would have been neat writing but seemed to be scrawled down quickly and with a slightly shaking hand. She slowly ripped it open and unfolded it even slower.

Sirius helplessly watched her eyes scroll back and forth across the page. With each new word her eyes seemed to widen farther and farther until being unable to stretch any more were satisfied to form tears in the corners. Riley hands also began to show the expected signs of deeply painful grief. They gripped the parchment tightly in leaving short gashes where her nails made contact and as the words she read began to penetrate her grieved brain they shook violently and the unfinished letter fell from her hands. She did not stoop to retrieve it but stared placidly at the wall opposite her at unawares to what was going on, where she was, or anything but the excruciating throbbing that was settling in her heart.

Sirius disturbed by her reaction and the somber affect that the single letter had caused on all his friends, quickly recovered the crumpled note from the floor and read for himself the terrible news it used to render its readers helpless and miserable. His own eyes quickly scanning the page only caught few of the words strung together to form a story that could tame even the cruelest heart.

_It will be alright…don't do anything rash…arrangements…funeral…she was happy…quick and painless…dead, all dead…Mackenzie._

On the last word his heart froze. She was dead. Mackenzie, the dear child loved most by her sister, was dead. He too dropped the letter being more grieved than he had ever been before. Riley had been right about him. He had never seen any he loved die. Though he may not have been spared of cruelty he had been spared of pain of death. But she, she had had to endure it twice, more times than any should have to endure such pain. And as she stood Sirius knew that the grief that had settled in his heart from the shock of this news did not compare to that which had taken over the girl's that he loved so.

Riley shook now uncontrollably. Her eyes were fighting her mind and the tears that had formed where being restrained by all the strength she could muster. They looked forlorn and hopeless as they stared at unawares past the wondering eyes that watched her abrupt change in composure. Her voice had been lost some where deep in her throat and she could not speak at all. Sirius was sure that if she had been able to summon it, it would be screaming a note that would bring pain and sorrow to all present in the hall. Sirius watched her feeling just as helpless as she looked and knowing he could bring no comfort to her in her ultimate pain. He watched her face grow pale, her lost eyes blinking obliviously, and finally those same bleak eyes, falter and leak a single tear that held more sadness than anyone could deem.

Remus and Summer too sat unable to bring consol to their heartbroken friend and Sirius not knowing what else to do, but wanting desperately to do something, wrapped his strong arms lovingly around her. At first she didn't seem to notice but then seeing his comforting and caring face she settled into his shoulder and let the long held tears stream slowly down her face and onto it as she did the night before. As he held her, he noticed that her breathing was heavy and deep and her heart beat fast and painfully. She shook violently and he held her tighter in an attempt to control her body which she seemed to have lost rule of. He whispered comforting words in her ear but he was unsure if she heard or not and knew they would bring no comfort. He stroked her head and let her pain fill his own body. It was like a wave crashing upon the rocks with a force that could bring them crashing down into the depths of the dark lashing water where they would be engulfed and not seen again. It was unbearable and agonizing and Sirius could not imagine how the harshness of this death was eating Riley away from her heart outward.

Finally becoming aware of the room around them, he noticed the numerous pairs of eyes that watched them closely. Prying and curious and gossipy eyes gawked stupidly at the pair not heeding or caring about the horrendous tragedy that had just befallen them. A slight anger filled Sirius at the sight of so many compassionless people. Girls jealously looked up at him with lustful longing to be in the place of Riley not knowing the cold touch of pain and death that consumed her. Haughty boys gazed at he pair and at the jealous faces of the girls and being filled with a deep and ignorant envy not knowing anything that had taken place. Sirius was disgusted at the eyes that stared up at him. Not one person in the room truly knew what pain was but they could sit arrogantly and judge him and Riley without having even a tiny shard of knowledge about either of those who they evaluated. He looked around appalled at the sight and decided then to leave to room and their fellow students to their vicious gossip and rumors.

He gently took Riley's hands in his own and led her toward the door. He gave Remus and Summer a quick nod and they returned it understandingly. Slowly they walked down the isle of inquiring faces, ignoring them all and returned through the great door into the entrance hall. It was deserted and Sirius took Riley to the bottom stair of the great marble case and helped her to sit gently. He took her once more in her arms and began to rock her tenderly.

They sat for a forever immeasurable frame of time. Neither could ever remember how long it was as both were so consumed by their own thoughts. Sirius' dwelt on Riley while hers focused sole on Mackenzie. However both of their minds were filled with sorrow and distress.

As Sirius rocked Riley with a gentle unchanging movement he wondered the affect of this tragedy on her and her life. She was already so marred by her past of harshness and mercilessness and he was sure that this death would upset her deeply if not deepest. Could she ever return to normal, he wondered. Could she ever be given the chance to just be free of rule, free of despair, free of pain, free to be herself and uncontrolled by fate? As he wondered this though, he noticed her body becoming tense and rigid. Her tears too he noticed seemed to have subdued and dried themselves.

The thoughts running uncontrollably inside her head began to change. Though they did not stop with the painful memories, another thought became more prominent. Her mind began to become clouded with grief and loss of rationality and she could only think of one thing to do. She wanted to run. She needed to run. She could no longer sit and be held and consoled. She needed to be free to do what she had to. She needed to run out of the reach of Sirius, out of the confining doors, out on to the dying grass and cool air, where ever she pleased. Perhaps even she needed to run into the icy waters of the lake and sink forevermore to the bottom never to be seen again and never to have to feel the pain of life again.

She pushed out of the imprisoning grip of Sirius much to his surprise and alarm. He watched her jump to her feet before he could react and race across the vast hall. She pulled open the heavy doors as if it were an effortless feat and ran through them hair flowing behind.

For a few moments he could do nothing. He watched her back as she thudded down the stairs and out over the immense grounds. She ran smoothly and easily as if with each step she became free of a life of imprisonment. Sirius naively watched her, not deducing or knowing what she was about to do. He was confused and grieved and his mind was working slow, almost too slow, for he almost did not realize in time what harm she intended herself.

It came suddenly to him as he remembered the words of the letter. _Don't do anything rash. _Her train of thought became quickly all too apparent to him as he jumped to his feet and began to run with as much speed as he could muster. He saw ahead of him Riley nearing the shores of the lake too quickly as he ran. He was fast but so too was she. "Damn it!" he cursed loudly as the ground disappeared behind him. "What are you doing Riley?" The only thought now on his mind was getting to her and stopping her before she did the stupidest thing of her life. If he did not reach her in time she would be killing not only herself but him as well.

The shores were now near but with her lead Riley was already wadding into the deepening cold water.

"Stop!" he screamed frantically. "Don't do it!"

He had never been so desperate in all his life. He had never been faced with anything like this in al his life. He never wanted more than anything to hold Riley safe in his arms where she could be comforted and not want to cast herself into the infinite depths of the black lake and join those who had already left the merciless earth.

A new strength formed in him, not unlike that which had propelled him on a night one month prior where he had succeeded once already in saving her life. He found within a new strength and it drove him to hasten and race faster than ever had he deemed possible. He put on a new burst of speed and before he could adjust to it he was crashing distraughtly through the chilling water to the girl he loved with all his heart and mind and strength, who was already waist deep in the black waters.

"No!" he cried as he grabbed her hands. "No don't do it!"

He was nearly hysterical and panicked as he held her back, but his mind was clear enough to know what it had to do. Tears which had not stained his face since the days he hardly remembered, days of his youth and beating and pain, ran reluctantly and worriedly down his unnerved and desperate face.

"Oh God Riley, please don't do it." He spoke sadly not commandingly but held her back with all that he could muster. Neither noticed the icy chill lapping at their legs and freezing their bodies.

She stopped momentarily in her drive and turned to look at him. Her face was distressed but determined, pained but set in its decision. As Sirius looked into her eyes he could hardly keep from turning away as they were filled with so powerful an emotion. They were so sorrowful it was unbearable and it hurt him to look. Then like a spasm of fear and will to be free of imprisonment her face changed. It became hard and cold and she struggled hard against his tight grip. She cried out suddenly trying to pull her arms free.

"Let me go!" she screamed and her call echoed eerily through the empty grounds. "Let me go to Mackenzie!"

She struggled more and with each passing second her strength seemed to mount while his seemed to fail. He doubted whether he could hold her much longer.

"I have to!" she cried. "I have to go to her!"

She wretched one hand free of his fading grip and fought him off with a new triumph.

"You can't go to her," Sirius gasped desperately hanging on to her. "She's gone Riley."

"No!" she shouted in retaliation. "She needs me!"

"You can't bring her back," he said with more fear still. "She's gone Riley, she's gone… she's dead."

At the last word the battle stopped. Riley's strength waned like the moon as morning's light approached and she let her arm go limp in Sirius' grip. She let herself be captured by him once more and cried heartily into his shoulder again. She sobbed piercingly and let the complete grief of her heart run out into the suddenly sunless day about them.

"She was too young," she wept. "She can't be dead."

Sirius stroked her head and made a comforting shh in her ear. "I know it hurts but she's gone."

Riley then lifted her head and he saw her eyes once more full of rage and angst. She ripped her hands from around his neck and began to beat them heavily down upon his chest. "She is not!" she screamed once more. "She's not dead!" Each blow landed heavily and throbbed as she drummed loudly, but Sirius cared not. All that consumed his thoughts at the moment was the fact that she was still alive and safe. She continued steadily for a few moments before falling victim to her tears again. She fell uncontrollably to her knees but Sirius caught her gently. As tears streaked her face again he slowly helped her out of the freezing lake and they both settled onto the equally freezing shores.

He took off his damp sweater and wrapped it about her shoulders. He was sure it did little to stifle her chill but helped against the cool wind. He held her tightly again, wishing some sort of comfort, any sort, upon her. Neither spoke but the tears falling down Riley's face and clinging to her long eyelashes was talk enough. As they sat in somber silence they did not hear another approach their scene, but Dumbledore had his own ways of achieving stealth.

He did not speak instantly but watched them where they sat, head resting neatly upon his hands, half moon spectacles slightly cocked upon his very crocked nose. He smiled gently and sympathetically as he watched them. Love was deeply woven about them. Even he, as an old and weathered man, could tell, but there was a great force preventing it. Sirius may not have been able to see it, but he Dumbledore knew too well what had befallen Riley that very summer. In fact it had been on his command that she be instantly transferred to Hogwarts. He knew that even she did not know the danger that she was in.

As he watched his heart was filled with remorse at her loss, the sympathy which she needed and the empathy which she desired. He knew that fate had been cruel to her but he knew too that she didn't believe in petty fate. He loved Riley more than she could know as he had loved her father before her. He took it upon himself to see to her protection now that her father was gone, and only he knew how much she needed the protection he gave her.

He finally spoke, or rather cleared his throat loudly breaking the heavy silence that lay about the grounds. Riley jumped slightly in Sirius' grasp as she saw the newcomer seated silently upon a rock. Both stared up in a slight daze at the headmaster awaiting him to break the silence once more and wondering if even he, who was great among the greatest wizards, could bring any comfort or relief to this black cold day.

"First I must say how very sorry I am to hear of your loss, Riley," he said looking directly into her pained eyes. Sirius noticed that his eyes too seemed to hold a great grief in their deep wisdom.

Riley did not reply to this statement but Sirius got a feel as though now that Dumbledore had spoken the words of Mackenzie's death, the cold truth really settled in Riley's heart and mind and she finally believed that her sister was gone forever from the unforgiving earth.

"I know, perhaps more than most others, the bond you shared with her and the pain that would come along with the severing of that bond," he continued as neither of his listeners spoke. "She was too young and innocent to be taken from life but perhaps it was best as I fear that her days were filled with as much fright and pain as your own."

He stood and walked over to the couple seated on the ground. As he towered over them Sirius felt the ever recently common confusion drifting over him again. Dumbledore seemed to know something. He seemed to know a lot more about Riley and Mackenzie and their parents then he was letting on. Did he know what horrors were concealed n her past? Did he know why she refused the love that she swore she held? Did he know why she suffered?

The headmaster knelt and took Riley's silent face in his hands. As he spoke again he spoke directly to her as if they were the only two present, as if they had know each other much longer than two months and shared a connection much closer than headmaster and student. "She is gone Riley. I know it hurts, but she has gone on just as your father has. They are together now and can wander the paths of whatever death holds reunited and free. Do not do anything foolish and senseless over her death, your life is much too valuable to throw away in a reckless decision. There are others still who need you and love you. Don't forget about them. Don't throw aside love and friendship for they are two things in life more important than anything else."

He then straightened and stood again. He seemed more composed and returned again to being headmaster. But as he looked down at them the understanding and grief in his eyes and face did not disappear. "Tomorrow morning at 9:00 the Hogwarts Express leaves from Hogsmaede station. You and Lily have been excused from all of your classes and duties for however long you need. The funeral has been arranged by your aunt and uncle and will take place Tuesday afternoon if that is not too soon. I personally have made sure that you need not worry about anything in your grief. Please know how very sorry I am for this painful loss, how very dearly sorry I am."

He took a last sorrowful glance at Riley still wrapped miserably but tenderly in Sirius' arms, and without another word he turned and walked back across the grass toward the school.

Sirius watched his back growing smaller and his long deeply purple robes skim across the ground behind him. Suddenly he knew what he had to do. Looking at Riley quickly he let her go from his grip and climbed to his feet. He did not truly know how much damage the cold of the lake had done but soon realized its harm as he began to run after the head master. He shivered violently and his legs wobbled as he ran and he became suddenly aware of the chill that had spread through his body. But he ignored it as he ran after the Dumbledore calling out in attempt to halt the old wizard.

"Professor Dumbledore," he said slightly out of breath as he reached the head master. "I'm going too. She shouldn't go alone. I have to go with her."

Dumbledore smiled slightly at Sirius. He knew the love that had captured both their hearts and knew too the deep and strong power that love held within. But he knew most how love knew not separation and that to keep Sirius from going was to fight a losing battle. "Of course," he replied. "I thought that had been made clear. I think that Riley will need you to be with her as she is not in for an easy next few days. But I need you to watch over her, protect her as you have just done. I fear this tragedy may have pushed her too close to the edge, especially after the events of this summer. But I believe that as long as she is surrounded and reminded of the love that she has not yet lost she will be fine."

"What happened this summer?" questioned Sirius intensely wondering if this slip by Dumbledore held any answers to the countless questions etched in his head.

Dumbledore's face then changed. It was not angry but stern and even slightly worried. "I cannot tell you Sirius. I know you have questions but it would be best if you could put them aside for awhile. She loves you, Sirius, so much more than even you know. If you are patient she will come to realize that it will be best if you know. But until then I must respect what is hers to give. Go to her. She needs you now more than even she knows and remember that love is an infinite force, it cannot be broken or severed, it endures forever."

And with this last word he turned and left Sirius possibly more confused than Riley ever could.

A.N.: Well since it is the holidays and I love Christmas sooo much I have decided to respond to all of my lovely reviews. Thank you for them and please give me more.

**Mistina:** Genius? Really? Wow I am very flattered but I don't really think I am a genius. I mean you've hear many of the stupid things I say. I must be almost as bad as Tasia sometimes. lol. Hope she's not reading this. But thanks a lot! I think if you want genius you should read your own story. That is pretty genius to me.

I agree with the Baz Luhrmann thing though. That movie was terrible with a capital T!!!! Argh it was painful to watch! But I'm glad you liked my Marauderettes. Ideas come from the weirdest places don't they? I just saw the costumes as something that I could see James and Sirius doing and of course I couldn't leave Remus out. It's hilarious to picture him walking around in heels and a dress isn't it?

Also sorry about the prank on Remus. I promise that I won't be mean to him anymore. It just had to be someone and I figured that James was too much of a prankster himself to be plausible to him.

But to sum up thanks!

**Xxxsapphiretearxxx:** Thanks so much for the reviews! I am so glad you think Sirius and Riley are so cute. But just to tell you things are about to get a little darker between them but don't worry they totally are going to get together in the end.

Thanks for the heads up about the run-ons. They are my curse. And typos too. I've been trying to make sure I keep them to a minimum but I tend to miss them sometimes. Please forgive me and I'll keep trying to make my writing as error free as I can.

Also I'm so glad you didn't think my first chapter was cliché. It seems like almost every Marauders story has a scene like that in is doesn't it? But I kind of liked that idea and I just ran with it. I think it turned out okay though and I'm happy that you enjoyed it.

**FuNnY cIdE:** Hey sorry about the description but really you don't have to read them if you don't want to. I'm glad that you like the story in general though. Thanks for reviewing. Hey if you don't like the sappy dramatics be warned…there are many more where those came from. Hehehe. They are very fun to write. It's fun to write sappy stuff. It makes me laugh sometimes. lol anyways thanks and get to work with your story so I can make fun of it in my reviews. Just kidding.

Thanks everybody and Merry Christmas. I think the holidays are really getting to me. I'm very excited. Peace out.


	7. chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

A.N.: I'm so so sorry!! I've just been so busy lately, and not to mention fighting off a severe case of writers block, and it has taken me way to long to finish this. It's kind of short compared to the other chapters but I promise the next chapter will be longer and quicker and better. Thanks all for your patience and I hope this will make up for the long wait. Please r&r!

Chapter 7

It rained as they waited. But they didn't mind. In fact the large drops, initiating a throbbing twinge as they beat down heavily upon the inhabitants of the small platform, came as a great relief to one of the three Hogwarts students present. Riley actually saw them as a blessing for a cold unidentified reason. The drops, consisting of more ice than water, ripped frostily at her limbs and face and she took an odd pleasure in the fact that the beating rain was causing her pain. Lily beside her was trying half heartedly to escape the stabbing drops but Riley saw no reason to do so. She wanted to feel pain. It eased her grief.

Sirius stood at her other side. He watched her slightly worriedly as he had all the last day. She hadn't spoken since her screamed outburst as he had restrained her in the lake. She just sat staring, not crying, not shaking, just staring. Her face remained pale and ghostly but strong as to hide its grief and pain. She spent the day alone, in the solidity of her sorrow, but wherever she sought to hide, Sirius always was close by. He heeded Dumbledore's words closely and knew that to leave her alone would be a grave mistake after this great blow had shaken her so. He watched over her closer than a mother guards her child, wishing to be of comfort but not bringing any. When night came, she slept little and it brought with it no rest to the ache in her heart. And through it all Sirius watched, learning the true meaning of pain and knowing that no beating he had ever faced matched this unforeseen assault.

He had twice proclaimed that they wait inside the station but twice his suggestion met no reply from Riley. Lily had agreed with Sirius on both occasions but Riley did not regard either of their requests or even notice that she was being spoken to. She was consumed by the rain, the sting of it, the bite of it, the icy freeze it wrought on her exposed flesh. She loved this cold November rain as she had loved Mackenzie. She wanted to throw off her costume of composure and run through this biting rain, feel it all over her exposed body, run wild and free like the days when she didn't know fear, the days when she was still with her Mackenzie. She may have done so too, but there still remained but a sliver of rationality in her grieved mind which let her keep what others labeled sanity.

Sirius looked at her, white faced and shivering slightly, she was a miserable sight. Consumed by the bitter sweet sting of grief, she was a dying flower, bitten by frost and winter's murdering touch. Yet still she was lovely, sad and lovely.

"Let's go inside," he said gently placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You're freeing, Riley."

She looked at him with exposed and wounded eyes. He could see it. He could see everything. Pain. Hurt. Death. She held his gaze for only a few moments before he blinked and looked away. He couldn't look into such sorrow filled eyes, emotion, raw and naked.

"I'm fine," she said as she looked away.

Lily looked at her, a scared expression on her face. "Please, Riley," she sounded close to tears. "You're shivering like crazy. You're going to get sick."

She didn't reply. She didn't need to reply. They didn't get it. They couldn't understand. She was gone. Mackenzie was gone. It didn't matter. She didn't care anymore.

"Riley?" Lily continued with unsure hesitance.

"I'm fine," was the solemn answer.

Sirius and Lily exchanged a worried glance. "Please-" Sirius began but before he could finish the whistle of the approaching train sounded. An eerie doleful sound pieced the quiet of the platform and penetrated Sirius' ears. The usually cheerful note gave the impression of being distorted and disfigured beyond recognition and sent an unnerving chill through the soaking people awaiting the train's arrival.

The large engine, dubbed the Hogwarts Express, creaked uncharacteristically to a seemingly relieved stop. The short arrangement of variable witches and wizards queued quickly into a messy file to get out of the biting rain as quickly as possible. Only Riley seemed to be reluctant to leave her place of waiting and board the express that would carry her on a journey longer and darker than any other.

"Riley," Sirius said as she looked up at the train with almost a helpless expression on her face. "Are you okay?"

She looked at him once more. "I'm fine." Her voice held somewhat of a bitter chill that masked the pain that her eyes did not hide.

"Okay," he said softly as he gently took hold of her arm. She scanned him for a moment but did not pull away. In fact Sirius thought he saw a slight flicker of comfort in her eyes, but when he looked again it was lost. "Let's go," he continued. "It will be warmer on the train."

Her eyes filled suddenly once more with grief. "I don't think it will be," she replied miserably. "Everything is cold now."

Sirius looked away and a hurt silence followed.

"Come on," Lily broke the silence that hung heavy.

Riley nodded slightly, surprising both, and walked toward the train proudly bearing her wounds and loss. Sirius came after her and Lily followed last, worry still present in all her features.

They joined the fray of people pushing eagerly to board the train. A weathered conductor at the head of the line gave a few short harassed calls to order. The pushing slightly subdued and the people began to disappear into the train in a somewhat orderly fashion.

As the file in front of them began to dwindle, Sirius felt a cold and slightly trembling hand grasp his own. He turned to see Riley at his side. Tears streaked her face slightly and fell to the bitter earth. His heart nearly broke at the sight. These tears that slid almost gracefully down her soft cheeks were full of so much pain and hurt. These tears held within more grief than those that had been shed at the first news of her loss. She now had to time to digest what had happened and she didn't doubt it anymore. She knew, brutally she knew, that she would never see her Mackenzie again. She was beyond grief now. She was beyond irrationality now. She was nearly beyond the will to live longer, but as she held tight to Sirius she held tight to the one hand that still gave her reason to live.

He squeezed her hand tight in remorse as he fought off his own tears. He saw Lily, pale and cold, looking from her cousin to himself. Tears stained her own face. Her vivid eyes held their own grief at the lost life but more so they held fear and love for Riley. Both he and Lily felt like outsiders to the pain that the one they loved had to face. They both wished more than anything they could bare it with her, but knew she had to face it alone. So they stood at her side, one clasping her hand, one crying for her, and watched her shed her own tears, her own grief. They knew these tears could not be dried, save by Riley herself.

Sirius held tight to her as they stepped on to the train. He held tight to her as they walked down the narrow corridor. He held her hand with unwavering love as the found an empty compartment and entered it. He did not let go when they seated themselves and watched the rain break upon the window. He swore then that he would not ever, through all of his days, let go of her.

The train shuttered slightly and sprang once again to youthful life. Through the diffracting rain Sirius watched distorted trees and hills rush past their lone window. With each passing second he realized that they were carried closer and closer to the horrors that waited ahead. Weeping eyes, saddened faces, rigid black boxes, deep cold holes in the frosty earth, all fears beyond imagination. As his eyes strayed to Riley, head pressed against the window, he knew she had come to the same comprehension.

His eyes from that moment hardly strayed from her face, pale and tear stained. She had continued to weep silently as the seconds and minutes formed into hours. Their hands did not separate and he could feel the steady pulse of her broken heart as its beats reached a tiny vein in her hand. He felt and heard her breathing as she inhaled slowly and exhaled slower. He felt her tremble as she fought to restrain the tears dampening her face. He felt the warmth rush from somewhere deep within her body to her icy fingers and slowly warm them beneath his own chilled hand. He felt connected to her in every way through the single bond they shared, connected in every way but one. She could not be reached through her grief. It was hers alone, to bear and survive by her own will.

Lily tried futilely to be strong, to restrain her tears and her apprehensive fears. But her endeavor was to no avail as she let tears fall freely down her cheeks and worry consume her mind. After some time though, she had, however difficult, torn her eyes from Riley and tried to dry her own tears of remorse and worry. She had pulled from somewhere a book and restlessly tried to read it. Her eyes had scrolled but a few lines before returning to their favored spot upon Riley's face. She could not help but fear for her cousin. She knew how much this was eating away at the heart of Riley. She knew most how much this loss would scar her cousin. She doubted that Riley would ever be completely whole again. She had suffered so much already.

As the miles passed by almost without realization, the darkened sky overhead began to clear a little. The train rattled over the tracks rather happily at the sun broke through the heavy clouds and began to warm the lands about. Farmers began to emerge in their fields and birds flew merrily overhead. But however cheery the world around them seemed to become, their solitary compartment remained isolated and separate. The light did not penetrate the window and it remained dark and cold inside. Grief clung tight to its victims. Misery and gloom were draped about the compartment and veiled the joy that drowned the rest of the world. They alone remained trapped in an inescapable cage of sorrow.

Familiar scenes began to rush passed the opaque window, small villages and then larger cities, suburbs. Sirius knew London was near but the trip seemed almost non existent. He knew they had boarded the Express but after that everything was a blur of time and darkness and passing lands and tears and worry and Riley's face. Some time ago he remembered Lily offering him something to eat after the food trolley had visited. He had accepted the offer, however grudgingly. He remembered too asking Riley to eat something, but she had refused. He had been oblivious to almost everything else. He thought there had been a train conductor asking him if everything was alright, but perhaps that was only a fictional memory.

The one thing he did remember, was Riley. Her hand had not left his own. He had watched her face change color, finally reaching a shade of white that shadowed death. He remembered her grip tightening as the hours flew by and her body going tense with fear and dread. And then when he was staring to truly fear for her, as she was beginning to shake and tremble in her grief, he remembered pulling her close into his body and holding her shuddering limbs, trying to comfort and console her every movement. Her breathing had been sharp and heavy as she had settled almost naively into his embrace. He sang quietly into her ear as tears streamed forth once more. He remembered holding her and singing to her, comforting her in her grief beyond comfort until she had fallen, almost-child, into a restless slumber in his arms.

The train began to stop as Kings Cross Station came into view. The creakiness that had been present in Hogsmaede seemed to have evaporated along with the rain and chill. The Hogwarts Expressed rolled proudly into the station and stopped along side the platform reserved solely for it. A few people stood atop the platform engaging in cheerful conversation, something that Sirius had all but forgotten in the days passed. The inhabitants of the train began to stir and they could be heard gathering their possessions and making their way down the corridor.

Sirius looked down at Riley in his arms. He hated to have to wake her. On her face was a slightly peaceful expression yet her eyes were still red from the tears she had shed that day. Grief had taken its toll on her though. Dark bags hung under her eyes and her face held a thin worn look to it. She was deathly pale and Sirius was quite sure she hadn't eaten anything since Halloween night, now two days passed. He noticed also that she seemed awfully light and weak in his embrace. Yet as she slept she seemed to find a peace that was lost in her waking hours.

He brushed a stray piece of hair away from her eyes. He felt her soft and smooth skin beneath his fingers. Her lips were slightly parted and her warm breath lightly touched his hand. Her eye lashes fluttered faintly. He ran his hand gently over her face feeling the soft curve of her cheek bones. He remembered once wishing he could watcher her sleep every night. She always looked so beautiful as she slept and as he watched her he felt that same desire come back to him.

"Sirius?" Lily said quietly interrupting his thoughts as she watched him with contempt.

He snapped back to attention, back to horrible reality. Lily was looking at him weirdly. She gave him a look of confusion and reproach and he even discerned slight disdain. He held back a frown at the expression she wore. She didn't know how he felt for Riley, how much he loved her. She didn't know what had happened under the moonlight two nights before, and couldn't understand the hurt that lingered yet in his heart. She had James and was able to love him freely and passionately. He did not have Riley, though he wanted her more than anyone could possibly imagine. But he could not have her, and it nearly killed him to know that. Every time he looked at her and saw her beautiful face his heart broke over and over again and the pain it wrought in him was far greater than anything his past held. Yet still, he loved her, and would forever. Lily could never understand that.

He looked up at her and she glimpsed his exposed eyes. Her own look faltered at the sight of it. He looked helpless and hurt. She could see the love in his eyes.

She had always known him as Sirius. He was arrogant, egotistical and overconfident. He used to strut around the school with a head larger than any other, believing himself to be superior. He was continuously flirting and lying to girls to gain their trust and then dumping them when he got bored. He didn't know love. He had never been in love. She knew Riley too held her fair share of arrogant confidence, but knew that it could never compare to the conceit of Sirius Black. They had been attracted to each other when they first met, Lily had seen, and at that moment she had taken it upon herself to make sure Riley knew the real Sirius. She did not want her cousin hurt by the condescending Marauder. In the end, though her efforts may have seemed futile, Riley did come to know that real Sirius, and she had fallen in love with him. And he with her.

As she looked at the pair then, she understood. She could not see everything though. She did not see the hurt that had sprung up between them. She did not see the wall that held them apart. But she did see that love that entangled them both and knotted their fates into one. And in that moment of shared glance with the one she had once deemed unworthy, she gave her blessing to the relationship she now saw was inevitable.

"I...I'm sorry," she whispered and he understood. He gave a faint smile though it took effort to do so. She tried to do the same but found she could not and turned her gaze to the window.

Silence followed for a few minutes. It was tense and heavy. Sirius finally broke it, though reluctantly. "I guess we should get going."

Lily nodded.

"Should I wake her?" he questioned softly.

She nodded again. Her back was turned away from him and she quavered slightly. He guessed that she had started to cry again. He felt something growing in his heart. He labeled it sympathy, but he knew it was something more.

Gently he loosened his grip on Riley and lay her across the seat. When he was sure he had not disturbed her sleep he crossed the compartment and stood beside Lily. He did not speak for a minute partially because he didn't really know what to say…mostly because he had come to see Lily truly, as a friend, his friend. He could see why James had fallen in love with her all those years ago. She was kind and caring beyond words almost. She held such a love in her heart that it shone brightly through all of her features. Sirius knew that light, that love, knew no end and would shine through her forevermore.

"Lily," he finally said placing a hand on her shoulder. She did not turn to face him. "Lily I love her…I love her more than anybody else. And I know I may have said that before, but this is different, Riley is different…I don't know if you want to trust me, but you can trust that I love her, trust that I won't hurt her. I promise you, I will never break her heart. I will never hurt her."

She turned to look at him. Tears did streak her face. Her expression was almost unreadable but he saw sadness present in vivid green eyes which bored into his own. "I know," she whispered softly.

Sirius found himself, however inexplicably, pulling Lily into a quick embrace. He held her close for only a moment and stroked the back of her head gently. And in that tender moment they both came to appreciate the other and the bond that was friendship, which they had newly discovered in each other.

Lily broke the hold and turned away from Sirius. He watched her for a moment, but she made no motion that she wanted to further their conversation. He finally turned, with some reluctance, to Riley and knelt down to shake her gently from her slumber. She woke quickly as if jarred awake but then relaxed slightly as she saw Sirius' comforting face.

"Hi," she whispered oblivious to the volume of her voice. He thought she smiled slightly but with a blink that though was wiped from his mind as she looked just as heartrending as before.

"Hi," he whispered back as she sat up. He gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "I didn't want to wake you but we're here. How are you feeling?"

"Better, I think," was her placid reply. To Sirius it looked as though she was indeed feeling, however faintly, better. Her face seemed to hold more life within it than when she had fallen into her serene slumber and she looked less pale. She seemed also more composed and less uneasy. To those that hadn't known better she would have looked nearly normal, but to Sirius, who knew her well, she still looked forlorn and distant, pale and hurt. Grief had not left her and once it did, he knew it would leave a scar.

"Good," Sirius said truthfully. He noticed that Lily was at his side looking down at Riley.

"We should probably get going," Lily said softly. "Mum and dad will be waiting."

Riley nodded and climbed to her feet gracefully yet slowly. Lily looked at her. She looked rather weak despite her slight improvement and worry flashed across Lily's face. "Riley you have to eat when we get home. You look sick and pale. You're hurting you're self."

Riley scanned her cousin for a brief moment. For that brief moment there was a fierceness in her face as if Lily had challenged her. She looked as though she wanted to hurt herself, as if it would bring Mackenzie back to her. She looked as if she wanted disobey Lily just to spite her. But then that moment passed and the grief and sadness that had utterly consumed her returned and she looked weak once more. She nodded slowly to her cousin, though it looked as if it was an effort to do so.

Lily, whose look of worry had intensified in that moment, gave a slight sigh of relief at Riley's agreement. She loved Riley with all of her heart and knew it was her duty, as well as Sirius', to protect her.

She nodded back to Riley unable to hide that slight relief and said, "Let's go," and with a last look at Sirius, exited the compartment.

Sirius came after with Riley close at his side. They followed her down the narrow corridor and out onto the platform. It was nearly empty as most people had already passed through the barrier between the magic and muggle worlds.

"Shall I go first?" Lily questioned glancing at her companions.

Riley nodded and Lily, turning back to look at the wall in front of her, took a deep breath, walked forward with a nervous quickness, and disappeared.

When she was through Sirius said delicately, "Are you ready?"

Riley nodded but he glimpsed a slight hesitance in her eyes.

"We can wait a bit longer if you want," he said slowly, "if you're not ready."

"No," she replied, "it's not that."

"What is it?" he asked softly.

"It's just that…" she trailed off when his eyes caught her own.

"What?" he asked even more softly.

He felt his hand become enclosed in hers once more. Her eyes locked into his own for a brief second and then she looked away. When she spoke it was quiet and subtle. "Sirius…thank you."

"For what?" His voice this time had dropped to nothing more than a whisper.

"For everything," she whispered in reply. And to his surprise, she slowly straightened and kissed him tenderly on the cheek. After a silent moment she let his hand fall from her own and turned away. She walked toward the barrier and after only a second of indecision she walked proudly through the wall and into what horrors the hours and days ahead would hold.

A.N.: And review…


	8. chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

A.N.: I took awhile but it is finally finished. Enjoy. And don't forget to review!

Chapter 8

They were waiting on the other side of the barrier. Their faces were somber and worried as they waited for their daughter's arrival. But it was not for her that they were worried. It was Riley that held their thoughts, for they knew how this death would hit her. They knew her strength of will. And they knew how hurt she was already. They did not fear unnecessarily.

Lily came first. Her eyes were stained with the signs of tears, hastily wiped away in an attempt to look composed. Needless to say she had failed abysmally in the attempt. She looked forlorn and weary. Her face did not conceal its sadness, but then she never had been one to hold back her emotions. Nevertheless she walked proudly to her parents and let herself be wrapped tightly in her father's arms. A sigh of relief escaped her lips despite her best efforts and she sank farther into the embrace, feeling the comfort of her father's intention.

She looked to her mother only to be smothered by another hug. Tears fell from the motherly eyes of Emily Evans as she clung tight to her daughter. She felt Lily begin to shudder slightly in her grip and knew that tears were once again staining her face. She wished she could be like her husband and offer some kind, any kind, of comfort, but she had no such gift. She just held tight to her Lily and shed her own tears. She knew that this was going to be the easy part of that meeting.

"Is-is she…" the voice of Henry Evans broke through the silent weeping. "Is she alright?"

Lily nodded slowly. "Yes," she chocked out through her tears. "Yes, she's okay, well not okay. I don't think she ever will be. But she is…she is coming."

Her father nodded. He knew how much this was hurting his daughter. She held the kind of love and compassion in her heart that the world had all but forgotten. He was amazed sometimes to look at her and see how blessed he was. She and Riley were more like sisters than anything. After it had happened he had taken them in, Riley and Mackenzie, as his own daughters, as he knew his brother would have done had it been him. They had nobody else and he loved them very dearly, as dearly as he loved his own Lily. And now one of his daughters was gone.

Poor sweet Mackenzie, she was so young and curious. He knew she was going to be a witch. He could see the magical glow in her eyes, such a vivid blue, each time he had the opportunity to look at them. She was always going, always adventurous, always trying to keep up to her big sister. She was gentle and caring even at so young an age, and she found friendship everywhere as she always smiled and gave a friendly hello. He sometimes wondered if she even remembered it. She remembered her father, he knew, but did she remember the summer and what had passed only mere months ago. She never gave sign that she had. She stayed cheerful and bright as always, and only for a brief moment as she had watched her father, his brother, lowered into the earth did she slip up and shed a tear. It had even been she who had comforted Riley on that grave day. But now there was no one to comfort Riley. That wonderful child who was the very image of laughter and love was gone.

Riley took over his thoughts then. Oh dear Riley. How ever could she deal with this, so soon after? She had been like Mackenzie once too, free spirited and loving. Bur after the summer she had become distant somehow, without going cold. She had grown a fierceness to her beauty like a thorn on a rose. She had endured but she had not forgotten, she had moved on but still held tight. She did remember, and she understood, and that was far worse than naivety, for she knew what had been done. Time seemed to heal her wounds, but the scars did not fade. Her eyes held her story, sorrowful and cheerless. And now, now another chapter had been added to that unbearable tale.

"Dad?" Lily said softly tears still clinging to her eye lashes. "Are you alright?"

He had not noticed the solitary tears leaking from his own eyes at the thought of his brother's children. He looked upon her again. He took in her hair so unlike his own, and then her green eyes which he knew were her mother's. And he smiled, slightly. "Yes, I'm alright. Everything will be alright…it just takes time sometimes."

She nodded slowly, taking in his words and digesting them. She hoped they held truth. And as she saw Riley emerge from the barrier, she knew it would take a long time for this to be alright.

Riley walked toward them slowly but erect. She was determined not to cry, not again. She did not cry, she never had. She was proud and strong and tears were a sign of weakness, the weakness she had decided long before that she didn't have. But no matter how hard she tried, she could not prevent that bitter emotion, that bitter flaw, from entering her heart. She did cry and it killed her to do so. She had tried to take herself away from everything, to become like a rock, but she loved too much to be of stone. She loved her friends and her family, and she did not want to lose them out of fear of pain, of tears. She became fierce and cold, but still remained herself, remained Riley, and Riley cried.

"Oh, god, Riley," her aunt whispered loudly as she pulled Riley into her arms. "Oh god, why? Why did this happen to you? You don't deserve this."

Riley held back her tears even as she was held tightly in the arms of Lily's mother. She wouldn't break, she wouldn't let herself. "Nobody deserves this," she whispered detachedly.

"I know, dear. I know," came the sighed reply.

When Riley was released from the arms of her aunt she found herself facing the one person she knew could bring her to regretful tears, her uncle, her father's brother, the one who had loved her enough to accept her as his own. He looked at her for a moment and took in her grieved appearance. She held herself proudly, willed herself not to look frail, but in her eyes that frailty was not hidden. Her eyes were her father's, deep and thoughtful. Mackenzie had taken after her mother, but Riley was her father. She was composed and collected, unruffled even, but he knew it was merely her pride that carried her. Under her costume she was weeping, weeping for loss, for grief, for Mackenzie, for her father. Underneath her costume she was weeping, and bleeding.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered to her with all of the sincerity in his heart.

Her eyes, sorrowful, held his own. "I know," she whispered.

She found her way to his arms and let her body be encircled in his arms. And then she did cry, into his shoulder, into the shoulder of one who knew truly what it was she was feeling then. And she did not fight her tears, but let them fall with a subdued joy as she found a comfort in her uncle's embrace.

Sirius watched this all. He stood to the side going rather unnoticed through the pain that belonged to this family. He was an outsider, yet he felt the same pain in his own heart for them. He loved them, he loved Riley, and watching now, as she wept along with her uncle, he truly understood her pain.

Then Lily was at his side. She too was crying silently, but she looked to him and gave him a look of needed reassurance. He smiled slightly in return, thankful for her presence and friendship. She returned the gesture and turned back to her family.

It seemed hours before everyone was assembled in the car and they were heading for home, but it didn't matter. Sirius, Lily and Riley were seated in the back of the rather squashed car. No one spoke. Nobody could bring themselves to. The few sober words exchanged in the station had been enough. Sirius had been introduced briefly. Lily's mother had proceeded to encase him in her arms in an act of welcome, and he had been very grateful for it. And now as the sun fell from the sky in the west, they were heading home, and even more significantly, they were heading toward the funeral that lay less than twenty four hours away. Sirius glanced at Riley. He knew she was thinking the same thing.

The house that loomed behind the driveway was large. In fact it gave the slight impression of being a cozy looking mansion. It was located in the center of an obviously wealthy part of town, full of large backyards complete with playing children, posh looking restaurants and schools, and an abundance of expensive sports cars. It was an unexpected location for the residence of Lily Evans. Sirius had always pictured her in a small quiet suburban area. She seemed too humble to be part of an exclusive neighborhood like this. But he was beginning to expect unexpected things from her.

The joyful sounds issuing from the neighboring backyard were not mirrored by the members of the Evans house as they made their way from the car to the finely carven front door of the manor. The initiators of the noise were a few small boys indulging in a game that involved a ball and a couple of stray branches that seemed to have been plucked from a nearby tree much to its irritation. They ran back and forth across the yard unconscious to the events that had happened so near to them, but still unaffecting them.

Riley watched them somewhat contently wishing she could be like that, naïve and innocent, once again. Mackenzie had been like that, young and careless. But how she was gone and they were not. Cruel, she thought. Of course it was cruel, but the world was cruel, she had discovered that long ago. However seeing those boys, healthy, happy, alive, the cruelty of her sister's death struck her like an unsuspecting blow.

The boys, hearing the car door, looked up from their game. There were three of them in total. They quieted their contest seeing their neighbors, having been instructed to do so by their parents. They watched with boyish interest the somber faces of the Evans family and Sirius as they walked by. Death was a concept seldom understood by children, but these boys found understanding in the saddened expressions etched on the faces of those they watched. They felt a sudden stir of an unknown emotion rise up inside of them. They did not know it for empathy, but even they deemed it meant something. After holding a short conference among themselves one, the leader, or perhaps only the scapegoat, was thrust forward to bear message to the passing party.

He stalked slightly nervously to the neighbors. His fair hair was ruffled by the wind as he approached. His face showed his discomfort but also his sympathy. He found who he was looking for and said in a quietly assertive tone to Riley, "I, um, we're really sorry about Mackenzie." He stopped shortly and snuck a look back toward his friends. "She was really fun and nice," he finished.

Riley's face changed. It became soft and caring. She knelt to face the boy at eye level. He was younger even that Mackenzie, no older than six or seven. She gently took one of his hands in her own and said, "Thank you, Derrick. It means a lot that you came to say that."

He nodded awkwardly and said, "You're welcome. I have to go now."

Riley nodded as well in return and gave a slight smile. He returned it before running off to rejoin his friends.

Sirius watched. It seemed to him that as she stood and turned away from the boys she lost a piece of herself, a piece of her youth. She looked weathered and beaten, almost old. She was grown up and burdened by the many wounds that life had already dealt her. It was a bitter sight to see.

She did not falter though, but walked toward the house, her home, with the same pride and strength that she had convinced herself she possessed. She did not falter in her act.

Once inside the family disbanded. Riley, with a simple phrase, declared her exhaustion and made for her room. No one objected. They knew she wanted to be alone. Lily's mother announced that she needed to see to supper and gave Sirius hasty directions to a guest bedroom that had been made ready for him. Her father muttered something about last minute arrangements before he disappeared up the stairs that led away from the front entry hall. Sirius and Lily were left alone.

He looked over at her. She was looking up at a picture on the wall. He walked closer to get a better view of it. It was a family portrait, not of Lily's family, but of Riley's. There were four of them. The inhabitants of the frame did not move but each smiled. The elder couple each had placed a hand on one of their daughter's shoulders as they beamed down at them. They looked so content and pleasant. No one could have imagined, looking up at that picture, that anything could tear this family apart.

He scanned the portrait. He took in Riley's lovely face, and then Mackenzie's, sweet and innocent. Riley, beside her Mackenzie, looked just as she always did, but for one difference. There was no pain in her eyes, no fierceness in her face. She had not yet had her taste of the world's cruelty. His eyes then slowly found their way to David Evans' face. Riley's father's face. It was soft and strong, patient and caring. His eyes, hazel, were deep with wisdom and saturated in intelligence, but they also held and edge that was spontaneous and wild even. They were Riley's eyes. Eventually his glance came upon the charming face of Alice Evans. Her features were warm and pleasant. She gave the impression of adept motherhood. But there was something about her, something set deep in her vibrant blue eyes, that caught Sirius' gaze. It was not easily discerned in the kind face of Riley's mother, but there was a streak that looked somewhat unpleasant, somewhat…cold. But upon a second look that crack of chill was gone. Sirius stared hard at her face but he saw nothing. Had he imagined it?

He turned his glance on Lily looking from some explanation perhaps. She was wiping away the last stray tears that yet clung to her eyelashes. Her face looked weary and burdened. Sirius knew she had been so worried about Riley that she had hardly a minute of rest in the last few days. He felt sympathy rising in his heart for her.

"They look so happy," he said softly.

She jumped slightly having not heard him come up behind her. "Yeah," she replied subtly. "It's hard to believe that that was taken only last year."

"Riley she…" he trailed off, looking up at her picture once more.

"What?" Lily questioned gently.

"She looks so, so different now," he said delicately choosing his words.

Lily nodded. She too knew the change that had come over her cousin, but she also knew why. She knew what had happened.

Lily turned away from the picture and wiped away a single tear that had newly fallen. She met Sirius' glance for a moment but then turned away for him too. She walked from the hall and through a door to the left. Sirius, not knowing what else to do, followed her into a large and elegantly furnished living room. She seated herself in a vacant armchair. He sat centered on an equally vacant couch. Neither spoke for a while.

Sirius looked at her. She held her head in her hands. He could not see her face. He did not speak, though he knew what he was itching to ask. He had been waiting patiently for a moment alone with Lily and now the opportunity had arisen. He knew she knew, and he wanted to know too.

"Lily," he said finally breaking the thick silence.

She looked up slowly.

"What happened this summer?" he continued tentatively, hiding his intense curiosity.

She scanned him with a mild discretion. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing really, it was just, um, something Dumbledore said a few days ago," he replied somewhat uncertainly.

"Dumbledore?" she raised an eyebrow. "What did he say?"

"Something about the summer, something happened, to Riley," he said.

Lily stared at him as if trying to read his intentions. He felt her eyes running over him. She seemed reluctant to speak again, to tell him what she knew. A few silent minutes passed. Finally she heaved a sigh. "Her father died this summer," she said somewhat unwillingly.

He blinked, rather stupidly he supposed, but it was all he could really think to do. It wasn't like he wasn't expecting it. In fact if he would have had to guess her reply, it would have been that. What else could have torn Riley apart like that? But somehow, to hear it, to hear the finality in Lily's words, it made the hard fact seem more real, more brutal.

Silence settled over the room once more like an itchy blanket. It was tense and uncomfortable. Lily had turned her gaze upon her feet and Sirius was awkwardly examining his hands. He knew he had touched on a bad subject. He could see the disinclination in Lily's features, hear the saddened memories in her voice. He knew this was a painful memory, but it was one he wished he could share.

"How?" he asked uncertainly.

"How what?" Lily echoed his tone.

"How did it happen?" he elaborated cautiously.

Lily gaped at him. Her expression did not have a name. It seemed to house a certain resentment in its grief though. Her eyes held to his own and she sent forth a message of intrusion. "Why?" she inquired strongly.

Sirius felt slightly taken aback by her harshness. "Sorry," he muttered breaking her gaze.

Her face softened as she heard his apology. "No, its okay," she said dolefully. "It's just…it's just that…it's hard Sirius. You don't understand."

He looked at her. "That's exactly what Riley said."

Lily looked at him. "What did she say?"

He turned his eyes back to her. "That I can't understand…that I can't help. God I don't even know what she is talking about." He closed his eyes for a second and the scene by the moon lit lake flooded back to him. It seemed like years had passed since that heart breaking night, yet it had only been days. The wound Riley had dealt him still lay fresh in his heart. It hurt so much. He wanted her so bad, but it seemed as though he would never have her. And that was the most painful blow of all. "I don't understand her."

Lily looked at him and found her own understanding. She could see the hurt in his eyes, the love in his heart. This was cruel. She could see it, the pain, the wounds. This love was merciless.

"I don't even know whether she…she even loves me…" he sighed into his hands

"Sirius," Lily said hardly above a whisper. He looked up. "That's not true. You know it's not."

"She pushed me away! She doesn't want me!" he cried angrily before he could stop himself, the ache that had build in his heart finally bursting out.

Lily gazed at him with compassion, her own heart heavy. His face was buried in his hands and his breathing was sharp. He looked as though he may have started crying. It was odd to watch. She felt a burning desire to comfort him, to tell him it would be okay, but the words wouldn't come. So she watched, watched him in his pain, his grief, his rejection. She hadn't known.

"She does love you, Sirius," she said slowly after a time. He didn't look up. "I can see it in her eyes, every time she looks at you…she has never looked like that before. When she sees you she, she's happy. She hasn't had a reason to be happy for a long time…she loves you…I know you know that."

The tense silence stretched the minutes so they seemed like hours. Neither spoke. Sirius contemplated Lily's words. They were true, he did know. He could feel it in his heart that they were true. But still the wounds lingered. Why had she pushed him away? Why had she rejected him? Why couldn't they be together?

He nodded slowly. "I know," came a quiet and somber reply as his sad gray eyes emerged from his palms. "But why Lily? You know, I know you do. Something else happened. Tell me."

She scanned his face. It was so sad and so longing. He had never looked like that before. It broke her will and her heart, and led her to break something else. A promise she swore to keep forevermore.

"Her dad was…he was murdered."

Sirius' eyes widened. "Murdered?" was all he managed, his voice upset and leaden.

Lily nodded painfully. "It was horrible. Riley didn't eat of sleep for weeks after."

"Why?" Sirius asked with difficulty after a moment. "He was an auror. How?"

She shook her head. "I don't know."

He scanned her with subdued eagerness. "You have to know. Who did it?"

The look in her eyes was unbearably sad. "I really don't know. Riley has never told anyone exactly what happened."

"Well what did she say?" he asked slowly.

She sighed loudly into her hands. "All I know is Riley was there. She saw it happen…and-and she nearly died too."

Sirius stopped. His curiosity was quenched. "She nearly died?" The words hit him hard.

Lily nodded solemnly.

"Oh my god," he said somberly. "I never knew."

"She didn't want you to know," Lily replied sullenly.

"Well what about her mother? What happened to her?" he asked dejectedly.

"She's gone too."

* * *

Dinner that night was a somber affair. Riley, at Sirius left, was staring across to the wall opposite, mindlessly stiring the content of her plate about. Lily and her mother both were watching her apprihensively. Her uncle too kept throwing worried glances at his niece, hardly touching his own food. Sirius himself felt tension settling in the room. All were worried.

"Riley dear, aren't you hungary?" her aunt questioned concernedly.

Riley shrugged slightly.

"Please, Riley," Lily had a pleading look in her eye. "You promised you would eat."

"I'm not hungary," she said stifly.

Sirius scanned her face. It seemed to have lost its feebleness and replaced it with a harsh fierceness. Her eyes were cold, her resolve strong. She looked bitter and angry now. Her face was wintery and pale. Yet he could see her weakness. She was hungary, but she wouldn't admit to it. She would never admit to weakness and frailty. She had sewn herself a guise of resolution and she would not be swayed by pity and hunger. She was strong, even now in her grief. Her eyes told them everything.

The subject fell and silence covered all again. Sirius coughed slightly breaking the rigid quiet. He felt he had violated an unwritten law afterward. "Mum, will you please pass the salt," Lily had muttered equally as uncomfortable. Mrs. Evans had nodded in reply and met the request, then the hush was restored.

The meal passed in awkward disquiet. The dishes were cleared away and a large elegantly decorated pudding was set in their place. Sirius stared down at the dessert in front of him. He had managed to force down a few bites of the roast beef and potatoes that had been placed in front of him before. But his appetite had eluded him then and it had completely left him as he looked down at the strawberries and cream occupying his plate. He hadn't the heart to even take a bite of it. All shared his thoughts.

After what seemed like a long time Mrs. Evans finally sighed. "I guess I should clear this all away. No one is going to touch it." None objected.

"Henry dear," she said as she picked up his untouched plate. He looked up at his wife. "Have you decided you is going to read the eulogy tomorrow yet?"

Something passed over the table in that moment. It was like a wave of hurt awareness and call to brutal reality. Riley looked up as if there had been an explosion. Everyone's attention was turned to her. Her uncle's eyes told that his heart was black for fear of his niece. On the face of Emily Evans was etched an expression of one who had uttered profanity without thought and was now stuck with disbelief. Everyone seemed reluctant to speak again.

Lily's dad took the task upon himself. "Um, I thought I might do it," he said with extreme caution. "I don't really want to trust the task to anyone."

Riley scanned both with an inquiring discretion. Her eyes had softened in that moment. At the thought of her Mackenzie, her heart softened. "I'll do it."

Everyone looked at her knowing that her word was the last.

"Are you sure dear?" her aunt asked with maternal concern.

Riley nodded. "She was my sister. I'll do it," she replied with such a passionate finality that they knew they would not sway her.

"I just though it might be, hard, to talk to all those people about her," Lily's mum tried one last time.

"I'll be fine," came the resolved reply.

"Emily leave her," Mr. Evans put in with a weathered sigh. "She will do it. It is how it should be." He gave his niece a look of pained provision. And with a last subdued nod he exited the dining room.

* * *

Sirius couldn't sleep. He lay awake with his eye lids pressed firmly together, but sleep would not come. He rolled onto his side and then onto his stomach. Neither position brought anymore comfort. He sighed and turned again onto his back to stare up at the darkened ceiling. He knew sleep would not visit him that night.

Riley was on his mind. In fact she had never left his mind. Her eyes now burned his heart with grief whenever he looked at her. He could see something in them now, something that had always been there, but had gone unnoticed before. He could understand the hurt they housed and see the story, and the tale was sad and hopeless and terrible to read. Her dad had been murdered. It had been horrible. And she, only mere months before, had to witness that horrible thing. She had witnessed her father being killed, and had only just managed to escape herself.

Behind his eyes Sirius could picture a scene. Riley was clutching to the body of her father, life having just left him. He was yet warm, his eyes lay open and lifeless. She was weeping, her tears falling onto his chest. She cried out in pain and then again. She screamed "Daddy" but nobody answered. She shook him and shook him begging with all the love in her heart for him to wake up again, but she could not escape the brutality of reality, the ruthlessness that is life. He was gone and she was alone.

Sirius' eyes snapped open. His chest heaved slightly from the vividness of the picture. God it was cruel, more cruel that anything anyone should have to face. He felt a sudden stir in his heart. Why did everything have to be so painful? Why was life so vicious and unforgiving? Why was life so hard? He felt the sudden stir give way to anger, the anger that had been built up in his heart.

The memories of his own childhood now came flooding back. He saw Regulus' face, cold and dark. His father loomed behind, foreboding and heartless. He heard the hate filled cries from his mother. Why couldn't he escape? Why did they torture him even now? He had left them, but still they damaged him, still they beat him.

"You're worthless!" The cry echoed horribly through his aching head. He felt the sting of his mother's hand as she had slapped him. "You are foul. Nobody will ever want you useless boy." The words of his mother toyed with his mind. She had been spiteful and malicious. She held no love for her younger son. She had hated him. "Traitor, you are a shame to our proud name. I don't want you. You are a stain to the Black legacy."

"No," he mumbled subconsciously warding off the woman of his nightmares with his hand. But she advanced menacing and cruel.

"Scum, foul, traitor, worthless," the words came at him faster and faster, his head spinning.

"Stop it," he pleaded as if a young boy. "Please."

He could see into the depths of her eyes. They were cold. They were not the eyes of a mother. They were the eyes of an enemy.

He shut his own eyes trying to hide, trying to escape, but when he reopened them, his father was there.

"Fool," the word penetrated his entire body driving the bite of it deep. "Why do you bring such mockery to this family? We are proud. Perhaps I will have to teach you that. You are a Black, and you will act like one if it is the last thing you do."

And then it came. Lash upon lash, hit upon hit, the blows came and did not stop. He wept and begged and screamed, but he could not escape. He could not escape the pain. At the end he knew that his skin would be blackened with bruises, his body scarred forever, but it was not the physical wounds that hurt him. It was the thought, the knowledge that he was hated. This wound was one that time could not heal. This wound would burden the heart forever. This was the wound that hallowed his heart and mind. The lack of love, the pain of hatred, flowing through his veins and into his heart, was like a poison infecting him, changing him. He was different. He was not like them. He did know love, and that was why he hurt.

"Stop it!" Sirius screamed into the dark and empty room. He opened his eyes. They were gone.

He sat up sweating and breathing heavy. Anger and pain flowed through him like a river rushing out to meet the sea. He hated them, all of them. They were not his family, they never had been. He wasn't one of them, he couldn't be. Yet they had tried to change him, mould him and carve him into their likeness. They had hurt him and beat him. They didn't know love. But they also didn't know failure, and when he had not been changed they became more ruthless in their resolve. The beatings had come more often, more profusely, more painfully. But he would not break. It was not within him to break. He would not become one of them. He would not become a Black.

A heavy thud followed by the sounds of shattering glass suddenly drowned the room in sound. It took Sirius a few moments to realize it had been he who had thrown the glass across the room. He stared placidly at the wall opposite where there was a dent left behind where the glass made contact. The anger that pulsed through him in waves began to recede as he lay silent. The absurdity of what had just happened finally hit him. Yet still the room around him seemed somewhat surreal as his heart pounded in his chest. They had all seemed so vivid, so real. His bitter memories seemed reality for a brief moment.

He took a deep breath and slowly let the air fill his lungs. After a few moments he let it out again. He need air, fresh air. He threw off the covers and slid slowly from his bed. Pulling a sweater over his bare chest, he left the room and silently made his way down the hallway toward the stairs.

The house around him was deep in sleep despite his disturbance. He suspected that he hadn't gone unheard but everyone was too absorbed in their own grief to take much notice. He crept noiselessly down the darkened hall, still trying to wipe the memories from his mind. He could still hear the words of his parents echoing painfully in his head. He doubted he would ever be able to rid himself of the memories of their abhor.

Suddenly though he heard a different noise penetrating his mind, one that did not belong to memory. He heard the voiceless sobs issuing from a room to his right. It was the room he knew belong to Riley.

He stopped in his trek and listened painfully to the silent weeping. He felt his heart come alive with a cheerless throbbing. He hated hearing her cry. She didn't deserve tears and death. She didn't deserved this hurt.

He crept close to her door and knocked lightly. "Riley," he whispered lovingly. "What's wrong?"

His words met no reply but the continuance of the sounds of sadness.

"Do you want to talk?" he asked with deep compassion.

His question went again unanswered.

"Please, Riley," Sirius tried again after a few moments. "Let me come in."

No response.

"Okay," he said finally with a aching sigh, "we don't have to talk. But please get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a…a long day."

He made to turn away, and retire to his own bed, but something held him back. He looked at the door again. "I love you Riley," he whispered gently. "I'll be here for you."

Then he sank quietly to the floor and listened to the subdued cries. He stayed there for a long time.

* * *

She was so beautiful. Her hair was like finely spun strands of gold that gently framed her face. And her face looked angelic even though it was pale and colorless. He could see the vivid blue of her eyes staring happily out at him, even though their lids would never open again. She could have been only sleeping in that rigid black box, and for a brief tender moment it seemed she was. But reality doesn't hide its malice. She was dead. She would not wake. Ever.

He felt the taut grip Riley had on his hand tighten as she looked down at her Mackenzie for the last time. Her own face had reached a shade of white that looked ghostly. Tears stained her cheeks and ran down her face on to her black garments of mourning.

She did not cry out or shake with grief. Today she was strong, she had to be strong. She would not let herself look frail and weak. She would not show vulnerability and fragility to the people that surrounded her. She would not show it to Mackenzie. She had been a role model to her sister, and could not bring herself to be exposed in front of her. Even now, she was strong.

Sirius offered what little support he could. The whole thing was overwhelming even for him. He could not imagine how Riley had to feel. The church had loomed overhead as they had walked up the foreboding steps and into the vast entry hall. There they had met a crowd of people, of mourners. Each had offered their condolences, their pity, as an unwanted gift. They didn't know their ignorance. They didn't know the one thing that Riley truly wanted, the one gift she desired, would be gone forever. But she knew Mackenzie was not gone, not forgotten, not yet.

They had been taken to her where she lay unmoving. That was when reality hit, cruel and hard. That moment as they had looked down was the breaking point, but Riley did not break. Her will would not let her. She remained composed in her grief. But deep inside, in the one spot where weakness cannot be hidden, in her heart, she was screaming in pain, pain that would not go away. Her heart was breaking. Grief was taking its toll and no one but Sirius could see it.

The ceremony felt as if it would never end. Each minute seemed stretched into an hour, a day even. Nameless people each took turn to speak wordlessly in heartache and misery. But none could truly express the pain of this death as Riley felt it tearing at her heart.

Both were hardly aware. They did not sing the hymns. They did not hear the lone piper play "Amazing Grace" in sweet farewell to the lost child. They did not hear the heart filled speeches given or the words of mourning spoken by the minister. All Sirius could remember of that ceremony was Riley, and holding tight to her wavering hand, seeing the anguish in her eyes, and the remembering the vivid face of the one dead, knowing he would never forget it. Riley could remember nothing, nothing but the searing pain marring her from the inside out.

But both came to realism as the one thing they had been dreading finally came upon them. Riley was called forward to reads a eulogy for her sister in a final goodbye, before she was taken to the cold unfriendly cemetery to be lowered into the earth with the others who had gone.

Composure took over again and Riley walked rigidly to the front of the sanctuary. She let her hand fall slowly from Sirius' grasp and walked alone, with only inquiring eyes following her. She stood for a moment and looked out before her. The vast room was full of people; friends, family, kind, loving, and sad faces. But she did not see them. All she saw was blackness and death.

Her uncle had written the eulogy for her. He had given it to her that morning, saying that she didn't have to do anything she didn't want to. She was always surprised at how well he knew her. He always knew exactly what she was thinking, what she was feeling. Perhaps it was because they had shared the same experiences, the same pain. He had lost a sibling, a brother, her father. They had shared that death. And now Mackenzie had gone too. He had lost a daughter, and niece, she, a sister. And now they shared a bond through love and sadness, life and death. They shared a bond none could truly understand.

She unfolded the paper slowly and looked down at it. She read the first line and then the second, and then farther. She could feel her eyes filling with tears as she read the memories of her younger sister, and the qualities she possessed. She could see them falling from her face and staining the paper. She could feel composure leaving her as she read farther, seeing Mackenzie's cold lifeless face before her subconscious eyes. She could hear herself begin to cry louder and harder, but she could do nothing to stop it.

When she reached the bottom of the page, she looked up again at the people watching her. All looked distorted as she peered at them through her tears. They looked up at her with expectance yet concern. They watched as she took the speech in her hands again, refolded it, and placed in once more in her pocket. Then she spoke.

"You knew her," she said quietly. "You don't need me to tell you how good she was, how sad this all is…" Her voice was cold, her words harsh.

"She was too good!" she cried out suddenly. "She was too good for everything that happened to her. She didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it…no one does..."

Concerned whispers began to sound out across the room as she spoke. Not heeding them she continued. "Don't tell me that everyone dies. I know that…but Mackenzie shouldn't have died. She was too young, too curious, too kind to die…she never ever hurt anybody or anything, not once… how many of you can say the same thing? How many of you can claim innocence? How many of you can say that you do not deserve death?"

Her face was angry now, her eyes cold. Yet still tears fell from her cheeks. She scanned the room once again, and found a set of eyes that caught her own and held them. Set behind a pair of half moon spectacles, Dumbledore's eyes penetrated hers. Riley felt as if he was scanning her, looking into her very soul. His face was sad yet comforting. She felt that comfort entering her, and flowing through her. It began to pulse, reaching into her very depths. She felt her anger dripping away and grief dominating her once more. "Don't lie to yourselves," she spoke softly again wanting to say one last thing. "Everybody deserves death…but Mackenzie…didn't."

On the last word she broke her gaze with Dumbledore and began to run. She ran up the isle between the pews despite the worried response following her. She didn't look at anyone, she couldn't. She just wanted to get away, away from everything, away from the pain.

She dashed through the large doors and into the entry hall. It was empty and quiet and her sobs and deep breaths reverberated loudly off the walls. She sank to the floor with her face in her hands and cried openly and excruciatingly.

She didn't hear Sirius enter. He looked at her with unrelenting sympathy. She was so forlorn and lost, so miserable and broken. It was tragic to see her, or anybody, like that. He walked silently to her side and knelt beside her. She looked up at him and her eyes in their ultimate pain pierced a hole through his chest and into his heart. Their gaze felt like a knife slowly tearing his flesh, spilling his blood, cutting his heart in two. It was unbearable.

"She's gone, Sirius," she whispered, the note her voice held was more doleful than any that he had ever heard before. "She won't come back."

His own voice was lost deep within his chest, yet he knew it was his duty, his purpose to comfort her. He took her in his arms and pulled her in tight to his breast. Her tears fell silently onto his shoulder. He felt her heart beating painfully and the sharp jolt of her breathing. He knew he was bringing to comfort, no console, but he could do no more.

"It hurts, Sirius," she breathed lightly in his ear. "It hurts so much."

He understood.

* * *

Later that afternoon, as the icy wind ruffled through his hair, he watched Riley approach the fresh grave. She had refused to watch, watch her sister be lowered into the cold earth. But now, now she had a final goodbye to say.

She knelt with a painful elegance, a hideous beauty, before the square of brown soil, out of place in a field of green, and placed a single rose, the color of death itself upon the grave of a child. She lingered in that place silent and reflective as the wind whispered softly about her. None disturbed her, but one watched, watched her final parting. And then she stood again with grieved dignity and refinement, and whispered one last word to the winds. "Farewell, Mackenzie."

A.N.: And review please :)


	9. chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter Dammit. Get it through your hear.**

A.N.: Alrighty she's done, finally I must add. Sorry to anyone who was actually waiting for this, but I really have been busy. I got a job:) I'm the newest bus girl at Houston Pizza! But on the down side my work hours are greatly cutting into my writing time, so there may be a lot of down time between chapters now. Really sorry, but I will try to write as fast as I can. There's not much else I can do. I guess we will all just learn how to deal. But anyway enough chatter. This chapter is done, so enjoy. And don't forget to leave me a nice big fat long review. Long ones help me to write better, because then I actually feel like I am writing this for somebody. Anyway Peace out all! Happy readings!

Oh, and the songs in there are of course by the lovely Sarah McLachlan. I don't own them either. She does, but I hope you enjoy them all the same.

And if you want something to listen to while reading this, I suggest Taking Back Sunday and Alexisonfire to set the right mood, I suppose. That's all I have been listening to lately. I'm not picky about songs. Tha is all.

Chapter 9

Sirius stared down at his plate again that night, touching nothing. If anything his appetite had receded farther since the previous night. Silence clung tight to the table and it was apparent as to why. Riley's chair stood empty, her plate bare. She had not graced any with her presence since the funeral earlier that day.

Mrs. Evans sighed loudly. "She's needs to eat," she said protectively for the third time that night. "She's going to get sick. "I'm going to bring her up something-"

"Emily please," cut in Mr. Evans. "What she needs, is time. It has only been a few hours since the funeral. She feels lost and isolated. She wants to be alone, she needs to be."

"But-" his wife began to protest.

"No," he replied. "She will come around. We just need give her, time."

Lily's mother looked as if she was about to speak again but this time she was silenced by Sirius. "He's right," he said quietly. "Please just leave her."

He had tried many times that day to talk to her, but for all the response he got it may have been easier to talk to her door, which she would not open. He had heard her crying as he had stood outside, and he heard the sounds of destruction and she tried to deal with her grief. He knew his company would not help her, but he wished it would.

Silence dominated once more as only the subdued noise of utensils scraping across plates was heard. Sirius finally pushed his plate away. He was beginning to detest meal times.

"How did it happen?" he suddenly let out and all three Evans' looked to him.

"How did what happen, dear?" questioned Lily's mother.

"Mackenzie," he replied. "What happened to her? How did she…how, did it happen? Am I the only who has noticed that nobody seems eager to tell Riley that?"

"Well…" began Mr. Evans. "Well it's not exactly the easiest thing to tell."

"What do you mean?" Sirius questioned sharply. "Don't you think she has a right to know?"

"Sirius dear," said Mrs. Evans, "calm down. It's just that, well, it's hard, and Riley isn't exactly herself, right now."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he questioned again. "She deserves to know."

"And she will know, Sirius," Lily said then. "She just needs time to digest all that has happened."

"So once she's okay again you can rip open old wounds," he said strongly. His words rang out passionately as everyone took them in. His three counterparts stared back at him, examining him and trying to pick out and grasp his intentions. "I'll do it," he said suddenly breaking the thick silence. "I'll tell her."

They all looked to him with indecisive eyes. He knew how much they loved her, but he could not understand their reasoning. She needed to know, to grieve properly, she needed to know.

"Tell me," Sirius said quietly letting the anger seep into his voice.

"Why?" Mr. Evans replied his own voice rising in anger. "So you can run up there and tell her everything? So you can hurt her more?"

"That's not fair," Sirius replied heatedly. "It's not fair to hide this from her!"

"Who are you to decide what is fair and what is right for her?" Henry Evans stood up from his chair and leaned across the table to capture Sirius in his enraged gaze.

"I am someone who cares about her, who cares enough about her not to lie!" he growled at his elder rival. "I care enough to tell her what she needs to hear."

"And why does she need to hear it, now? Hear it from you?" Mr. Evans shot back.

"She needs to know," Sirius snarled. "And you're all too scared to tell her. You rather leave her in the dark, leave her alone…Well she doesn't need to be alone! She needs support and love, not lies…she needs family…" He trailed off as he said the last word, knowing how close it hit both him and Riley.

A few moments of silence ensued before Mr. Evans spoke again. "So then why are you here?" he scowled protectively. "Why do you care?"

"Dad, please stop," Lily said quietly from her chair, trying to restrain her father. He was normally so calm and composed. He rarely, if ever, fought with any, in fact Lily could not remember seeing her father fight with anyone else, ever. It was a mark as to how much this death really and truly upset him, unraveled him, wounded him.

Sirius stared back at his opponent livid with rage and hurt. He would not break at this old man's words. He would not lose this battle. "I'm here because I care for her more than anybody else, even you…I'm here because I love her." His voice was low and quiet. The truth of his sentence was driven deep into all who heard.

Mr. Evans looked back at the boy staring back at him. His long dark hair fell into his eyes, a determined gray. His handsome face was set strong and proud as if it didn't know defeat. In his eyes was an intensity, a fierceness, that he had only glimpsed once before, in Riley's eyes. And as he stared back at the Marauder dubbed Padfoot, the boy who had been known all too well for the mischief he had caused, he, Henry Evans knew that he was looking into the face of a man, and a man worthy of claiming love. And that realization, that thought, did not cool the heated anger flowing through the old man's veins. It infuriated him more, fueled his resentment, because he knew then that, he was no longer needed.

"You want to know what happened to Mackenzie?" he shot harshly at Sirius. "She was killed."

"Killed?" Sirius repeated feeling the same dumbfounded comprehension dawn on him as he had the day before.

"She was at a birthday party, with her friends. Nobody could have seen it coming," Lily's father continued, the fury finally leaking out of his voice, being replaced by grief. He sighed deeply, showing his age, and continued. "The police found their van. It was in a ditch on and old road just out of town…they were all still inside, all still wearing party hats…all, dead."

"Henry?" Mrs., Evans said quietly seeing the look of subconscious repulsion, limitless melancholy, on the face of her husband.

He continued as if he hadn't heard her. "There wasn't a mark on the van…there wasn't a mark on any of them. Not one sign of an accident or struggle of any sort…not one sign of death…just a look of fear, of terror, on each of their faces, each one of their young innocent faces…"

The room was veiled with silence. The whole world seemed to have to have quieted itself in memoriam to Mackenzie, who had been taken so viciously from the world. Not one person had the heart to say anything. It was so cruel, so utterly and sickeningly cruel. Death in itself is cruel, but this, this had no words to describe it.

Sirius felt disgusted at the brutality of it. He was revolted, appalled, ashamed in that moment to be a wizard, for he knew that those children had been taken at the hands of one. One more cruel, more heartless, more merciless than any other: Lord Voldemort.

A restrained cry was heard from the doorway. All eyes turned. Riley was framed there, in the light spilling out into the hall. She had heard everything.

Her face was formed into a look of utter sorrow, exposed and raw, pain in its purest form. She held a look to her eye that screamed that she was being tortured from the inside out. It was unbearable. It was ruthless. It was, cruel.

"Riley!" exclaimed her aunt, but Riley shook her head slightly as she tried to approach.

"Riley please," said Lily gently, "please come and eat something. We can talk about it. It will be okay."

She shook her head harder. "No," she said hardly above a whisper, angst flooding her words. "No it won't be alright." Tears began to stream down her face. "You lied to me!" she cried. "You didn't tell me! She was my sister, _my _sister!"

"Riley," her uncle said finally looking at her with the same pain that her eyes held. "I meant to tell you, I really did. I just didn't want to see you…hurt."

Her face was like ice, bitter and cold. "Liar," she hissed and turned away, away from them all. She ran as fast as she could from the dining room, from the cruelty, and took refuge in her room, her sanctuary, her loneliness.

But she would not be alone. Sirius followed.

She didn't see him enter, her face buried in a pillow. But she heard him, his gently footsteps, steady breathing. She felt his weight sink into her bad and his comforting touch as his hand brushed her head. She looked up and met his hardened eyes, and in them she saw softness and love, the love that she had denied so long before.

He did not speak but took her face in his hands, and looked into the very depths of her eyes. It was as if he was convincing her, willing her, forcing her to be okay. She felt his intention, his love in that gaze, and through it, felt the pain. She felt the tears she had been eluding break her hold. She felt them fall from her eyes. She felt her body begin to tremble in its grief. She felt her weakness come upon her again.

Sirius saw her weakness, and embraced it, embraced her. He took her into his arms as he had so many times before, and held her in her misery. And gently he sang, so softly, as she wept. The words came to him from nowhere, or perhaps from a song he had heard once. But then, in that moment they were his, his to give as a gift of solace.

"_I will remember you_

_Will you remember me?_

_Don't let your life pass you by_

_Weep not for the memories_

_Remember the good times that we had_

_Let them slip away from us when things got bad_

_Clearly I first saw you smiling in the sun_

_Want to feel your warmth upon me _

_I want to be the one_

_Too afraid to love you more afraid to lose_

_Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose_

_Where once there was a darkness, a deep and endless night_

_You gave me everything you had you gave me life_

_I will remember you_

_Will you remember me?_

_Don't let your life pass you by_

_Weep not for the memories_"

The tender notes that lightly touched her ears stirred up an emotion deep set within her heart. It had been the same bitter sweet emotion that she had been fighting since laying eyes on the beaten Marauder that held her now. It was the love that had sprung up so suddenly in her damaged heart. It was the love she had convinced herself never could be, no matter how desperately she wanted it.

Sirius could hear his own voice silently filling the room. It seemed to bring a comfort to the ache that had lingered there for so long. He could feel the tears of the one in his arms slowly beginning to ease themselves. He could feel her steady breathing and the rhythmic drumming of her heart, as he rocked her. But most vividly, he could feel the love, pulsing through his body, wanting desperately to break out and claim what he sought, what he desired. And what he desired, was Riley.

"Please don't stop," she said softly after the silence had once again taken domination.

"What should I sing?" he questioned warmly.

"What ever you feel in your heart," she replied. And as she said it more words came to him.

"_Spend all your time waiting_

_For that second chance_

_For a break that would make it okay_

_There's always one reason_

_To feel not good enough_

_And it's hard at the end of the day_

_I need some distraction_

_Oh beautiful release_

_Memory seeps from my veins_

_Let me be empty_

_And weightless and maybe_

_I'll find some peace tonight_

_In the arms of an angel_

_Fly away from here_

_From this dark cold hotel room_

_And the endlessness that you fear_

_You are pulled from the wreckage_

_Of your silent reverie_

_You're in the arms of the angel_

_May you find some comfort there_

_You're in the arms of the angel_

_May you find some comfort here._"

When the last word faded, silence moved in again. Not even tears broke it in its utter completeness. The whole world around them was soundless. It was blissful. They had each other and it that moment time and noise and pain were not real. Only love existed then.

"How are you feeling?" Sirius asked gently breaking the stillness.

"Truthfully," Riley replied, turning to face the one who held her heart, "kind of hungry."

She smiled weakly and he returned the suite. "I think your aunt and Lily would be very glad to hear that," he replied.

She smiled slightly again at that and turned to gaze out at the clear dark sky filling her window. Sirius watched her contemplative expression and she looked upon the stars high over head, silently mouthing the names of constellations to herself. And as he watched he may have said that she looked as though she was returning to normal, becoming Riley once more. But before he could even truly convince himself of that a dark look passed her lovely face, a look of fear and grief and regret.

"What's wrong?" he asked caringly.

"Mackenzie," she replied simply. "She's gone."

"I know," Sirius said softly placing a hand on her shoulder. "I know it hurts, but it will get better. It will get easier."

"It's so terrible," she began. "All of them gone. I had no idea." He saw her lips form the words he knew had been used, the words of ultimate hatred and evil, the words that had killed Mackenzie. "Avada Kedevra," she whispered.

"It was him," Sirius said discontentedly. "Another senseless killing by his followers."

"His followers," she whispered to herself. "Death Eater."

He nodded sadly to himself. "Death Eaters. There are so many now, and nobody knows who they are."

"Nobody knows," she repeated. "They could be anyone, even those you trusted most."

"I don't understand it," Sirius sighed. "It's all so senseless, all the murders, and blood, and pain. For what? For power? For purity? It's sickening."

She nodded jadedly. "She was so young, so unprepared," Riley said softly. "What if it hadn't been her…What if it had been us?"

"What are you talking about?" Sirius whispered in return.

"What if we had been taken instead?" she repeated. "Would you be ready to die?"

Sirius stared at her trying to discern what it was she was saying. He hadn't thought about death for a long time, not since he had escaped them, escaped his family. He contemplated her words and came up with his answer. "No." She looked at him inquiringly. He couldn't be ready to leave life yet, not now, now that he knew happiness, he knew friendship, he knew love.

"Me either," she said quietly. "A few days ago I would have given anything to be in Mackenzie's place...I would have sacrificed myself so she could have lived…and I nearly did…but not now. Now I want to live…I have too many regrets to make right, too many experiences left to have, I have too much to live for, to give up on life."

Sirius stared at her wondering what she was thinking about, why she was considering this. He knew how much it hurt. He knew that she had been thinking constantly of death for the past three days, but still it seemed to him that what she was offering him now was something more than confused feelings of mourning.

Silent minutes passed all too quickly as they sat in genial unison. Neither spoke but let the contentment of their friendship wash over them. Yet neither was content.

"Sirius," Riley said quietly as if still in deep thought.

He looked to her seeing something in her eyes that he had seen only once before.

"A few days ago, I lied to you," she continued uncertainly placing her words.

"What?" he questioned softly.

"I told you that, I couldn't…I didn't want…" she said slowly. "I…I can't keep lying to myself…to you. "

She gazed at him, nakedness leaking into her eyes. She was exposing herself to him, peeling away lies and hurt to show him her soul. "Sirius, I…I want to-"

He knew what she had been about to say, and it filled his heart with the happiness it had all but forgotten in the days that had passed. He placed a single finger across her smooth lips, and uttered a quiet shh. He didn't need to hear her words, for her had already heard her heart.

"It's okay," he whispered lovingly in her ear, drawing close to her. "I know. I have known all along. I love you Riley, more than you know."

She gazed longingly at him for a brief second, feeling his touch, his warming, beloved touch, and she knew she could be without him no longer. "I love you Sirius," she whispered into his own ear, feeling the endearing pulse of those words rush through her body and mind. "I always have. I want you to know that."

"I know," he whispered and then kissed her, feeling for only the second time what real love truly is. Her warm caressing lips on his own was like medicine, healing him of his many wounds, giving him back life and hope. He felt passion and delight rush through his veins exhilarating him like nothing else could. He felt joy returning to him, joy and bliss like nothing else. He felt love, the one thing that could heal all and make things right again. It was the sweetest, most affectionate, and random thing in the world, and love had finally won the hearts of the two people in the world who had been fighting it most.

He gently laid her down stroking her hair passionately. Her arms were around his neck holding him close, holding him tight, as if to never let him go again. Seconds passed and formed into minutes, but they were oblivious to time and place. They were oblivious to everything, everything but each other.

And when they finally pulled apart, unwillingly breaking their kiss, but not their love, Sirius laid his head gently upon her breast and heard the rapid beating of her heart. Her chest rose and fell steadily in its quest to gain oxygen. The rhythmic movement of it, sound of it brought him a peace and serenity that he had never felt before. Nothing in his seventeen years of life could ever compare to that moment of soundless happiness as he lay with the one he loved.

"I want to stay like this forever," Riley whispered, for a whisper was loud enough. "I want to be with you forever."

"Don't worry," he whispered back turning to find her lips again, "because I won't ever leave you."

And as nighttime crept inside and found them where they lay, sleep took them in loving embrace, an embrace that would not break until morning's light found them.

The next day they returned to Hogwarts. In Kings Cross Station Lily, Riley and Sirius said their goodbyes to the Evans'.

Sirius watched as Riley was embraced by her aunt in much the same fashion as she had been two days prior.

"Take care dear," Mrs. Evans said quietly to her niece.

"I will," Riley nodded as she was released.

She then found herself facing her uncle and felt a heavy regret plaguing her heart. She walked to him looking straight into his somber eyes. Tears did not come to her own eyes this time. She was finished crying. This time though, words came to her., words that had to be said, to make amends.

"I'm sorry," she said solemnly breaking his gaze and looking to the ground. "I was so messed up…I didn't mean any of what I said and, and you've done so much for me already, I don't deserve any of it-"

"Shhh," her uncle replied silencing her and lifting her chin in his hands. "I know, and I'm sorry too. We have all suffered, but you, you have suffered the most, and that is what you don't deserve, more pain."

He smiled at her gently. She looked into his eyes once more and saw something. She saw her father looking out at her. She smiled back, truly appreciating him as her uncle, her father's brother.

He then pulled her into a loving embrace. "I love you Riley, don't forget that. Things will get bad but I will always love you."

"Thank you," she whispered. "I love you too."

And then he released her, though it pained his heart to do it. He knew she belonged to another now.

Sirius somehow found himself once again in the bone crushing arms of Emily Evans as well. "Takes care dear," she said with the motherly persona he had come to know so very well.

"I will," he replied feeling his legs go numb. "Don't worry."

"Emily, I think you're crushing the poor boy," her husband said with a short chuckle. "Let him go already."

Lily too smiled at the comment, and Sirius found a grin forming on his face as well once he had been released. "Thank you for everything Mrs. Evans," he said sincerely.

"Of course dear," she replied kindly. "It was my pleasure."

Finally he found himself facing Henry Evans as Riley had before him. He saw the same grave eyes staring back at him and the expression to match them.

"Sirius," he said quietly stepping forward and taking the young man's hand in his firm grasp. "Please take care of her."

Sirius took in those words and placed them close to his heart. They were more than just a parting exchange, or a statement of trust. This was a blessing from the man Riley had taken as her father. And Sirius knew he would honor them loyally.

"I will," he replied candidly. "Trust me."

Mr. Evans nodded in reply and said, "I do."

And with a final handshake the two men defined their contract and parted. And with a final wave of farewell the three students had disappeared through the barrier dividing so much more than platforms nine and ten.

They last of the cool November sun illuminated the platform as the train pulled to a stop. A slight wind shook the trees around the tiny village and ruffled the hair of the three lone inhabitants of the deserted platform where they stood waiting.

"There," said Remus pointing. "They're coming."

James and Summer nodded. They had all been worried since word had come of Mackenzie's death. They had had no news of the funeral or of their friends, and after the incident in the lake, all of their hearts held a slight fear. They watched as three somber faces emerged from the carriage closet to them. And those same three faces broke into content grins at the sight of their missed friends.

"James," sighed Lily as his arms found her. "I missed you so much."

"Me too," he whispered lovingly into her ear.

Sirius smiled at them behind Lily's back. James saw and smiled too. When he let Lily out of his arms he walked to his friend and they embraced warmly for a moment.

"Padfoot," he said happily. "Glad to see you."

"You too, Prongs," Sirius replied just as merrily.

Riley too found herself being encased in someone's grasp. Summer had pulled her into a hug and said softly, "Oh, Riley, I'm so sorry. Are you alright?"

"I'm okay," she replied lightly. "Well, no, I guess I'm not really…but, I-I'll be okay."

The others smiled slightly, seeing a glimpse of the old Riley returning to her.

"I missed you," Summer said as she released her friend. "I was so worried."

"We all were," Remus added gently taking her in his own arms.

"Thank you," she whispered softly, "all of you, for coming down here."

"We love you Riley," he replied quietly speaking for all as they nodded, "we'd do anything for you."

"I know," she whispered softly. "So would I."

In that brief moment she felt a profound rush of gratitude toward all who were gathered there. She loved them. She loved her friends. Never had she felt loyalty like that which bound them. Never had she felt companionship like that which they offered her. She had never been closer to any, save those who were gone from her. She felt secure and loved and accepted in their presence. She knew the feeling was mutual. Remus' words rang true in her heart. She would do anything for any one of them. They were her friends.

She felt a few solitary tears form in her eyes and knew that they were not tears of grief. Those which spilled lightly from her eyes and ran down her cheeks then, were tears of contentment and sanctity. She was happy. For the first time in what seemed like years, she was happy.

She felt Sirius' hand in her own. She looked up to find that they were all gazing at her concernedly. "Are you okay?" he whispered gently.

She smiled weakly, for the first time in days. "I'm okay," she whispered in reply. "I have you guys. I know I'll be okay."

Sirius smiled slightly at her, knowing what she meant. He pulled her in tight to his chest and felt her warm tears brush against his cheek. Her warm breath tickled his ear slightly as she smiled into his shoulder. He loved her more than anything. And in that moment he knew he never wanted to see her hurt again.

"Let's go back to Hogwarts," she whispered in his ear.

"Let's go home," he offered.

She drew her head from his shoulder and smiled. He saw her eyes for a brief moment, and he knew she was finally happy. He could see the deep love they housed, the love she held for him. "Yes," she replied. "Let's go home." Then she brought her lips lightly to his own.

"When did this happen?" they heard James hiss inquiringly behind them.

Lily shrugged smiling.

When they broke apart and turned back to their friends, Riley said with a grin, "Let's go back up to the castle."

They others looked both relived and confused, but agreed nonetheless. They were contented to see their friends smiling again. The Marauders, Lily and Summer, all turned away from the train and the empty station and headed back toward the school, that had been so missed. They knew they were going home, and Hogwarts had a way of making everything okay in the end.

Things returned to normal as November opened up before them and the weeks began to pass. Riley, Sirius and Lily returned to their classes and the Marauders were heard holding band practice again. Needless to say, in the days after their return from London, an abundance of songs poured forth from both Riley and Sirius. The band had no shortage of music to practice.

But perhaps most prominently, and most importantly according to James, the Marauders were seen on the quidditch pitch, practicing. They held daily practices now so close to their first match of the season. Weather, they soon found out, was not a valid reason to cancel a practice, nor was sickness, homework, detentions, full moons, or sleep. James refused to call off regular training sessions even when the wind had reached gale force and nearly knocked one of the third year beaters, Matt Jacobs from his broom. Most nights the team did not amble up to bed before midnight.

But Gryffindor's chances were looking better with each tiring practice. The team was flying superbly and was getting stronger and faster daily. Sirius, Remus and Jeffery Laine looked like red and gold blurs as they sped back and forth across the pitch, and Riley had seldom let in a goal since she had joined the team. James of course could catch the snitch faster than anyone for a hundred years and had perfected the Wronski Feint almost on his first try. The beaters, Jacobs and Annsely, were performing wonderfully, and made controlling the bludgers look like child's play. The team had acquired a thirst for success and as the first match, Gryffindor versus Slytherin, approached quickly, it looked as though they would achieve that which they sought.

"Nice save, Riley," called Remus as she easily plucked the quaffle out of the air and threw it to him.

"Thanks," she replied.

"That's my girl!" Sirius called with a smile.

"We know," said James exasperatedly as he circled overhead. "We've heard, _we've_ _seen. _I think the whole school is aware of your relationship."

"I take pride in that," Sirius replied haughtily.

"What?" asked James curiously. "The fact that everybody knows all of the intimate details of your life?"

"No," he replied with a wide grin, "that we are the hottest couple at Hogwarts. We're the center of attention. Everyone loves us. We're practically famous."

"You always did like the spot light, didn't you Sirius?" Remus chuckled casually.

"Yeah, remember that time in third year when he tried to wear nothing but his knickers to breakfast," James reminisced.

"I think McGonagall enjoyed that," Sirius put in. "Never seen her go that red before."

"I think it was from lack of oxygen," laughed Remus. "She so busy yelling at you that she had quite forgotten to breathe."

"She was a bit mixed up, though," Sirius said. "The whole time she was yelling that it was inappropriate to wear boxers in the communal parts of the school, but when I tried to take them off she just yelled louder."

"Dear God, I love an idiot," Riley sighed as she flew over from in front of the goal posts.

"Are you referring to me?" Sirius questioned putting on an act of naiveté.

"No, McGonagall," she answered sarcastically.

"Oh," replied Sirius. "I thought you were talking about me for a minute there. Well, McGonagall is pretty hot, but not my cup of tea, if you know what I mean."

"Urgh!" proclaimed Remus. "Really? That's quite disturbing, Padfoot."

"What, you haven't yet glimpsed the stunning good looks of our lovely Transfiguration teacher?" Sirius questioned.

"Can't say that I have," James answered as Remus nearly shouted no.

"My, we are a bit touchy about the subject," Sirius teased him. "Been spending too many detentions with her have you, Moony?"

"I'm a prefect remember," Remus tapped his badge warningly. "I don't get detentions, I give them."

"Is that a threat?" asked Sirius.

"Actually-" Remus began but stopped short when the quaffle bounced suddenly off of his head. "Ow," he muttered as Jeffery Laine and the two beaters flew over to join their circle.

"What's the hold up?" Laine asked impatiently. "I thought we were practicing."

"We were," put in Sirius. "We had just stopped to discuss Remus' deep infatuation with McGonagall."

"Really?" questioned Laine. "You find her attractive? Got a thing for older women, eh?" He smirked widely.

"Sirius, I'm going to murder you," Remus muttered loudly.

Sirius smiling said, "Not until after the match you won't. You'd never win with only two chasers, and not to mention my good looks."

James near by was laughing. "Alright, alright! Back to work everybody. What we need is practice. Oh and Remus, you can murder him if you like, but after the match if you please. He's right. We can't win with only two chasers."

Play resumed again as the chasers, Sirius in the lead with the quaffle, shot up the pitch toward Riley, circling almost leisurely around the three goal posts. He smiled widely at her as he approached. She wore a confident smirk that succeeded in making his heart glow with affection.

"Ready, Riley?" he called when he was nearly ten feet away.

"Take your best shot!" she replied assertively.

He grinned and threw the quaffle hard at the far right post. He watched as she dived for it and caught it easily in her outstretched hands.

"You don't have to go easy on me, because I'm your girlfriend, you know," she smiled as she flew to his side.

"Easy?" he retorted. "I thought that was a great shot. No other keeper would have been able to stop it."

"Only the best," Riley agree. "Like me."

Sirius smiled as he flew around her and took a practice shot through the empty middle goal post. "Well, you're probably not the _best_," he joked sardonically as he flew close to her again, "but I guess you will have to do."

"I will have to do?" she questioned sharply. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"I was simply commenting on the abundance of talented keepers in the world," he replied charmingly. "You just cannot be the best, despite what you think."

"Oh I can't?" she shot.

"Nope," he said simply.

"Are you insulting me keeping skills?" she questioned. "Because, might I remind you, that you have scored a grand total of three goals against me this year, while I have stopped almost every one of your shots. So unless you want to play to see who is better-"

"Hold on," Sirius interrupted. "For the record are you challenging me, or threatening me?"

"Challenging," she replied haughtily. "If I was threatening, I would threaten to never let you kiss me again."

"You wouldn't," he dared.

"I would," she smirked.

"Now Riley you know that would punish you just as much as me," he smiled in reply.

"Nope," she answered simply. "I have will power."

"Will power," he snorted drawing very close to her. "I bet you couldn't go twenty four hours without wanting to kiss me?"

"Twenty four?" she laughed. "I could as easily go three days."

"Well I could go four days," he rivaled.

"Five," she answered his challenge. Quite suddenly though all of their taunting was brought to an abrupt stop as Sirius' lips closed over her own.

"It's been about ten seconds, hasn't it?" he questioned as he pulled away for a brief moment.

She nodded. "About." And she kissed him again.

"Hey, hey! Break it up!" called James from across the pitch. "This is quidditch practice, not a snogging session."

They ignored him.

Later that night Riley and Sirius sat alone in the empty heads common room. The room was lit dimly by a warm orange glow spilling from the fireplace. The flickering of the flame reflected on the walls and on the faces of the pair as they worked together perfecting yet another song.

"How about, '_Now that you're gone,_ _I can't see the sunlight. All I feel is the rain, and the endless cold of night_'?" questioned Sirius singing that proposed lyric.

"Yeah," Riley agreed, "I like that and I think there should be an acoustic guitar in there though, playing chords in E minor through the verses."

Sirius smiled as she strummed the chords. "Sounds good," he agreed, "but how about a break. We've been working for hours."

"It's been half an hour," Riley replied looking at the clock on the wall.

"Oh," Sirius said looking too, to see if she was correct. "Well it feels like longer."

She smiled. "I could go for a break though."

"Good he replied. "I was hoping you'd say that." He got up and put aside his guitar. Riley did the same and they slid down from their seats on the edge of the stage and sat again on the couch in front of the cozy fire. Riley rested her head gently against his breast and he wrapped his arms snuggly around her.

"So how are you feeling?" he asked lovingly. "About Mackenzie, I mean. It has only been a couple of weeks."

She sighed slightly. "Okay I guess. Sometimes I'm so caught up with school and quidditch and, and you, that I don't really have time to think about it…but when I'm alone, I-I can't get her face out of my head. And sometimes, I don't want to…I don't want to forget her Sirius."

He kissed the top of her head sweetly. "You won't forget her," he comforted. "You loved her too much to forget. She'll always be with you, whether you know it or not. She's in your heart and in your memories. She's here Riley, even now."

Riley uttered a short chuckle.

"What?" Sirius asked. "Was that too cheesy?"

"Just a bit," she smiled.

He chuckled too. "I thought it might be. But really Riley, you don't think you would actually forget her do you?"

She looked at him for a brief moment, catching his eyes, deep and warm. "No," she answered quietly, "I couldn't." She settled back into his shoulder and let silence engulf for a few moments.

Sirius smiled lightly to himself as he held on to her. He loved her so much. Every time he looked at her and saw her lovely face, her intense eyes, he could feel his heart fill with happiness and passion. He had never felt anything like it before. With other girls, it hadn't ever been like that. He would get bored, tired of them after a few days or weeks. He could never have stayed with any of them. But now he felt excitement. He felt love. He felt a longing desire to be with Riley always. When he wasn't with her, he would dream about her. Even just to see her would be enough. And when he was with her, it was bliss, pure and real delight. He loved her so much he didn't know how he endured life before her. Without her there was no joy in life.

"Sirius," she said lightly, pulling him from his peaceful thoughts. "What would you do if we got married?"

"Married?" he replied softly. "Is that a proposal?"

She smiled casually. "No," she replied. "Just what if. What would it be like if we could spend the rest of our lives together?"

"It would be, amazing," he answered truthfully after a moment. "A dream come true."

"Like a fairy tale," she added passionately. "We could have a wedding with our friends and family."

"And after, I can figure out how to get you out of your dress and we can-"

"Not if you don't stop right where you are," she laughed turning to face him.

"And then we can go on our honeymoon," he whispered and then gently kissed her lips. "We could go anywhere and see anything."

"But it wouldn't matter where," she replied looking into the depth of is eyes. "As long as we were together, it would be incredible."

"And we could come home and live wherever we wanted, together," Sirius continued softly.

"And we could have a family," she whispered.

"Little Marauders," he agreed tenderly. "And they would go off to Hogwarts and learn all sorts of things, and start a band, and play pranks, and sneak out at night-"

Riley placed a single finger on his lips. "And fall in love," she whispered.

"Of course," he smiled in reply and kissed her passionately again.

"What would we name them?" she asked as his lips retreated.

Sirius gazed at her for a moment. "I don't know."

"How about Sarah for a girl," she replied "or Breanne?"

"I like them," he smiled. "And a boy could be Andrew or Jordan, or Sirius Jr."

"Or Harry," she added after a moment.

"Harry," he repeated softly.

"It's always been my favorite," she explained. "I guess I just always imagined that if I had a son, he would be Harry."

Sirius smiled lovingly at her. "Harry it is," he agreed wholeheartedly. "It's a perfect name."

She grinned widely. "Thank you," she whispered hugging him tightly. "That means a lot to me…Harry was my dad's middle name."

"Anything to see you smile," he whispered back.

She sank back into his warm arms feeling nothing but the utter bliss of love. Sirius completed her some how. He made her smile and laugh. He made her feel warm and cherished. He made her happy, even then, when she had forgotten happiness. She didn't have to think about her father anymore, or Mackenzie. She could finally forget death and dwell on more pleasant things. She could forget about the past and live, live her life, make a new future. She could make a future that she could never have imagined before, so full of love and passion. A future with Sirius, it would be more than anything that she had ever wished for.

"We could do it, you know," he whispered gently breaking the silence. "We could get married."

She turned to face him, her face inquiring, yet longingly so. "How?" she asked quietly, not why. She already knew why. She didn't have to ask.

"Well," he began, "we're in seventh year. In a few months we leave school. I've got quite a bit of money put away that I inherited from my uncle…We could have the wedding of our dreams, the honeymoon, the house…we could have little Harry…"

She smiled as he reached the last part. With each word that slid off his tongue and over his sweet lips, her heart grew with lust, the lust to go through with what he was saying, to be spontaneous and crazy and live in that very moment. And in that moment, that moment as they sat together talking of marriage as if it was nothing more than band practice, she wanted nothing more to be his wife, to be Mrs. Sirius Black, to spend her life with him.

"We could do it," she whispered.

Sirius smiled widely. He knew he must have lost his sanity somewhere. How could he possibly be thinking of marriage? He had never even managed to keep a girlfriend for longer than a month. But not now, not Riley. He knew in the very depths of his heart, his mind, his very soul, that she was different. She was, the one, his soul mate, that one he was meant to spend his life with. She was the one who would make him a father, yell at him for wearing his shoes in the house and leaving the toilet seat up. She was the one who was going to be his wife. He knew he wanted nothing more in life. Just to have her, forever, would be more than a dream come true, or happily ever after. He couldn't describe it, it just was…love.

He pulled her in tight to his body. Holding her close like that was like nothing else. Her warm breath was on his ear. "I love you," she breathed. He caught and held every word.

"I love you too," he whispered back passionately. "I will forever…I promise."

Their lips met again, tenderly and lovingly. They both knew what they really wanted, and that, was each other.

A.N.: Aaannnddd review…


	10. Chapter 10

Alright all…I am so so so so sorry. It has been way to long. And if I were to tell you just exactly what has kept me from writing these past months, the list would be about as long as this chapter. So I beg you to forgive me and please enjoy this chapter. And I am quite happy to say that there is no more procrastinating about revealing some of the secrets I have been keeping. So if there is anyone out there still interested in my useless story, then here you go, please review, and expect a new chapter as soon as I can get it up. I love you all.

Chapter 10: The truth unveiled

The next morning they woke with sheets of music still scattered about them. They lay peacefully still on the couch beside the fireplace. The clear morning light crept in to wake them gently from their sleep. Yet the bright sun upon their shut lids was not what woke them. It was James, thundering down the steps on his way to breakfast, which pulled them violently from slumber.

"You two still sleeping?" he questioned as Sirius pulled a blanket up over his head. "It's nearly noon."

"It's also a Saturday," Sirius muttered drowsily. "Go away."

"Can't," James replied.

"If you don't I'll hex you," Riley threatened groggily.

"Sorry but if I leave, you two will go back to sleep, and miss my quidditch practice," he answered.

"So?" Sirius questioned.

"So I'm here to get you up and off to breakfast," James replied merrily.

"Oh goody," Riley didn't bother to hide her sarcasm.

"I thought you might see it that way," James said over looking it. "Come on, up." He took their blanket away first and then their pillow. After a few minutes he was threatening to take away Sirius' pants.

"Alright, we're up!" roared Sirius eventually. "Get off! We'll be down in a few minutes."

"Good," replied James looking quite satisfied. "I'll be waiting." And he walked cheerfully from the room, humming a tuneless melody.

"Idiot," muttered Sirius as he sat up rubbing his eyes. "Getting us up, at this hour…"

"H-h-how, can he be so cheery this early in the morning?" Riley questioned stifling a yawn.

"No idea," Sirius replied, "but he did it all last summer. I swear the only time I got a decent lie in was when his mother threatened to take away his broomstick if he didn't let me sleep. Wonderful woman, really don't know what I would have done without her. And the way he snores, well that is another story."

Riley smiled. "You two really are best friends, aren't you?"

"The very best," he replied knowing the truth in those words. "I don't know where I would be without James."

She gave him an understanding look. "I know," she whispered and leaned in for a kiss.

He placed a finger across her lips. "Not now," he smiled rather reluctantly.

"Why?" she retorted.

"Because you know once we get started there's no telling when we will stop," he replied truthfully, "and unless you want dear old James walking in on us…"

"Good point," she nodded. "Well should we go down to breakfast then?"

"I suppose we have to," he answered smiling.

"But we can be a _few _minutes late, can't we," she pressed with a smile.

He grinned back, his resolve softening. "I guess it is decent to be a bit fashionably late," he pretended to contemplate.

"I thought you might see it my way," Riley replied before she found his lips.

Nearly and hour later they ambled, clothed and ready for quidditch practice, into the great hall.

"'Bout time," greeted Remus looking down at his watch. "James nearly had a fit."

"Good morning to you too," Sirius replied. "I thought that lock up charm might come in handy one day. Kept him out of our business it did."

"Well now thanks to you, we will be practicing quidditch until one o'clock in the morning," Remus retorted.

"So it will be like ever other day," Riley smiled.

"Yeah," Remus agreed, "pretty much."

"So where has Prongs gotten off to anyway?" Sirius asked spreading jam on his toast.

"Gone down to the pitch," Lily explained. "Said he ought to go prepare as two of his players were still tucked away in bed."

"I suppose he is drawing up more plays and strategies then?" Riley put out, though not happily.

"I sure hope not," Sirius commented. "That last ones nearly put me to sleep. I'm beginning to think that boy has developed an unhealthy obsession."

"With quidditch," Lily questioned. "He's always been like that."

"No," Sirius answered, "with winning. I think he might just kill himself if we lose this match."

"Very possible," agreed Riley. "I guess it's lucky then that we're going to win."

"I hope so," agreed Remus, "at least for Lily's sake."

"Yes please win, because I might just end up killing myself if I have to live with his sulking. Oh, and Riley, you missed the post. You've had a letter."

"From who?" Riley replied taking the envelope from her cousin and scanning it mildly in her hands.

"I don't know," Lily replied. "There's no name and I didn't recognize the owl."

"Weird," Riley muttered as she torn at the parchment and Lily nodded. She unfolded the note carefully and read what was written.

"What's up?" Sirius asked as he watched Riley's eyes travel the length of the page.

She didn't answer right away but stared at the parchment as if trying to discern exactly what it was that she was reading.

"Riley?" Sirius prodded again.

"Huh?" she mumbled distractedly.

"The letter," Sirius repeated, "what does it say?"

"Wha-oh," she let out finally tearing her eyes away from the words of it. "Nothing really. Just a note from your mom, Lily. I've left my toothbrush at home. She's going to send a new one."

Three sets of questioning eyes stared back at her.

"That's all," Remus said unsurely. He too had seen the sudden look that had taken over her face as she has read that note.

"Yup, that's all," she answered shortly.

The intensity of curiosity became stronger among them.

"Anyway guys," she said after a moment of smiling awkwardly up at them, "I've got to go for a minute. I…um…forgot my, er, potions essay upstairs. Be back in a few minutes."

With a curt wave and fleeting smile she jumped to her feet and began to walk from the hall.

"Riley?" Lily called after her.

She didn't turn back.

"What?" questioned Sirius as he too watched her receding back.

"Well," Lily replied, "it's just that…she was brushing her teeth this morning."

Meanwhile just a few floors above Riley was entering a rather familiar office at the top of a spiraling staircase hidden behind a stone gargoyle. She knocked twice before entering the brightly lit chamber.

"Professor?" she said seeing the loving face that she had known and trusted for years.

"Riley," Albus Dumbledore said in greeting as if to an old friend. "I trust that everything is okay."

She nodded slightly. "Yes…well actually…"

"Yes?" he questioned serenely yet with an air of fervent concern, that none could comprehend.

She looked at him meeting his eyes, the eyes she knew so well. "It's happened Albus." And she held out the letter she had just received.

* * *

"Hey," Sirius said as he saw Riley sitting on her bed.

"Hi," she smiled looking up at him as she slipped a piece of parchment discreetly into her pocket.

"What's that?" he questioned just as subtly.

"Nothing," she lied as she kissed him gently.

"Are you sure?" he got out as he enjoyed the work of her warm lips.

"Pretty sure, yeah," she replied breaking off and gazing charmingly at him.

He returned the suite seeing he would get no where and knowing she would confide in him, if he need be worried.

"You missed practice," he put in instead.

Her mouth formed into a slight o of remembrance. "Oh shit," she said realizing her mistake. "I totally forgot. James was angry then?"

Sirius grinned. "No."

She gave him a wry look.

"Well maybe a bit," he corrected himself.

"That sounds more like James," Riley sighed. "I suppose I ought to go apologize."

"Yeah, I guess," Sirius said with a note that said quite audibly that he didn't want her to leave just yet.

She made to get up from the bed. He reached for her hand and tugged her back down. "Riley?"

She looked mildly at him. "Yeah?"

He hesitated for just a moment. "This morning, that letter…" She raised an eyebrow. "What was that all about?"

Her quizzical look lifted a fraction. "I told you," she smiled warmly. "It was just from Lily's mom. Stupid really. I was so distracted I didn't even realize I had left it there."

Sirius continued to look uncertain.

"Sirius," Riley proclaimed, "why are you looking at me like that? I promise it's nothing."

She kissed him sweetly on the cheek and jumped to her feet. "Sorry, but I really have to go talk to James. I'll talk to you later. I promise."

And with a final smile she walked from the room.

* * *

A few days later Sirius found himself seated at Gryffindor table again. The morning light gaily illuminated the breakfast laid out before him. He smiled widely as Riley passed him the orange juice. He had all but forgotten about a certain letter that had caught him off guard.

"Morning all," James greeted with his usual morning merriness. "Lovely day for Quidditch this is. What's for breakfast?"

"It's Monday," Remus remarked quite a bit less cheerily than his fellow Marauder.

"So it is," James replied as he piled his plate with a massive stack of pancakes.

"So we have classes," continued Remus.

"So we do," James agreed.

"So no Quidditch this morning," Remus made his point as if talking to a five year old who didn't quite understand.

"Oh." James looked crestfallen.

"It's alright love," Lily smiled. "I think a break might do you some good."

"Good! How could no Quidditch be good?" he exclaimed.

"Oh no," Riley smirked, "you got him started again Lils. He'll be going on like that all day now."

"Too bad he doesn't have an off switch," Sirius muttered.

"What's that supposed to mean?" James retorted as the loud rustle of hundreds of owls filled the hall.

"Mail's here!" Sirius announced loudly to cut off any further reprisals from James.

"I can see that," James muttered and turned to his breakfast.

Sirius chuckled and returned to his own breakfast piled high before him. He felt the soft wind of the many fluttering wings rustle his hair slightly. He enjoyed it, but did not look up. He had lost interest in the morning post long ago. Now it was nothing more than daily boring routine, a sure sing that the even worse boredom of class would soon follow.

"Hey, that owl is coming this way," Lily pointed.

Sirius found his monotony being tested for once. His eyes found their way to the bird Lily was motioning to. The large owl did indeed seem to be working its was through the commotion toward them. As it came closer Sirius saw that it was completely black, a rare characteristic among the owls in Britain. It flew with a haughty grace that stirred a dislike in him, before he realized it was stupid to be cynical of a bird.

It landed with pompous poise in front of a large jug of pumpkin juice, stuck out its leg, with a self-important hoot, and stared unpleasantly at the faces surrounding it. But nobody reached for the letter it bore, they all, like Sirius, were consumed by the pure oddity of it.

After a moment, Remus, regaining a sense of common sense, said, "Who's it for?"

James grabbed the bird, rather roughly, as its impression on Sirius had fallen over him as well, and untied the small smooth envelope. As soon as he was relieved of his duty, the puffed-up owl took flight again, making no bother to be neat. It knocked a plate of scrambled eggs to the floor as it heaved itself into flight once more. And as it wound its way from the hall, it left them all with a last reproachful stare, as its eyes glinted violet in the morning light.

"Weird," Sirius muttered.

"That's not a school owl is it?" questioned Remus, eyebrows raised, openly proclaiming his perplexity.

"I don't think so," James replied.

"I hope not," Lily added. "It looks like it's not against biting off an unsuspecting finger."

"I wonder who sent it?" Remus questioned aloud reminding all of why the owl had even bothered them.

"Right," said James and he turned his attention the parchment clutched in his hand. "Riley's," he proclaimed holding it up to show them all. He held it out to her.

She looked up weakly from her breakfast. She alone has resisted the spectacle that the owl had delivered. She didn't so much as peep up to see what had caused the fuss. It wasn't a big deal to her. Or she pretended that it wasn't.

Slowly, it seemed, she took the letter which had claimed her. A sudden twitch in her fingers was the only sign of uneasiness she gave. She turned it over in her hands carefully examining it.

"Hey," Lily suddenly let out a look of comprehension on her face. "I've seen that bird before."

Everyone's focus then found its way to her.

"Yeah," she continued. "That was the same owl that delivered your letter the other day, Riley."

"Huh?" her cousin looked up.

"That owl, Riley. It brought you the letter from mum," Lily repeated.

"Oh…must be a school owl then," was all Riley said in explanation. "Listen guys I've got to go."

"What?" Summer probed staring concernedly at her. "You've hardly touched your breakfast."

"Not hungry," she muttered standing as she spoke. "I'll see you guys in class."

Sirius grabbed her hand as she turned to leave. "But what about the letter?"

She gazed at him. Her eyes held a somewhat empty and glazed look.

"I'm sure it's nothing," she claimed calmly. And she pulled her wrist free and left them in sudden confusion once again.

It was a long moment before anyone spoke again.

"What was that about," James put out, a look of utter perplexity on his face.

"I don't know," Lily said quietly, not meeting anyone's eye.

"I think someone should go after her," Remus said sensibly yet with audible unease.

He himself made to get up but Sirius stopped him. "I'll go."

And as his words cut through the quiet it seemed for a moment that the air around them shook with indignation. Their faces were bent close to one another and it looked as though each in turn was debating fiercely whether to savagely tear the other limb from limb. The tension stretched becoming vicious as each of their hearts pulsed intensely in their chests.

And then, Remus nodded, signaling that Sirius had indeed spoken true. And it was over, all in less than a second; their furious battle had been fought and ended. None had noticed.

"Yes, you'd better go." Remus sat, his head hung low, not meeting any eyes.

Sirius said nothing. He turned and left just as silently as Riley had.

"Riley!" he called catching up to her halfway down a second floor corridor. "Riley!"

She turned. "Sirius?"

"Riley," he said taking hold of her hand. She made to pull away but in the process changed her mind.

"What?" she questioned, her plight to hide her irritation failing.

Sirius stared at her somewhat bewildered.

"What do you want, Sirius?" she prodded further, sounding as though she had little time to spare.

"You," he answered with an eyebrow raised. "What's up? Why did you rush out like that?"

Her face seemed to lighten for a second. "Sirius," she sighed. "I'm fine. I'm a big girl I can take care of my problems."

"What problems?" he interrogated confusion and frustration growing in him. "Why don't you ever want my help?"

Her lightness vanished in an instant. "I don't need your help," she scowled.

"Why not?" Sirius demanded feeling anger pulse at his veins. "You're obviously in way over your head; whatever it is you in to!"

In a second he saw her hand move, and in the next second she had struck him as hard as she could.

"You don't know what you're talking about," she snarled in a low rage-filled note. "You have no idea what's going on. So do us both a favor, and leave me the hell alone."

And she stormed off leaving him alone and regretful, his face stinging from her touch.

* * *

Sirius was miserable. Riley wouldn't speak to him. She simply walked past, not even acknowledging his existence. He didn't try to talk to her either. He knew he would end up with nothing but another hand print on his left cheek to match the one on his right. He would wait until that night, when he knew she would be calm. Then he would apologize.

He waited for her on her bed. Her absence in the common room told him that she had stayed late in the library finishing one piece of homework or another. He did not want to go to her there. He needed to ask her some important questions, with answers, he assumed, that would require more privacy than the library could offer.

As the hands on her beside clock indicated 9:17, Sirius began to wonder when she would return. Curfew for all students was 9:30 and if she has indeed been in the library then she would need to dispose of her books before seeking leisure time in the common room.

It was then that he noticed that the drawer in her beside table was not shut properly. A thick piece of parchment blocked its way. He could not say that curiosity had not gripped him since the day's earlier events, but he knew to invade Riley's privacy would hold far worse consequences. Yet as the time worked its way to 9:18 and then to 9:19 he found his hand lurking ever nearer to that small crack that may hold so many answers.

As 9:20 flashed he was pulling open the drawer and peering cautiously inside. Atop a pile of both new and used parchment sat something that made his heart skip a beat. It was a deep brown journal that had clearly written across the front, in a familiar neat hand, 'Riley Evans'."

He picked it up and felt his way over the cover and spine of the thick book and with a final breath and twinge of guilt he flipped open the book to a page near the front.

It was dated some years before.

_Today Dad gave me my first wand. He said it was his when he was younger. It was amazing. As soon as I touched it I felt a wonderful warm feeling spread through me. I loved it. I told him I'd use it to become an Auror just like him. He told me it was made by the finest wand maker in the world, Olivander, or something like that. He said that it was made back home…in Britain, and it was made of beech wood and phoenix feather. I miss home. Dad always tells me of Hogwarts. It sounds wonderful; though I'm sure I will never be able to go there. Mom says as long as the Ministry of Magic says we have to stay here in Canada…._

Sirius smiled gently. He too remembered his first wand. It was a defining moment.

He flipped ahead to a new page.

_Dad is gone again. He leaves so often now. I miss him so much. It's the Ministry…they are on his back all the time. He never gets a minute's peace anymore. Mom says it's all of this Vol…oops…you-know-who business. But if he's really so bad then why don't I know who he is. They say he's a terrible power hungry wizard, who kills for fun. I suppose he sounds pretty bad but then there should be more people out fighting him, not just my dad…._

Sirius skimmed ahead farther.

_Things are getting even worse. Mom is gone for days at a time too now. I don't know where she goes. I guess to help the Ministry against Voldemort and the Death Eaters. I'm not afraid to call him Voldemort. I haven't seen dad in weeks. Mackenzie and I are left home alone. Everywhere I look there are more muggle killings. Apparently it is worse in Britain. I hope Lily and Uncle Henry and Aunt Emily are alright. I haven't heard from them in ages. The only people back home we are in contact with are Albus and the Ministry…_

Sirius paused at the last sentence. Albus? Did she mean Dumbledore? Bur before he could think much more on it, his curiosity got the better of him once again. He turned almost to the back of the book to a page that was wrinkled slightly and smudged revealing tears. The words were spidery and jarring. He guessed they were written with a shaking hand. Here he hoped to find some answers. Any answers.

_He's dead. He's dead. I can't stop thinking it. It's driving me crazy. But I will never forget. I can't forget. I loved him so much._ _They took him away from me this morning. Those horrible filthy bastards took him away. They want to put him in the ground. It's cold in the ground. He doesn't deserve to be there. He should be with me! Why can't he be with me!_

_And her…I hate her! I HATE her! I hope they kill her. She will deserve it for what she did. I can't believe I didn't see it. How could I not know? How could I be so stupid?_

The entry stopped there.

Sirius sighed. He couldn't have kept reading anyway. It hurt too much. He closed the book and set it on the bed beside him. He glanced once more into the depths of the drawer. It took him a second to realize what he was looking at. There tucked neatly in a corner, half hidden beneath a roll of parchment and a quill, sat the letter that had arrived that morning via the eerie black owl.

Before he even knew what he was doing, he had plunged his hand into the drawer and grabbed the crisp envelope. He carefully pulled out the note held within, neatly unfolded it, and read its secret.

_We know what you did. Revenge is sweet, as you well know. Don't worry, we too will have ours soon. You didn't expect to get away with what you did, now did you? Dumbledore's little trick didn't hide you for long. Don't make the mistake of thinking he can protect you. He can protect you no more than he can protect any of you little friends. Remember your father is already dead. Dumbledore couldn't save him from us. I have a feeling we'll be in touch soon. Until then…keep a close eye out for those around you._

"What are you doing?"

Sirius froze. His heart was pumping furiously in his chest.

"I said, what are you doing?" Riley demanded from the doorway.

Sirius looked up at her. Anger was flowing from her like the ripples in a pond after a rock has been thrown in. Her every feature spelt out rage at him and of the deeds he had just done. She was pale, her eyes flashing brightly, radiating fury, yet deep set in them was fear.

She took a step closer to him. "Why are you here?" He caught her words and they burnt him.

His voice seemed lost in his stomach but he forced it out. "Riley-I…"

"What?" she demanded. "What did you do?"

"I didn't mean…" he said silently, not meeting her eyes lest they would scald him as well.

"You didn't mean me to walk in and find you pouring through my privacy!" she yelled. "Well how inconsiderate of me. Continue with your snooping. Found anything interesting yet?"

"Riley that's not it," he managed, feeling the guilt in his words.

"Then what is it?" she challenged. "You don't trust me so you had to come up here and read my personally things, my journal and my mail."

"No, I-I don't know why I did it," he said to the floor. Slowly he looked up at her. "I came to apologize."

"Oho…you came to apologize, and meanwhile to read the one book that I have never even let anyone else _see_ before," she shot.

Sirius suddenly felt his compassion waning and in its place anger forming. "Well maybe if _you_ trusted me enough to tell me when you need help I wouldn't have been so willing to read it," he proclaimed.

"It isn't a matter of trust and you know that. I _told_ you that. Your oversized arrogant brain just can't comprehend that!" she shouted.

"I'm the arrogant one," he yelled. "The one who is in so much trouble that I don't eat or sleep properly, that I am a nervous wreck who keeps my friends in the dark when I know I am in more trouble than I even understand! Who refuses help when I need it more than I even know!"

"What did you read?" she snarled. "What did you see?"

Sirius couldn't bring himself to answer. All he could mutter was, "Fuck."

"What did you read!" she commanded of him. "Tell me!"

"Nothing," he answered. "That's what you want me to say, isn't it. So you can go back to solving your own problems your own way."

"Shut up."

"No I won't because you need to hear," Sirius continued. "You are hurting yourself and your friends. Do you think we like seeing you this way?"

"Shut up!"

He moved closer to her and brought his face in front of her own. "We want to help. Just let us."

She looked at him for a moment, her eyes boring into his own. It seemed then that he had gotten through, that he had made her understand that she was not alone. It seemed for a moment that he had managed to provide peace to her weary heart.

"Well you can't help," she said quietly. "I already told you…no one can."

"Stop saying that," he ordered gently as he took her in his arms. "You know it's not true. I promise Riley…I'll do anything."

He felt her hot tears on his shoulder. She shuddered slightly in his grasp like she was shivering. He held her tighter as if by holding her closer he was saying again and again 'it will be alright'. And he hoped with all his heart that it would be.

"No," she moaned. "No!" And with a force she pushed him off of her. "It's not alright. Everything won't be okay…it can't be."

"Riley please…"

"No!" she cried wiping her tears.

Her feet led her to her bedside where she stooped and picked up a piece of fallen parchment, the same parchment that had fallen from Sirius' hand mere minutes before.

"You read it," she said. "You know what they said, what they threatened to do. They will do it. They're after me and they're willing to kill anyone who gets in the way. They killed him…they killed my father….they killed Mackenzie….just to get to me."

She didn't look at him as she spoke. Instead she gazed determinedly out the window. But she at last she faced him, looking him tenderly in the eye. Her eyes were dry and her resolve was strong.

"They'll do it Sirius….they'll kill you, and think nothing of it," her voice showed no sign of breaking. "So you have to go. Just leave me alone. Pretend you don't know me… Please…I love you too much…I can't go to another funeral…I'm not strong enough….now if you love me too…just go…."

He opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off with a whisper. "Please Sirius? I can't fight you anymore. Just leave."

He didn't know what else to do. He turned his back on her and left the room.

AN: Please review!


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